The stop button

[Ashley-Kate]

it's usefully instant nothing works better as soon as the edge hits my skin i am aware that i am still here on this earth that i am not back then in the nightmare in the flash in the bad feeling or in the fear it stops instantly as if i had a remote control and just by pressing stop everything is okay but only this method is painful destructive.. and i don't want it anymore i know all the ways to stop believe me i do but i can't let it go nothing can stop the pain better than this for me but i really want to stop i want to be able to wear shorts and shorts sleeves without wondering what will people say what will they think i want my boyfriend to be able to hold me without me fearing he will see something and then i will have to explain ... i want just to be normal.. i know i can do it but how i don't' know i just need to hear the right words the right thoughts and i will stop i just need to be able to feel yet again ! i miss just feeling !and when i say feeling i don't mean pain i mean happiness sadness . comfort , fear everything , i just don't know what it is anymore??!!
yours truly
Ashley

 

[braveheart]

Have you tried grounding techniques to help keep you present? Like
~jumping up and down
~having a cool shower or a bubbly bath
~ wiggling toes and fingers
~ wrapping yourself up in a blanket
~ journalling/drawing
~ hold your own hand/give yourself a hug, permission to feel sad and nurtured

Your body has been through enough pain and abuse, it doesn't deserve you to inflict any more hurt on it.
It doesn't have to hurt to feel alive.

I know its hard to stop self harm. I used to scratch and hit myself. I managed to stop the hitting, through lots of compassionate work and understanding through therapy and my own reflection. I had a brief relapse on the scratching during a stressful/trigger-filled time earlier this year. But I've managed to stop again. The part of me that can contain my feelings safely came forefront again. It scared me how easily I could start hurting myself again.
So, I understand.

What makes you happy?
When do you feel comfortable? What comforts you?