The Highly Sensitive Person

[stargazer]

I think my mother was also like this: highly sensitive. She always told me there were people who didn't have "deep feelings," as she put it. She said they go through life without being touched by what happens. She always told me that she and I were just the opposite of this.

Just right now, in fact, something just happened that shook me up. Actually, two things today have done this, things people said. Even though I know it will pass, I still have to walk through the reactions to it. I just checked my pulse in my neck, and it's fast. I can feel my heart beating faster. I feel shaken. But it will pass.

And some people would not have been shaken at all. I am used to going through life with things like this happening, and just processing them, and sort of hiding them from others (at least at work) and trusting that they will pass. But I'm so used to thinking in terms of "bipolar" (which is on a different plane entirely, I'm sure) that it's hard to tune into this HSP stuff. I should probably read the book, though.

My dad and my brother didn't have those "deep feelings." They hung out together, my Dad sort of favoring my brother, and my mother favoring me, for what it's worth.

 

[Laurie]

I appreciate your comments, baseballcap. I struggle with expressing my thoughts on this too and you have helped do it for me.

wouldn't the best therapists be those who can empathize?

this is exactly what I was thinking. if hsp's can see more and draw people to them without even trying, what if they studied therapy so they could practice it? wouldn't they be awesome at it. but at the same time, how can an hsp be ok doing that without 'feeling' it too much. I'm super overwhelmed right now cause I'm talking to too many people at once - and it's only like 4-5. I would think that would be one day for a therapist. So, how could I possibly cope? As Dr. Baxter puts it - how do I learn that balance?

But, really, I think I will go ahead and study it, and gain the skills and more resources even if I do not use it professionally. At least that way I will be better equipped to process and properly handle the stuff that people bring to me - since it keeps coming whether I'm ready or not.

 

[healthbound]

I don't think our culture sees much value in emotion or sensitivity in general. I get the impression that it's best to better to be rational and productive. It's possible that I might be misinterpreting what it means to be a highly sensitive person, but if I do understand it correctly, I think there are many benefits to being sensitive.

If I wasn't super sensitive I wouldn't have felt the strong bond I experienced with my sister. I know that many many people have never had a sibling relationship like I had with my sister.

If I wasn't highly sensitive , I wouldn't be able to look at a painting and see it's incredible beauty (almost bringing me to tears) while some others will look at it and won't "get it" at all.

I know what it means to love my child with every single fibre in my being.

I can harmonize anything because I can hear all the elements of the music.

I am extremely intuitive because I pick up none verbal queues very quickly.

I have lots of opportunities to evaluate what is really important to me.

I can stand at the ocean and feel overwhelming joy simply because of the smells and sounds.

I feel intense passion which I can convert into action if I choose. This enables me to make a conscious contribution to the world if I want to (ie: right now I'm feeling lots of passion about many of the issues facing people with mental illness...particularly continued stigma and a serious lack of resources for those that are unemployable. I can turn that into action and begin my own awareness campaign if I want).

Lastly, I think that being sensitive has allowed me to really "see" and experience things that were really ineffective in my family. If I hadn't noticed those things, I wouldn't be able to break some of those damaging family patterns and dynamics when raising my own son.

Again, I could have it wrong...I guess I'll find out when I get the book. Over the years my dad told me I was too sensitive and the way he said it was definitely with a strong negative tone. I always thought it was a bad thing. I actually cut off my emotions after my sister died. I was literally "done" feeling. I couldn't stand it anymore. The problem with that was I needed to do so many unhealthy things to keep my emotions surpressed that it finally caught up with me and my health. I hated feeling. I didn't want to feel. I hated going to my therapist appointments this time around too because she used a different therapy with me that works to uncover feelings. The last therapy I did was cognitive and behavioral...not much discussion of emotions...other than how to control them with my thoughts!!

Anyway, the most sensative people in the world have created the most beautiful music, movies, paintings, books, paths for change, revolutions, awareness campaigns, funding for research about fatal illnesses, etc etc etc.

Maybe it's not so bad to be highly sensative. Maybe there's something very unique and special about being able to experience things on a level that the majority of people can't. I mean, at least when we're done our time here, we'll be able to look back and say, "Man, I really lived and I experienced a lot!".

Don't ask me where all this optimisim is coming from. Guess, I'm just sensative about being sensative.

 

[Into The Light]

laurie that seems like a really good idea to learn those skills anyway even if you don't pursue it professionally. i think it would really enrich your life. you sound like a really wonderful person and this would help you a lot.

healthbound you wrote a very moving post. i can relate to it all, especially loving your child with every fibre of your body. this is quite strange that others feel like this too.

i feel like i am on the verge of discovering who i really am somehow. i feel like i've buried my real self my entire life and i've never known it. i see a glimpse of the amazing person i could be, i want to be that person, i'm just not sure how i am going to get there.

thanks so much for this topic.

