David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
It probably IS the hardest thing you've ever done. But ultimately it is worth it. Don't you deserve that effort?
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I don't know if I do or not actually. Sometimes I feel like I'm being self-centered and self-absorbed and that I should be focusing on everyone else. I mean, I WANT to work on myself, cause I hate being the way I am and feeling the way I do, but in the back of my mind I keep thinking that it's wrong to think of myself and want/expect anything good for myself.
You are definitely not being self absorbed. Each of us needs to learn to look out for ourselves and make the changes we need to live our lives. I think you may be feeling that way because you are so used to putting everyone else first and not acknowledging your feelings. Hang in there - the hard work is worth it.
forgetmenot
MVP
You are not being self centered hun no you are just perhaps setting those boundaries a little better now
you are letting in time for YOU and that is ok
You are important and you deserve to heal
I do hope you keep pushing forward hun ok
i know it is hard those messages keep coming through to care for others first but you are doing the right thing here
Time for you is a good thing hugs
you are letting in time for YOU and that is ok
You are important and you deserve to heal
I do hope you keep pushing forward hun ok
i know it is hard those messages keep coming through to care for others first but you are doing the right thing here
Time for you is a good thing hugs
I have therapy in a couple of hours and I am really super anxious, almost to the point of panic. I hate this, and I want to call and cancel.
I don't understand why I feel this way still,after going there for over 2 years. I hear/read about people looking forward to therapy, but I don't look forward to it at all, I really dread it. As a matter of fact, I lost sleep last night from stressing over it.
I would like to go in and make it seem like everything is going good and that I have been doing fine, because I don't want it to seem like I am always in crisis mode or that I am always struggling. But that seems like a waste of time and money, and putting on an act doesn't help anyone.
---------- Post Merged at 07:07 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:03 AM ----------
And there's SO much that I should probably talk about, but not enough time while I'm there. And I don't know which thing is most important,I don't know where I should start. I have a list of things written down to take with me, and they all feel significant, but, I don't know which one to start with.
---------- Post Merged at 07:15 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:03 AM ----------
And while I'm in the waiting room, I will probably decide where to start, but then when I go in his office, he will probably throw me off track when he says "how was your week?" or, "how are you feeling today?", and then my head will turn to jello and I will either go mute and not be able to talk at all, or I will end up talking about something that's not even on the list at all.
It's very intimidating. I feel like there's a huge spotlight on me when I go in there. And sometimes he starts writing before I even start talking,and I'm wondering WTH is he writing.
---------- Post Merged at 07:21 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:03 AM ----------
And I hate when he looks confused sometimes when I'm talking. It makes me feel like I shouldn't say anything at all. It makes everything worse. There have been times when he has told me to start talking,even if it doesn't make sense, but then I just look/sound stupid saying all this random stuff with partial sentences or just one word, or just a feeling I am having. I always worry that I won't get to go home, that he will send me straight to the hospital or something.
I want to be completely honest in there, but I do know I have to be careful what I say.
---------- Post Merged at 07:28 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:03 AM ----------
He has told me many times it's therapy,and I am allowed to say whatever I want, and says he is ok with whatever comes up,as long as I'm not 'really mean' or violent. So I hide/control all the anger I have. I do know I have to control that, otherwise I will probably be arrested or something. I want to express it, but I don't know how to, plus I'm afraid to.
---------- Post Merged at 07:35 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:03 AM ----------
It feels more like an interrogation when I'm in there.Like I'm 5 again and I'm being asked all kinds of questions, and I am torn between what I'm supposed to say and what I would like to say. Like what I say will determine someone else's fate. Except there's nobody telling me ahead of time what to say, and it just makes me feel so lost and confused. So sometimes I do what I did then, which is not talk at all.
---------- Post Merged at 07:37 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:03 AM ----------
If I could just stop thinking and stressing about this, I think I would do so much better. I have myself so worked up now I am starting to go numb. What am I supposed to do?How do I turn my mind off before I go?
