- Jun 22, 2005
it's usefully instant nothing works better as soon as the edge hits my skin i am aware that i am still here on this earth that i am not back then in the nightmare in the flash in the bad feeling or in the fear it stops instantly as if i had a remote control and just by pressing stop everything is okay but only this method is painful destructive.. and i don't want it anymore i know all the ways to stop believe me i do but i can't let it go nothing can stop the pain better than this for me but i really want to stop i want to be able to wear shorts and shorts sleeves without wondering what will people say what will they think i want my boyfriend to be able to hold me without me fearing he will see something and then i will have to explain ... i want just to be normal.. i know i can do it but how i don't' know i just need to hear the right words the right thoughts and i will stop i just need to be able to feel yet again ! i miss just feeling !and when i say feeling i don't mean pain i mean happiness sadness . comfort , fear everything , i just don't know what it is anymore??!!