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[kelsischanging]

If any of you remember me....you will remember that I have been struggling with severe alcohol abuse for over a year. I always had an excuse for what I would not seek the kind of treatment I needed. There where so many excuses. Well...I have overcome them...I have overcome telling my family, I have overcome helping my sister, I have overcome dealing with my job...tomorrow I find out if I go inpatient Friday or Saturday of THIS WEEK to start to detox. I thought I could detox on my own, but when you are drinking 1.5-2 liters of wine a day....you can't! I will get well...I know it will be hard and I am scared but I have done something I never thought I could do...1) I told my mom...and BIG BIG shocker....she was supportive and is willing to help me...I know that doesn't sound like a lot but if you knew how she handled my issues when I was a teenager...it's Huge....AND 2) I'm inlisting other people around me to help me. I like to keep my issues to myself. I know I will need support for this.

I got from times of feeling so strong (b/c of telling my mom and asking for help) to being so afraid! I am a planner so not knowing the exact time that I will go inpatient is kind of stressful. I am just so thankful that something has moved in my hearth that has made me say..."yes, I am an alcoholic and yes, I can not deal with this on my own."

I'm a numbers person(I underwrite commercial real estate loans only over one millions dollars)...I spend 99 percent of my day looking at numbers...so tonight I told myself...ok you are starting a new numbers game...days sober...it's just numbers....

I will do this...I can do this...Two years ago, I had gastric bypass surgery and I gave up all added sugar ( and I used to eat icing by the spoonful)...today I am 215 pounds lighter...heck yes I can give up alcohol

 

[MHealthJo]

Proud of you Kelsey. Just keep fighting on. I am really happy that you had a supportive experience with your mum, too.

Thinking of you. xx

 

[kelsischanging]

!If you don't hear from me...that means I finally got inpatient! So excited but afraid! It's normal I suppose! I'm hear for healing!

 

[rdw]

Good luck Kelsey - will be thinking of you.

 

[W00BY]

Whoop Whoop....good luck...It's been a long journey for you and I am so glad you are getting all the help that is out there...I don't doubt your ability to get through this and make it into what you want... you are clearly a very clever lady who has managed to sift through what the issues are and get to this point.

I wish you well with all my heart, so happy for you... grasp it with both hands and goooooooood luck!!!

*hooj smiles*

 

[Banned]

I'm really glad you posted, Kelsey. I actually think of you often and wonder how you're doing. Please keep us updated when you're able and don't be afraid to look for support here as well. So glad you're taking these important steps.

 

[Ftbwgil]

Congratulations on a positive step forward. You told someone and realized that people understand. I am amazed at how we can keep secrets from people and that fuels the shame which fuels the addiction.. We tend to think we are the only ones with issues and meanwhile we realize almost everyone has an issue of some sort. Good luck

 

[forgetmenot]

So happy for you and know that you will do well in this program way to go hun

 

[kelsischanging]

I can't believe it's been over 40 days since I first posted this post. I went into rehab on Feb 7 with the intent of only staying to detox. After I started the detox process and truly got honest about how deep my addiction ran, I decided to stay for the full 30 day program. I ended up staying a total of 34 days before being discharged last Wednesday. I was open with select people about my alcohol dependence and abuse but I was hiding another secret. I was abusing prescription benzodiazepines and when I couldn't afford pills I was using cocaine.

Detox was hard. Rehab was even harder and life on the outside living life on life's terms without the aide if drugs and alcohol is harder yet. I'm back to work and have an intensive outpatient program 3 evenings a week after work. I go to AA meetings any day I don't have IOP.

I hope I can do this but I really don't know. I relied on benzos to help with my anxiety for the past 8 years. I only started abusing them a year ago.

So my anxiety is bad. They told me in rehab that early sobriety sucks. They were right. If one more person tells me to take it a day at a time I might scream. So for now I'm just hanging on.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Andy]

That's fantastic kelseym! It will be a struggle for a while, BUT soon enough you will see your having more good than bad days and living a sober lifestyle will become more of a normal thing for you.

It's definitely hard when a person is use to a certain way of living to just flip it and do the opposite. I think your well on your way to becoming a healthier and much happier person. As far as the anxiety goes, I am sure you know this already but there are other coping mechanisms you can use, such as deep breathing etc. That is something I am trying to use and again it's one of those things, some days are good and some days are bad but I am confident that if I keep at it, it will become a natural thing for me rather then going to the benzo's.

Keep up the good work!

 

[forgetmenot]

Way to go hun you have gone through a month of rehab and have follow up care you can do this and yes sometimes we just have to take each min at a time and you can ok
Nice to hear from you again

 

[MHealthJo]

So proud of you Kelsey. Hang in there and use every tool and resource you need to.