I don't understand why I feel this way still,after going there for over 2 years. I hear/read about people looking forward to therapy, but I don't look forward to it at all, I really dread it. As a matter of fact, I lost sleep last night from stressing over it.
I would like to go in and make it seem like everything is going good and that I have been doing fine, because I don't want it to seem like I am always in crisis mode or that I am always struggling. But that seems like a waste of time and money, and putting on an act doesn't help anyone.
---------- Post Merged at 07:07 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:03 AM ----------
And there's SO much that I should probably talk about, but not enough time while I'm there. And I don't know which thing is most important,I don't know where I should start. I have a list of things written down to take with me, and they all feel significant, but, I don't know which one to start with.
---------- Post Merged at 07:15 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:03 AM ----------
And while I'm in the waiting room, I will probably decide where to start, but then when I go in his office, he will probably throw me off track when he says "how was your week?" or, "how are you feeling today?", and then my head will turn to jello and I will either go mute and not be able to talk at all, or I will end up talking about something that's not even on the list at all.
It's very intimidating. I feel like there's a huge spotlight on me when I go in there. And sometimes he starts writing before I even start talking,and I'm wondering WTH is he writing.
---------- Post Merged at 07:21 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:03 AM ----------
And I hate when he looks confused sometimes when I'm talking. It makes me feel like I shouldn't say anything at all. It makes everything worse. There have been times when he has told me to start talking,even if it doesn't make sense, but then I just look/sound stupid saying all this random stuff with partial sentences or just one word, or just a feeling I am having. I always worry that I won't get to go home, that he will send me straight to the hospital or something.
I want to be completely honest in there, but I do know I have to be careful what I say.
---------- Post Merged at 07:28 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:03 AM ----------
He has told me many times it's therapy,and I am allowed to say whatever I want, and says he is ok with whatever comes up,as long as I'm not 'really mean' or violent. So I hide/control all the anger I have. I do know I have to control that, otherwise I will probably be arrested or something. I want to express it, but I don't know how to, plus I'm afraid to.
---------- Post Merged at 07:35 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:03 AM ----------
It feels more like an interrogation when I'm in there.Like I'm 5 again and I'm being asked all kinds of questions, and I am torn between what I'm supposed to say and what I would like to say. Like what I say will determine someone else's fate. Except there's nobody telling me ahead of time what to say, and it just makes me feel so lost and confused. So sometimes I do what I did then, which is not talk at all.
---------- Post Merged at 07:37 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:03 AM ----------
If I could just stop thinking and stressing about this, I think I would do so much better. I have myself so worked up now I am starting to go numb. What am I supposed to do?How do I turn my mind off before I go?
Try printing off your last post and giving it to your therapist. You need to be honest with him and yourself. Good luck today!
I didn't print it out and take it cause I didn't see the replies in time before I left.
I had myself so worked up that I didn't talk about anything I wanted to and now I feel like it was a waste of time and money. And by the next time I go, there will be a whole different set of issues, so nothing ever gets resolved.
---------- Post Merged at 11:57 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 11:03 AM ----------
.....and now I just feel bummed about the whole thing, and I'm thinking what's the point in going at all. Sometimes I think about just going in and {hurting myself} while in there, just to make a statement. Just to be able to express what I'm feeling without having to talk.
I feel so frustrated with him, with myself, with the entire world.
---------- Post Merged at 03:55 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 11:03 AM ----------
I'm sorry for what I said earlier. It's how I was feeling at the time though. I guess I still feel that way, frustrated with the entire world.
I'm not even sure what I'm so frustrated about.
I had myself so worked up that I didn't talk about anything I wanted to and now I feel like it was a waste of time and money. And by the next time I go, there will be a whole different set of issues, so nothing ever gets resolved.
