Some Resources on Narcissism

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

Resources on Narcissism and Forgiveness

• Narcissists Suck: Forgiveness
• Judith Acosta, LISW, CHT: Should You Forgive Narcissists Who've Hurt You?
• Forgiveness
• Tim Thurman's Blog
• Tract on Forgiveness
• To Forgive or Not to Forgive

As you can see, forgiveness is a two-way street... You forgive someone, wish them well, don't seek vengeance upon them, open up the possibility that they might change...

However it is not excusing their abuse. You can still put down healthy boundaries, and if your boundaries are not respected, there should be consequences.

If you need to protect yourself (and your family) by distancing yourself (and your family) from the people who abuse you, you can still forgive them. But you are not allowing them to continue to hurt you (and your family).

 

[Frazzled]

Re: Narcissism: Forgiveness vs. Excusing Abusive Behaviour

This is where my attempts of reconciliation hit a snag with my mother. No matter how I corner her in she still can wiggle out of telling the truth and actually takes back any positive step that she makes. Her memory is convenient and subjective, she admits nothing, but throws out an insulting apology that if you don't accept she says you "don't have the ability to forgive". Since her last apology, which was last year at this time, she has ripped me to shreds to the entire family. This was confirmed by multiple family members that don't speak to each other and they have no motivation to lie. What she has been saying is that I am suicidal, I have turned atheist and I disrepect her at every opportunity. Now she is saying she will not let me know if something happens to my father or anyone else and she is cutting me out of her life. I teeter back and forth on this because I still want family but I am starting to think the cost is too high. I am emotionally paralyzed when she is around and can't be myself. She constantly sets each situation up for failure so any direction you go in is going to be wrong. I have asked my father this week to intervene and back her off but I have no faith that will happen. I am really struggling with the pain in my heart over this and I don't know if I will be the same person when I come out on the other side. I don't want to become bitter or isolating but I do feel it has changed the way I feel about society in general, meaning if your mother doesn't love you, who will? If anyone can give me any additional advice or help me feel secure in my decision to seperate myself from her, it would be so appreciated. Thanks

Frazzled

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

Re: Narcissism: Forgiveness vs. Excusing Abusive Behaviour

Well, it helps if you have support and people who validate you... You don't get validation from all the usual places, like from mom or dad... So you have to take care of yourself and find it elsewhere... It helps to be reminded that it isn't YOUR fault that your mother was the way she was, same as it wouldn't be your fault if any other relative or person outside your control did something hurtful. I'm still healing, and it's pretty much like a grieving process, like someone you loved died. But in this case it's likely that the person you wanted never existed in the first place. And that it definitely not your doing.

For instance here in this forum you can find lots of support... or here Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers .... or here Dr. Karyl McBride, Author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers


Or if you would like here is the letter I wrote my mother, and my mother's reply, and my psychologist's response to my mother's letter... Shadows & Reflections: The Dark Side: THE LETTER TO MY NARCISSISTIC MOTHER; the day after Mother's Day 2011

There are also some books you could take a look at... They are posted elsewhere in this forum but here are a few as well...

• When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life by Victoria Secunda - Reviews, Discussion, Bookclubs, Lists
• Amazon.com: The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family (9780972072830): Eleanor Payson: Books
• Amazon.com: Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed (9781572245198): Wendy T. Behary: Books
• Amazon.com: Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents (9781572245617): Nina Brown EdD LPC: Books
• Amazon.com: Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in their Struggle for Self (9780688140717): Elan Golomb: Books
• Amazon.com: Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life (9780553381405): Susan Forward, Craig Buck: Books
• Amazon.com: Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You (9780060928971): Susan Forward: Books
• Amazon.com: In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People (9781935166306): George K. Simon Ph.D.: Books
• Amazon.com: Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry (9780071381673): Albert Bernstein: Books
• Amazon.com: Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism (9780743214285): Sandy Hotchkiss, James F. Masterson: Books
  

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

Here is another one from our Facebook Group:

Is God Really Telling Us To Honor Abusive Parents ?

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

We have started start a new Facebook group called Daughters Recovering from Narcissistic Mothers: https://www.facebook.com/groups/204467262994069/

We've posted hundreds of online links, books, seminars/workshops, and other documents, pictures, art/poetry/music links, and welcome members to post their stories in documents.

It is a Closed Group so that people can find the site. It will show up that you joined the group, but only you and group members will be able to see each others' posts and comments etc in the group. No one looking at the wall when they search the group can see anyone's post unless they are a member. We considered making it Secret, but then no one could find it or know about it until members invited them... Plus if people have parents who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder and they don't really want to tell anyone else about it, how would we know they needed to be added to the group? lol So you see, Closed Group is the best we can do, methinks...

 

[David Baxter PhD]

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