Alright, I haven't been doing well the last couple of days. The week started out fine, and then as it went on I've been trying to eat less and less and I've been obsessing about my body more and more. Yesterday I ate very little - got some calories from some beer though. The hunger pangs were becoming unbearable and the headaches -- but, it was so difficult for me to pick up even a vegetable and eat it. I haven't been this bad in a long time. I broke down crying last night, and I told my boyfriend about it, but I don't think he realizes that he can't really help me. I don't think he understands how serious it can get and how unsimplistic it is - I can't blame him. He does worry about me. I tried to explain to him that it doesn't matter what he tells me - it's OK to eat, you're not fat, you're beautiful - whatever. I know these feelings, which is why I can't undertand how I'm letting them get out of control. A part of me keeps telling myself that I will bounce back - being aware of my problem and not in denial this time. Being in denial is a bad part of anorexia, but I'm not in denial about it now - which is why these feelings and emotions and behaviours are frustrating me so much. I'm hungry now, but I don't know how much I will allow myself to eat tonight. I haven't been eating nothing - but I've been trying to only eat fat free stuff, and fill myself with juice hoping that it will tide me over. I changed my clothes after work and thought I looked like - well, just so fat and gross. I probably won't be online over the weekend (it's Friday evening in Korea now). We're going on a little trip, so hopefully I will find some kind of strength, or happiness or whatever from somewhere. If I can't even spend the weekend away without being upset or starving myself, I don't know. I have to do something.