Quotes on Grief & Loss

Daniel

daniel@psychlinks.com
Administrator

"Learn to parent yourself. Give yourself nurturance, love, protection and encouragement. Clarify the expectations you had of your parent that he or she never could fulfill. In seeing the relationship for what it was rather than what you wanted it to be, you can grieve what your parent didn't give you and begin to appreciate what he or she did give you."
 

Daniel

daniel@psychlinks.com
Administrator

For over 40 years Bereaved Families of Ontario has been supporting grieving Ontarians and today it is more important than ever that we continue our work. BFO offers peer based support at no cost to those in need.
 
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Daniel

daniel@psychlinks.com
Administrator

“In American culture, grief is already a very isolating experience, but it has been even more isolating this time around—which is weird because we’re all supposed to be in this collective experience together.”
 

Daniel

daniel@psychlinks.com
Administrator
“Love as powerful as your mother’s for you leaves its own mark. To have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever.”

—J.K. Rowling
 

Daniel

daniel@psychlinks.com
Administrator
"Those we love and lose are always connected by heartstrings into infinity."

—Terri Guillemets
 

Daniel

daniel@psychlinks.com
Administrator

I have been a widow for 11 weeks. It seems surreal to be writing that sentence and yet it is true. I was there; I know. Richard killed himself at home while I was walking the dog with my daughter, while my son was lying metres away in his bedroom. As a consultant anaesthetist and intensivist (a specialist in the care of critically ill patients), Richard knew exactly what to do. He was 47....

Widowhood sucks. There isn’t much time to grieve, for starters – the first few weeks were dominated by a bewildering array of administrative tasks...

Richard, you were such a vivid presence in our lives. You were funny, impulsive, adventurous, kind. You swore often, with feeling. You loved your wife, your children and your dogs. You were frequently infuriated by your wife and your children, much less often by your dogs. You were always dashing off to swim around an island, go sea-kayaking or fit in a power yoga class. I feel you should be coming home about now, from an overseas conference, perhaps, one that has lasted longer than usual. I can’t begin to imagine how we are going to live without you, as it seems that we must. But we have made a start and I promise that we will do our best to keep going.

I know about mortgage rates now, and how much that boat of yours cost. I have sold the boat, along with much else. I can change a printer cartridge and talk cladding with the builder. I have a lot more to learn, not least how to raise two teenagers on my own, but I will give it all my best shot.

We miss you desperately. We miss infuriating you. We miss being loved by you.
 

Daniel

daniel@psychlinks.com
Administrator

For over 40 years Bereaved Families of Ontario has been supporting grieving Ontarians and today it is more important than ever that we continue our work. BFO offers peer based support at no cost to those in need.

Zoom-based mindfulness class provided by a large, non-profit hospice organization in Arizona:

MINDFULNESS AND LOSS: CLASS ON ZOOM
Free • Must register to attend

Whether you have lost a loved one to death, estrangement or illness, mindfulness may provide a different pathway for your journey. Join others to learn and practice mindfulness tools that may be helpful.

Three week series:
Sundays, Sept. 11, 18 and 25
1-3 p.m.


After registering, you will receive a Zoom link to enter the program
 
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Daniel

daniel@psychlinks.com
Administrator

At first glance, it might seem ironic that developing comfort with the opposite concept – impermanence – is so helpful to us as we mature. However, when we consider separation anxiety develops in connection with object permanence, the irony fades. As infants, it’s precisely because we become aware people and things are relatively permanent that we begin to experience anxiety at the prospect of losing them.
 

Daniel

daniel@psychlinks.com
Administrator
Mark Wunderlich on Rainer Maria Rilke’s “The First Elegy”

...In the end, those torn from us early no longer need us:
slowly one becomes unaccustomed to earthly things,
in the gentle way one leaves a mother’s breast. But we, who need
such great mysteries, for whom so often blessed progress
springs from grief—: could we exist without them?
Is it a tale told in vain, that myth of lament for Linos,
in which a daring first music pierced the shell of numbness:
stunned Space, which an almost divine youth
had suddenly left forever; then, in that void, vibrations—
which for us now are rapture and solace and help.
 

Daniel

daniel@psychlinks.com
Administrator

After death...many people find it comforting to take some time to sit with their loved one, perhaps talking quietly, holding hands, or watching their loved one at peace.
 

Daniel

daniel@psychlinks.com
Administrator

"There is a core theme of loss that cuts across species."

~ Jonathan Rottenberg, Ph.D.
 

Daniel

daniel@psychlinks.com
Administrator
"I don't think it's a matter of "dealing" with loss... it's more a matter of finding a way to absorb it. I don't know how to make sense of death -- I only know how to make sense of life. And the person you have lost to death had a life -- try to focus on that life, what it meant to you, what you learned from it, what lessons that person taught you. Use the person's life to create a living legacy."

~ David Baxter, PhD (2005)
 

Daniel

daniel@psychlinks.com
Administrator
"It is not uncommon for someone who has suffered a loss to feel guilty for laughing or having fun or enjoying anything ever again. Resist this feeling: remember that what you are trying to do is to honor the life of your loved one, not his or her death. When that person was alive, you shared laughter and joy and life – the legacy he or she left behind should surely include those memories and a determination to live the way he or she would want you to live. Celebrate life. Celebrate your life, and the life of your loved one, and the life you shared. That is, in the end, how we defeat death."

~ David Baxter, PhD, Grief and Bereavement in Accidental Death (2004)
 

Daniel

daniel@psychlinks.com
Administrator
In 2004 (or earlier), David wrote this about grieving the accidental death of his 17-year-old daughter, Elizabeth Joyce Baxter:

We who are left behind wonder why... and why she is not here with us...

And yet... maybe we have it all backwards. Perhaps we who are left behind are here because we still have something important to do... or something important to learn. Perhaps she had already done what she needed to do, had learned what she needed to learn....

And perhaps when we learn what that is, then we too will have earned the right to move on, once again to be with her...
 

Daniel

daniel@psychlinks.com
Administrator

“Nothing I read about grief seemed to exactly express the craziness of it, which was the interesting aspect of it to me—how really tenuous our sanity is.”

~ Joan Didion, author of The Year of Magical Thinking
 

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