No more therapy

[Mia713]

I stopped going to therapy about 3 weeks ago. I don't really know why. My therapist was nice and friendly and seemed understanding, but for some reason I didn't really care for her. I just don't feel like she was helping me. I never felt better about going to therapy. Therapy was a huge step for me because I have been struggling with numerous problems for years, and when I finally came foward and admitted I needed help, I was so proud of myself. Now, I think it was a waste of time. I don't know if she just wasen't a good therapist for me, or maybe I am too screwed up for any therapist to help. I don't want to start all over again with a new therapist. It was hard enough to do it two other times before, and I feel like I am done with it. I don't know what I am supposed to do. I want to get better, but is it possible to do that without therapy? Because I don't think I am strong enough to go through the whole "new therapist" thing again. It's just akward and I feel very uncomfortable sharing such intimate details about my life with a complete stranger. I just am at a loss about what I should do. I should be in therapy, and if any one comments on this that is what they will tell me to do. It's just so hard for me. I feel so alone.
?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Mia, finding the right "match" with a therapist is probably the most important step in therapy and, unfortunately, sometimes it can take a bit of trial-and-error to find the right person for you.

I would urge you not to give up on it entirely. Take a bit of a "holiday" from it if you feel you need to. But then start to look around. Maybe ask your doctor or health clinic to recommend someone for you. Sometimes, if there is a local chapter of an eating disorders support group or a NAMI chapter in your area, you can get a recommendation there.

 

[Eunoia]

mia, I completely understand how difficult it is to go to therapy in the first place and then stick w/ it, that's not to say that I know what it feels like for you completely, but I can definitely relate. in fact, I would argue that a lot of people go through this... and it makes perfect sense to me, we're opening up about some very important and personal aspects of our lives, yes, to a complete stranger- the only difference is these people are trained professionals so that's already better than a "complete stranger". when I 1st considered going to therapy I went to a counselor at my school and I went a few times and then stopped- and was just as discouraged about it as you are. I didn't feel like we were getting anywhere, it felt uncomfortable going, and I didn't think he had enough experience to understand where I was coming from- and maybe I just wasn't ready to take that step. A few months after that I realized I had to give it a try again and after finally finding someone who I believed would be a good match, it's still incredibly difficult going, but it feels right. I don't expect it to be easy or for it to be an easy thing to do, b/c it's not- but I also think that maybe discussing your doubts about therapy with whoever you're seeing may help. you did take a huge step and by no means was it a waste of time- if anything, you learned more about what you need from your therapist and what's working and not working for you. again, I also wondered whether I was or am just "too screwed up for therapy"- but so far I haven't had that reaction at all, I think it's more about what you're willing to do to recover and the work you put into therapy as well as the ability of your therapist to work w/ you and meet your needs. also, you're not entirely starting all over w/ a new therapist, what I mean is that now you know what you need, right? you can go in there telling him/her what worked and what didn't and what you need them to do. I told my current therapist a little about the counselor and I think it gave her a sort of "heads up" that this is very difficult... and yes, I also wondered and still wonder whether therapy is absolutely necessary- but if it weren't then things should be fine, right? I don't think it's fair to say it only comes down to willpower and that's why we're wherever we're at- therapy can show you new ways and encourage you when you lose motivation and give you some kind of guidance when you feel like you have none... it's kind of difficult to get all of that when you're not in therapy. lastly, I think what really helped when I 1st started seeing my therapist was the fact that she didn't push for all the information right away, and respects what I am willing to share and when- you don't nec. have to open up about everything that you can think of as soon as you meet this new therapist.. take your time, go at a pace you feel comfortable with. If there's anything that I meant to say w/ all of this and by sharing my own experiences it's to tell you that you're not alone.

 

[Mia713]

Thanks so much for the replies.
I don't feel so much alone anymore. However I don't think I'm ready to start therapy again just yet. I'm not really even sure what I am looking for in my therapist as far as what type of person they are and what I would like to accomplish with them. I think I need to consider a lot of different things before I just jump into therapy again. I also want to try to get a few different reccomendations. I want to see why people are reccommending a specific therapist to me. This school year is almost over, and I think when I go back home I will start the therapy search again.

 

[Thelostchild]

I went threw the same thing. I saw a yound women she was like talking to my younger sister. I never went back to her. I went through several couselors till I found the right one. Counseling is the best thing you could do. But its up to you. so good luck.

 

[Mia713]

Thanks lost child.

 

[Halo]

Hi Mia,

Taking a break from therapy is good if that is what you feel you need to do. I respect that you seem to know what is best for your right now. I just wanted to say that I hope you don't take a break from this forum as I appreciate your posts and wisdom.

Take Care
Nancy

 

[Mia713]

Thanks Nancy, thats very kind of you to say. I definitely won't take a break from the forums, I consider it my best form of therapy.