---------- Post Merged at 11:57 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 11:03 AM ----------
.....and now I just feel bummed about the whole thing, and I'm thinking what's the point in going at all. Sometimes I think about just going in and {hurting myself} while in there, just to make a statement. Just to be able to express what I'm feeling without having to talk.
I feel so frustrated with him, with myself, with the entire world.
---------- Post Merged at 03:55 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 11:03 AM ----------
I'm sorry for what I said earlier. It's how I was feeling at the time though. I guess I still feel that way, frustrated with the entire world.
I'm not even sure what I'm so frustrated about.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Print it out now, so you won't forget what you wanted to talk about, and take it with you to the next session.
But what about all the other things I'm going to want to talk about during the next session? How do I decide what's most important?
I've been going there over 2 years and I'm not sure I have ever talked about the same thing twice.I feel like there's so many unresolved issues. And like I am getting nowhere.
I've been going there over 2 years and I'm not sure I have ever talked about the same thing twice.I feel like there's so many unresolved issues. And like I am getting nowhere.
forgetmenot
MVP
Like said take what you posted here and show it to your therapist that will be a start You may feel like you are getting nowhere but infact you are hun sometimes we do not see the small changes that are happening but our therapist does. hugs
Sometimes when I was faced with this situation I would spend five minutes at the beginning of the session spilling my "shopping list" of issues and then we'd decide together what to tacke first and I'd feel better knowing I got everything on the table so we'd have a starting point as well the following session. If I were in your shoes I would tackle the anxiety associated with therapy first, so your mind can be a little clearer and you won't feel as frazzled.
I understand this feeling too. Eventually things do come together and there is a flow. It's only normal that as you address one thing other issues will come up, either related or unrelated, because life's not stagnant. Have you discussed with your therapist the fact that you feel like you're getting nowhere? It may be your perception or it may be fact. It's not uncommon to take a session every few months to review your progress and ensure you are moving forward. Do you set goals together o you know what you're working toward?
I just called and scheduled a session just to talk about all this stuff. I don't think I have ever asked to be seen in between appointments before.
Do you think this is too trivial to require an extra session? Do you think it was ok to schedule one, or does it make me seem too needy?
Do you think this is too trivial to require an extra session? Do you think it was ok to schedule one, or does it make me seem too needy?
forgetmenot
MVP
YOu did great hun you are doing what it takes to get you stable. NO it does not make you seem to needy it makes you seem like you are being proactive in getting yourself well I hope this next session you are able to get more of your concerns across Way to go hun hugs
I'm curious what therapists think when someone asks to be seen in between sessions. Do they feel annoyed? Like the person isn't capable of handling things on their own? That they're taking up too much of their time? That they're attention seeking? .....I could go on and on.....I'm just worried how this makes me look. And I'm afraid he will be thinking THIS is what she came here to discuss? This is so trivial and such a petty thing.
I think it makes you look like a proactive partner in your mental health recovery. Good for you!
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
I certainly don't feel annoyed. I just assume the client is having a difficult time or struggling in some way. I'd be concerned if a client did NOT let me know under such circumstances.
forgetmenot
MVP
To me it shows you have strength and courage to reach out for support when you needed it hun
As said your therapist would rather see you reach out then struggle on your own reach out sooner then later when the stress and anxiety got to high. hugs
As said your therapist would rather see you reach out then struggle on your own reach out sooner then later when the stress and anxiety got to high. hugs
So, you think it's better to admit that I'm struggling and ask for help rather than pretending everything's ok? Cause it just makes me feel like a failure to be struggling so much after 2 years. Or maybe that it sends the message that he's doing something wrong since I am still struggling. Or am I just over thinking all of this and making it a bigger issue than what it is?
forgetmenot
MVP
You remind me of me lol YOu are overthinking hun I have been going to therapy much longer then you
We all heal at different times different ways hun there is no time span ok You are doing the RIGHT THING no doubt about it hugs
We all heal at different times different ways hun there is no time span ok You are doing the RIGHT THING no doubt about it hugs
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