More threads by rjc7394


I have seen many psychiatrists and some psychologists over 18 years and I haven't found a therapist who takes a real interest I believe. A therapist who wants to know what you believe in, how you see the World (ie constantly positive or negative), how different things effect you, how often your agitation and depression fluctuate. Things along these lines.

I have been able to do very little over the last 25 years. I feel like I have been completely buried beneath racing thoughts, agitation, anxiety, depression (diagnosed BP mixed states, rapid cycling) which I have not been able to control. I've had virtually no response to every med available (ECT, too) and I have had side effects to a lot of meds. So I am stuck with my symptoms and my therapist has really had nothing to offer over the last two years as far as advice goes. I think he knows that I see absolutely nothing in front of me and that I can not get involved in anything. At times I tell him about something or another that is really bothering me but he hardly responds to it. (ie. I had a period where I was obsessed with my skin and picking at it constantly trying to get rid of blemishes, etc. and I couldn't get it off my mind and he had nothing to say to me). He sits there uninterested and sometimes he nods off.

I have had similar experiences with other doctors. I've told doctors that I don't do anything all day and one doctor laughed and said "do you meditate all day?" It really bothers me that a doctor would laugh at a patient. I really can't do anything, staying active has made me worse and I've never really had a day where I've had control over my moods. I've never really been able to hold a solid conversation for all these years because my mind is constantly all over the place and the energy in my head is just horrible that I can not get anything out of my mouth.

I've tried working since I graduated from college in '89 but I have just been completely shut down and my relationships have been non-existent because of my mood swings. In college my mental state was very poor.

I have even looked into clinical med studies here in Philadelphia area and at NIMH. They always tell me "well, you don't really have the clear cut symptoms that we're looking for in our study."

I'm not sure what I'm asking here but I am at a loss. I'm not looking for any sympathy. I am ready to seek another therapist who could offer me some better help but maybe I am spinning my wheels. (I have been on SSDI for two years and I was on SSDI between 1993-1997. I have held over 15 jobs ranging from mechanical engineer to cemetary worker to cleaning offices to library clerk and I've never been able to break out of this mess.) I've had a lot of people insult me at work over the years because I've never been able to pull my weight and socialize like everyone else. (I just threw that in there because this is a constant source of anger which eats me.)

The thing that frightens me the most now is when I run out of money. My father has put off retirement to help me a little in addition to SSDI but he can't work forever. I see myself when my money runs out going down hill very fast and I don't know where that will lead. I think if I had to live in a complete dump due to low income I would consider suicide.


Have you considered seeking out a support group where you might find the social and therapeutic interaction you are looking for?

Physicians are professional consultants who provide us with their diagnostic and therapeutic expertise, and should not be expected to social contacts. If a physician who is seen for a diagnostic opinion asks personal questions, it is because the information is needed to form a diagnosis and should not be confused with social interest.

Consider making contact with local social agencies who can point you in the direction of support groups so you can become self sufficient to avoid the fate you are visualizing.

You need to take charge of your own future to achieve the independence you desire.


I think in some cases, although the need to "take charge of your own future" is clear, it's a lot more easily said than done. Sometimes when it's taking a person a couple hours just to motivate himself to put on his shoes and socks in the morning, the idea of taking much charge of anything at all can be mind-boggling. When it's a major struggle to find the motivation to shower in the morning, and yet you're scared to set foot out of the house until you do, it's difficult to endure the constant criticisms of frustrated friends and family, much less sit in a detached therapist's office, hoping against hope for an answer. You might know intellectually that you're not paying the therapist to be your "friend," but when your friends seem to be failing you, you don't quite know where else to turn for friendship. And you're scared to connect, for fear you will again be rejected. I don't have an answer either, but I can at least identify that it can be very aggravating and disorienting to be bipolar and to have these kinds of debilitating swings. And one of the most lonely aspects of all of this is the feeling that you're being misunderstood. Good luck to you.

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
Those are all very good points, stargazer. However, I would encourage you and rjc7394 to both hold on to the knowledge that there are a lot of therapists out there who really do care about the people who come to them for help. Sometimes it just takes a bit of trial and error to find the right person for you - and I do understand that often the person who is trying to do that is struggling even to get out of bed in the morning so it is a much more difficult task at that moment than it would be under more normal circumstances.


I'm sure there are good therapists out there, and I didn't mean to suggest otherwise. I was feeling a little down when I submitted the post, and have been struggling with depression (and unmotivation) throughout the week. I think my main motive was to show my identification with rjc7394. Sometimes finding someone with whom I identify is a big step toward obtaining hope, because I remember at those times that I am not alone. In fact, just after I wrote that post, I was finally able to motivate myself to take a shower, although I believe it was almost noon in my time zone, and I'd been up since 6:30 in the morning. (Then again, there is the theory that this what days off are for, but that probably belongs on another forum.) ;-)
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