 

[healthbound]

Hi Baseballcap. I can relate. In many ways, I feel like I'm just now discovering my true strengths, likes and dislikes. It's kind of a bizarre discovery because I find that many of the characteristics I've been working so hard to maintain are almost opposite of my "real" self. At the same time, everytime I feel like I connect with a "real" part of me, I feel a huge sense of relief and acceptance. Weird.

 

[sister-ray]

I finally got a copy of this book today, from a secondhand charity book store, so will start reading it later

 

[Halo]

If you don't mind TTE, let me know what you think of it when you are done.

Thanks

 

[sister-ray]

Okay Nancy will do, only read chapter one so far, want to re read theres alot in there, but I feel its describing me, even some childhood stuff, its acutally scary reading some of it because it describes so perfectly how I feel now and have felt for many years, will tell your more as I read it

 

[Halo]

No rush TTE, take your time I just thought that whenever you are done it would be great to hear your opinion

 

[Cavi]

Nothing like reading yourself to a T!...I'm going to send for that book...RIMH

 

[sarek]

I detected quite a few symptoms of HSP in myself as well. I researched it early last year and it more or less started me on a whole new road of self discovery.

 

[evets3]

Excellent article...I allways knew there was more to my feelings, my character etc. Now I could identify. One of my parents used to sum me up by referring to me as being weak! Well thats a far cry from any weakness, exactly opposite.
SteveC

 

[white page]

Being Highly Sensitive, you have a uniquely perceptive sensory system. You are therefore more sensitive to emotions, energy, environmental conditions such as lighting or sound, other people, excitement, and stress. As a result of constant stimuli, you may feel easily overwhelmed or unable to cope. Things can be particularly confusing when others seem unperturbed by the same experiences. For example, your friends might be able to shop all day, go out to dinner, and then head to a loud party.

For you, that would be unbearable.

this is exactly how I feel ! golly gosh I feel overwhelmed now that I've read this , ( not joking either )

 

[Jazzey]

:study: Right there with the two of you. I sometimes feel as though I gather everyone's feelings through *osmosis* - it takes me a long time to "shake it off" (their feelings - particularly sadness or anger). I've unfortunately learned to cope by putting some distance with me and others - and I'm not convinced that this is the healthiest mechanism... ❤️

 

[Into The Light]

i used to think i fell in this category but now i am wondering about that. i thought it when in the midst of my depression. now i am much healthier and i think i can take a lot more than i could back then. i bought the book too but never got to really reading it. i guess right now i'm on the fence on whether this is me.

 

[Jazzey]

Maybe it's no longer you - but it was at some point? Is that possible - that because you're feeling better, those sensitivities are no longer there?

 

[Into The Light]

i think so, jazzey. i think depression makes us extremely sensitive and vulnerable.

i do think i am more sensitive than most but it's easier to handle now. it isn't as intense as it used to be.

 

[Jazzey]

Thanks ITL. That was what I was thinking / hoping

 

[white page]

it is interesting what you both say , Into the Light and Jazzey ,
I think depression reveals how essentially vulnerable we are , I remember one particularly sensitive Psy doc saying that , one becomes stronger after each depressive episode , because we learn strengthen our defenses and build new ones , having learnt which parts of us are the most vulnerable , though I do not wish depression on any one , there are aspects which are incredible learning experiences , if one has the appropriate treatment to get through it, meds coupled with therapy .

 

[Into The Light]

i was thinking about this thread this evening. i decided to pick up the book again which i had stashed away probably two years ago. i looked at the questionnaire at the start of the book and what i had filled in at the time, and i would say only two things i had circled as true now i would not. but the rest still applies. i still do fall into that category, and the introduction of the book talked about 20% of people saying they were highly sensitive, another 22% moderately sensitive and then 42% of people not sensitive at all (and sensitive in the sense that the author meant, where you get overwhelmed by crowds or noise or light, etc. where most of the world seems perfectly alright with it). so i think i need to withdraw what i said before. i still am a sensitive person in terms of getting overstimulated but not as badly as i was when in the midst of my depression. so, my new conclusion is that i do have those traits, and that at certain times those traits were more intense than others. when depressed or anxious i am a lot more vulnerable and all the stimuli are just that much more intense for me. right now however i feel i can handle most of it on most days, but i do still have moments where i feel a bit overwhelmed.

i'm thinking about diving back into this book and continuing on with it. i stopped reading it when i got to one of the first exercises because i wanted to do the exercise but never got around to it. i was too overwhelmed with being depressed (go figure.)