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bbjjre

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I have a question for any of you who have lost a loved one. I recently (two weeks ago) lost my father to leukemia and I am for some reason not feeling much emotion at all. I am thinking that it might be at the "denial" stage but is it possible to be in denial two weeks after my father has died and I have done all the customary funeral rituals etc... I am truly feeling very guilty about not feeling much emotion, as I was very very close to my father. Someone has suggested recently that because I am four months pregnant my mind has set itself into a protective mode in order to ensure a healthy pregnancy during such a traumatic event. Has anyone else experienced something similar to this?
 

ladylore

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Re: stages of grief

I know that everyone does grieve in their own individual ways. Some people cry and others grieve internally. Doesn't mean you don't care.

As I have gotten older I do express tears after a death of someone close to me. But I do remember when I was younger I use to break out in laughter, to others horror. But I wasn't being callous or mean, it was plainly my reaction to an event I really didn't know what to feel or how to express it. It was my body's automatic reaction to death.

You never know, tears over the loss of your father may come later and if they don't, they don't. You are not wrong with how you are naturally expressing yourself right now. You may be on automatic pilot and as you said it could also be a protective measure for your child you are carrying.

Take care
ladylore
 

David Baxter

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A period of numbness isn't unusual after a loss, particularly one that was anticipated as it was in the case of your father.

Grieving is a very personal thing. There are no rules and no timetables. You grieve as you need to grieve at the time.
 

ThatLady

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Your father had leukemia, so I must assume that you knew his time was limited, bbjjre, and that you've known this for awhile. Some people experience a sort of pre-grieving when a loved one is ill with an illness that will, in the end, take their life. There's grieving when the diagnosis is given and recognized. There's grieving while the disease process slowly progresses. For quite a few people, this pre-grieving process takes some of the sting out of the loved one's passing, when the passing finally happens. In essence, you've already done some grieving.
Because of this, it's not that you don't care, or even that you're in denial. You've simply already passed through (or partially passed through) some of the grieving process. Additionally, pregnancy does change the hormonal balance in the body, and that will have some effect on how you experience a loss.
I think it's important that you not concern yourself too much with how you're processing your father's death. Realize that you've known for awhile that he would pass and that your mind and body have, over time, adjusted to that loss ahead of the fact. Now, with a baby on the way, your mind and body are telling you that you will soon have another life to think about, and tend to. For what it's worth, I'm sure that would make your father very happy. :hug:
 

bbjjre

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Yep, maybe I have already been grieving since the day we found out he was dying, and this is why I seem to be more composed. Everyone expects me to be a big mess right now and I am not. I do miss him terribly, but I also know there is nothing that I can do that will bring him back...
 

ThatLady

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Yep, maybe I have already been grieving since the day we found out he was dying, and this is why I seem to be more composed. Everyone expects me to be a big mess right now and I am not. I do miss him terribly, but I also know there is nothing that I can do that will bring him back...

Your reaction isn't uncommon at all, bbjjre; especially, in those whose loved ones were known to be dying over a period of time. It's good that you realize this, and that you're able to get on with your life. You've got the baby coming and that's going to bring a lot of changes to your life. I'm happy to know you'll be ready for those changes, and I know your father would be very, very proud. :hug:
 

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