Seriously depressed

[lara]

hey everyone

well i dont really know where to start...but here goes...this is my second year of college...my first year was pretty bad....but then again it was freshman year and its supposed to be tough...i got to know 2-3 people who i considered "close" to me...compared to those who i only talked to during class..well my problem is more to do with my sophomore year than last year...i went into my sophomore with high hopes of making new friends and things being easier now that i was used to the way things worked in university...i was really wrong...i do talk to many people in class...but once class is over they walk out with all their other friends...so theres no point in trying to make friends with them they wont even talk to me outside class...im still friends with my 2 friends from last year...problem is they arent exactly nice people... i mean one example was when i asked one of them if she would like to join a gym with me..she said she thought there was no point..2 weeks later she tells me she joined this gym with one of her best friends....that hurt...were just not really close..they barely ever call me when they plan to go out...i never have anyone to talk to ...sometimes when something good happens and im so excited i stop and think "omg theres no one to share it with"....and even worse when im crying my eyes out and theres no one to call...i tried calling one of my "friends" once...all she could say was "oh ok...mm..well i dunno" and i was sitting there crying!!!! i miss my friends back home so much and its really hard here cos im so used to having my friends included in everything i do...now i have to do everything alone....my so called boyfriend has put on this new macho act...like hes too good for me..and that hurts so much cos we were together for 2 years...hes also back home where i used to live...we were very serious about each other and im actually going to visit him in 3 weeks...he hasnt called me in 2 days though which is weird cos he always calls...so things are messed up with him too...my parents..well...i dont even know where to start with them....they dont support me in any decisions i make about my future...all i ever hear from them is " why dont you have any friends?"....and it hurts so much when my whole family is sitting there and one of them says "its not normal that you dont have any friends"....and of course all heads turn to me and all i can do is try so hard not to cry...basically ill sum up my problem.... i dont like the way people treat me....they say things to my face like i have no feelings....like if i put on just a few pounds...my mom or dad will come up to me and go "dont you think youre getting way too fat?"...i dont think im fat at all...but because of them im starting to think i am...and my "friends" here either never call or dont care about my problems...im sick of crying myself to sleep every night...i just want to be happy again....what hurts me most is that i have NO ONE to talk to....and its so hard going through life alone...i dont even go out...i probably go out twice a month...im just sick of the way people play around with my feelings....and im sick of having no one to talk to..plz dont tell me to talk to my parents cos ive tried ...all they ever say is "youre doing this to yourself..youre the one sitting at home alone".....and i cant seek professional help cos then rumours would spread....i really dont know what to do...is it really me like my parents say? i just wanted to let this out i guess...sorry its so long...thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

[momof5]

seriously depressed

Hi Lara
First and foremost, you are special and important. Please always remember this. Dont let those around you make you feel as though you aren't worthy.

I went to college for one semester, lol, many moons ago. I didnt' last because I didn't take any college prep courses and had not a clue how difficult that it could be in many ways. I also was very far from home. I do understand that part of all of this.

As I tell my children, Your choices for your future are yours to make. Not mine, as I won't be the one living your life. You choose your life as you wish to live it when you graduate, and the type of job that is for you. We are all unique people, and each one of us has a mission per say in life.

I also don't have anyone to call when I am down either. My mom is so wrapped up in my brothers life and his misfortunes, that this is all she talks about. but I don't resent that at all. She doesn't wish to see what my health issues are because she only wishes to think of me as I was before all these appeared. But thats ok, because that is her choice and I respect that, even though I don't agree with it.

I do, however have my friends online that I can chat with when I need them. Stick around in here and you will make friends, people will help you out and get to know you, we are all interested in what you are intereseted in. Sure its not easy when you don't have the "real life" friends that you can do things with. But, I know that I am me, and unique. If people accept me for who I am, then that is good, if they dont, I consider that their loss in life, not mine. If this makes any sense.

Look in the mirror every day until and tell yourself that You are unique and a beautiful person, and do this until you believe yourself. Life is a gift to each one of us. And we live our lives as we feel is how we should live them. We become who we are because of our personalities. Its the inner person who is the most important. Someone could be the most beautiful person in the world and have a ton of friends, but....what is the reall reason that people are their friends? Is it because they are outwardly beautiful? That is a fake friendship. True friendships take a while to build. You will make friends. Just keep looking upwards instead of downwards. I know you can do this and will get through this. I believe in you, now you need to believe in yourself ;>)

 

[David Baxter PhD]

seriously depressed

Apart from what momof5 just said, two things come to mind, Lara:

1. You said "I can't seek professional help cos then rumours would spread..." -- any contacts you had with a counsellor or theapist would be confidential, including the fact that you were even seeing the therapist -- to disclose that information without your explicit consent would be a violation of patient confidentiality that could cost the therapist his/her licence. You should not let this worry stop you from getting help.

2. Sometimes, people in your classes at university aren't the best people to try to develop close friendships with -- for one thing, they tend to come and go in your life as your schedule and their's changes. Do you have any hobbies or specific interests outside of school? Or things you have always thought would be interesting but never tried? An activity, a sport, anything? If so, that'sa often a better place to make new friends, because the activity/hobby itself immediately gives you some common ground...

 

[Mattius_]

seriously depressed

Hey Lara, im going through the same thing right now and I really do think professional help would mean a lot to you. Above all, I went in because I also had absolutely no one to talk to. I know it is hard to vent when you have no one to vent to and that is where the professional help comes in. They listen, and that is what was most important in my case. Anyways, I cant really offer advice on making friends as I am in the proccess of doing that and have not had any success yet, but I can suggest that maybe you get a few email addresses or phone numbers from old highschool friends and keep in contact with them so atleast you have SOMEONE to talk to. Also, I have found that viewing the suffering you are going through right now are typical and expected consequences of moving away from everything you were used to for the last 18 years! This is somewhat normal for you to be going through, and it takes bravery and courage when you feel most depressed to realize that this suffering you are going through is a consequence of changing your entire environment of living! The suffering is to be expected, and it is the attitudes you take towards it that will inevitably decide whether it ends or not.

Example: I was walking to an old friend's dorm last night to see what he had been doing the last couple of months when I realized it was saturday night and the entire campus was full of people who were all dressed up and who all had plans to go out and have fun. Usually on my saturday nights, I didnt get dressed up or have plans, so it would seem that this should make me feel depressed that I wasnt in one of those groups of people who were mingling and carrying on and having fun. Well instead of feeling like complete crap as I used to, I thought with bravery and courage that this is something to be expected of someone who has moved away from his family and friends. It is to be expected that I would have moments or even days of loneliness because after all, im miles away from where I grew up, and it is going to take some time for me to find some friends. Even if it is someone's sophomore year, I still think it is reasonable for a person to have trouble making friends and I think a lot of what kept you from making friends last year is the lack of advice from professionals like university counselors (at my university, you get your first three counseling sessions for free) and people like Dr. Baxter.

Like I said, im still on the rocky road of recovery but the main point is that you have to expect it to be rocky, and you have to have the courage and bravery to take it to the next step. Go find an activity or hobby and I think that it will help you significantly.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

seriously depressed

Well said, Mattius -- and very courageous. Thank you for posting that.