Pushing people away!

[Heather]

I dunno if this is the right forum to post this...

But...

Why is it that often people in pain push away the people who want to help them, there friends and family?

I have a painful history and haven't been able to trust a lot of people in my life. Well my life now is such that I am there to help everyoone but I am pushing the few people away who want to help me. It is not a concious thing, I am not intending to do this and I wish I could stop but I don't know how.

I haven't been on the boards much of late as I have been in too much pain and very busy (as in intellectualualy busy not physically busy), plus I am not sleeping so to try and even read a post right now is actually too much for me, I am quite unwell, sorry.

Heather...

 

[comfortzone]

Heather,

I hope you feel better soon! Being sleep deprived makes it difficult to do much. Pushing people away is one way of keeping from being hurt.

 

[Heather]

Thanks Dr Dobson,

I appreciate it, I am seeing a psychologist and a doctor regularly at the moment so it will be all good!!!

And yeah sleep deprivation is one of the worst, lol!!!

Yeah to avoid being hurt, wow that actually makes so much sense.

Thanks Heather...

 

[comfortzone]

I am glad to hear that you are seeing a psychologist and a doctor! Keep us posted.

Please remember that even though miles and time may separate us...we are together here...by thought and by deed...to come to the aid of one another. Take care,

 

[Eunoia]

hey Heather! yes, good forum to post this in. )
you are so not alone in this! I think that pushing those away that are close to us is a way of ensuring that they will have that image of us that is "ok"... as if not letting them in or letting them on to what is going on would make them think better of us and then things would be better.... but by pushing others away, espec. people in your social support system, it's making the situation worse.

I know what you mean about it not being a conscious thing, b/c it seems like such a weird concept to push those away that care about us. for me, I think it's conscious in that I don't want people to know but almost unconscious in that I do it no matter what, it's like an automatic reaction if someone gets anywhere close to my reality..... the only way I think to stop this is one w/ therapy and by working through some of these trust issues..... and maybe by telling some people that really do mean a lot to you and making a conscious effort to involve them in your life, keeping them updated, and asking for their help if needed- and accepting it. start w/ one person and go from there. I know some people in your life know about your history just go w/ someone you really do trust...

as I've said b/f many times, hun, do not worry about not being on here so much, do what is best for you, there's no use forcing yourself to be here if you're not ok.... I'm here for you, k???

 

[Heather]

Thanks guys

Dr Dobson -- that is so sweet thanks so much for that. Will keep you posted.

Eunoia -- yes the image that i am ok, sigh, got that one going!!! I will think about the sharing thing, just a little hard right now you know! I know what you mean about being on here, lol, I can't help it I always beat myself up! I know you are there and I appreciate it sooooooooo much.

Heather...

 

[sister-ray]

Hi Heather,
Just wanted to send you some hugs and say your in my thoughts, I hope you feel better soon, not being able to sleep is the worse thing, been having a bad patch of that myself this week, I try to do something, listen to music, or just coming on the net and chatting, I hate just lying in bed, turning this way and that way and being all restless, that makes me feel worse than anything.

Take care now

 

[comfortzone]

Hi Heather,

You are most welcome.

Isn't it amazing how the thing that can be so painful and destructive can also be healing and uplifting? Words...like I have said before...they build and destroy...but the greatest and most beautiful are those words that create and edify. I hope with patience and kindness you are able to work through your life issues and come to place where you can witness the vibrancy of life. Take care,