One liners

[Daniel E.]

"Everyone wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes."

All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty

 

[Daniel E.]

"Your mother and I are honest people. And why steal a pen? Don't I bring you enough pens from work?"

What's Considered Stealing at Work? - AOL Finance

 

[Daniel E.]

“I feel so bad for the millennials. God, they just had their universe handed to them in hashtags.”

— Ottessa Moshfegh

 

[Daniel E.]

A Guided Meditation for San Francisco's Tech Elite

Notice the sensation of your cashmere Everlane sweater. Does it feel warm or cool? Rough or soft? It had better feel warm and soft—you spent $155 on that ****, not including shipping.

 

[Daniel E.]

“What’s the difference between an Iowa mom and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.”

(Source: A former FBI negotiator on his No. 1 rule — and getting a better cable deal)

 

[GaryQ]

- millennial’sprayer:

“Deer Gawd, I’m textun U cuz I think my IPhone is posest and would like U 2 sen me a new 1 4 Xmas, Amen”

- God’s response:

”Sorry son, you texted the wrong guy. Try Santa but I doubt you’ll have much luck with him. He knows if you been bad or good... and so do I! Love God”

~GaryQ

 

[Daniel E.]

"Robots are getting smarter every day. Are you?" -- Pluralsight

 

[Daniel E.]

A book never written: “Artificial Intelligence” by Anne Droid.

-- David F.

 

[GaryQ]

Artificial Intelligence: a futile ideological attempt to replace natural stupidity

~GaryQ

 

[Daniel E.]

 

[Daniel E.]

"This should never have happened” has appeared in code comments more than a million times.

- The GitHub Blog

 

[GaryQ]

Ah good old GITHUB current home of the modern tech version of slave labor sweat shops now property of Microsoft now they not only have access to your public repositories but to your private ones too.

"Work on our Open Source Software for free. Ability to take abuse and insults in exchange for your hard work and we get to keep all the money from your work should we sell to big tech for billions!"

Sounds silly right? Nope! Open Source Project MySQL as an example was sold to Sun Microsystems years ago for 1 Billion US then Sun was acquired by Oracle for 7.4 Billion and included MySQL

 

[Daniel E.]

 

[Daniel E.]

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.

~ Amy Sedaris

 

[Daniel E.]

"What if serial killers are just people on a no-carb diet?"

-- unknown

 

[Daniel E.]

(The actor pictured there is from my favorite TV show of late -- Better Call Saul.)

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

Better Call Saul

I love that program!!!


Sent from my Hollycopter using SlappaSquawk

 

[Daniel E.]

Comment at a dog groomer's blog:

One of my best clients actually came from someone who tried to groom her dog herself. She said it took 2 days to finish cuz it was so hard on her back and in the end her dog looked like it went through a garbage disposal (her words lol).

Tipping Your Dogs Groomer | FunkyPuppy

 

[Daniel E.]

From a review for a food delivery company:

"They included a long, black hair at no additional charge!"

 

[Daniel E.]

Carson Can’t Keep Up with Rodney Dangerfield’s Non-Stop One-Liners (1974) - YouTube