Therapy Makes Everything Worse

[David Baxter PhD]

So, you think it's better to admit that I'm struggling and ask for help rather than pretending everything's ok?

Absolutely.

Cause it just makes me feel like a failure to be struggling so much after 2 years.

There is no timetable for healing except your own. Everybody is different.

Or maybe that it sends the message that he's doing something wrong since I am still struggling.

No, not at all.

Or am I just over thinking all of this and making it a bigger issue than what it is?

Yes.

 

[Banned]

The consistent response I always got when asking for an extra session was "absolutely". Even if the week was booked in always got a call as soon as there was a cancellation. Therapy is for you, not the therapist, so if you need an extra aession most therapists will accommodate that as best they can.

 

[GDPR]

Thanks everyone. I don't mean to sound so neurotic.

Even though I feel a little needy for scheduling this extra session, I feel better already knowing that I will be going.

 

[GDPR]

Question....my sister has been wanting to start seeing MY therapist. I have discussed this with him, and he knows that I wouldn't be comfortable with it. But, is it possible that she could be seeing him and keeping it hidden from me? And could he be keeping it hidden too? Cause I know it's all confidential and he couldn't tell me anyway.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Many therapists wouldn't be comfortable with that situation. Why not just ask him?

 

[GDPR]

I did ask him.a little bit ago.I guess it was just my paranoia again. He's not seeing her too.I don't even know why I thought that.

 

[GDPR]

From day one with my therapist, I have been telling him that I am afraid to talk about things or try to help myself because I worry there will be some kind of punishment for it.That because of me, bad things will happen to those I care about. That whatever,or whoever(karma?god?unknown forces?), will retaliate or seek revenge.And he has been telling me all along that it's simply not true, that it's ok to talk, it's ok to help myself,that it's just an irrational fear that I have.

But he is wrong. Things just keep getting worse.And karma has really bit me in the ass big time, and I am so scared of what else may happen. It's my own fault though, I should have known better.I never should have started going.I never should have started talking and telling all the things I wasn't supposed to.I should have just kept it all inside.

I kind of believed my therapist.Every time he has told me nothing will happen, I trusted him. I shouldn't have.And now I don't know how to undo it all.

I have to try to undo all of this somehow.I will start by not going to therapy anymore.Stop talking.Stop thinking about the past. Maybe go to church..I just really don't know what to do.But I have to do something.

I don't know what made me decide to try and get help in the first place.I really should have known better.

 

[rdw]

Going for therapy has not caused the problem. Life is often full of problems both big and small however, that is life and not a punishment for talking. You are not responsible for, nor can you control, what life throws our way. That is flawed thinking - take care of yourself during this stressful time.

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi i do understand your thoughts hun been there sometimes still think about my decisions as well

We were told keep quiet and those words will stay with us make us second guess our choice to speak up.

The thing is if you did not chose to go get help those things that you were told not to say would eat away inside you and you would get so much sicker hun

. Right now you are feeling fear sadness pain i don't know i am just guessing but i do know you did and are doing the right thing in staying with your therapist.

YOU have the control now not your abuserok
YOU are getting you some help something that you could not get for yourself in the past.

I hope your emotions your fear does not take you away from the help the support you deserve

YOU keep fighting you keep looking after you

You made the decision to get help because with out it you would have only spiralled more downward hugs to you

 

[GDPR]

Going for therapy has not caused the problem.

But you don't know that for sure.

One of my sons is seriously ill, and I mean very seriously ill and I can't help but think it's because of me. This is exactly what I was afraid of, and now it HAS happened.

I was always told things like this would happen when you say/do things you shouldn't, and it obviously wasn't just an irrational fear like my therapist said.

And it's not just therapy, it's all the other things I have done too, like drink,get high,etc...now this is my punishment.

 

[forgetmenot]

How can you be sure your sons illness is because of you. I have a daughter who is so very ill as well and i too blamed myself but that was just clouded thinking Her illness is something i could not have prevented How do you know that yours sons illness is not also something you had no control over hugs

 

[GDPR]

But how can I be sure that his illness ISN'T because of me?

I have learned through the years that If I even try to help myself, bad things happen to those I care about.Like a curse or something.

 

[Banned]

Sometimes our thoughts and actions can create self-fulfilling prophecies. There are some things in life you can control, and some things you can't. You can always, however, control your response to a situation and your attitude towards life's challenges.

 

[GDPR]

I HATE that I can't control everything. Like my sons illness. And it really makes me mad that there's not one thing I can do to change it. All I can do is sit back and wait for all the tests results, the surgeries,etc., but I can't take it away. And I can't stand that.

And I don't believe you can always control your response to a situation or your attitude towards life's challenges. I don't believe it because I sure can't do it.

---------- Post Merged at 05:00 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 04:56 PM ----------

Sorry if I sound a little irrational today.I just got the news about my sons illness last night. I have already been struggling lately,and this has just kinda pushed me a little towards the edge.

 

[Banned]

I used to want to control everything. Made me feel good about myself. I learned it took way more energy than I had to try and exert that much control, especially in lighT of the fact that it was impossible for some of those things to be controlled.

Have you asked yourself what you can reasonably do for your son to help him with his illness? It's only natural for a parent to want to take away their child's pain, but nice you can't, what CAN you do instead?

 

[GDPR]

what CAN you do instead?

But that's the thing....I can't do this. I'm just not strong enough. I don't have it in me to go through this.

 

[Banned]

You certainly don't have to do it alone. What or who do you have for resources to help you?

 

[rdw]

Oh yes you can. You are strong as you have already survived so much and are still standing. It is natural and normal to be afraid and want to blame something or someone else. Remember to take care of yourself first so you can help your son deal with his illness.

 

[GDPR]

I was just reading this thread.Sometimes it is hard to come back and read things I have posted but it helps me see just how far I have come.

Therapy is hard,very very hard,and things do get worse before they get better.But it really is worth all the hard work.

When I read here about my therapist telling me to just start talking even if it doesn't make sense,it made me realize I really have changed a lot since then.I have gone from not being able to say a complete sentence,from just blurting out random words, to being able to tell him exactly what I am thinking,feeling and struggling with.

Now that my therapy is winding down I feel like I need to express my gratitude some way,but simply telling him how grateful I am doesn't seem like enough.How do you thank someone that has helped you make such drastic changes in your life?

I am also both happy and sad to say that my son,the one that I said was seriously ill is fine.Happy because he is fine,but sad that he was not honest and had me thinking he was sick in order to manipulate me.

 

[MHealthJo]

Letters and cards are commonly seen from grateful clients (my T has a really cute picture and note posted up from a little kid client), and I think the 'type of person' that a good therapist is, would just feel so happy to simply receive the words that they have helped another person a lot.

I think it would be fine if you felt like giving them an actual gift though... hmm... sometimes when you put together like a small 'goodies basket', like yummy preserves or things like that, and you say "these are some of my favourite things and I just felt like sharing them with you", sometimes that can feel like a really nice personal thing.

But yeah, I feel that these kinds of people would just feel truly wonderful and appreciated every time they come to the point of winding down with a client, knowing their work has helped, and especially so when the client thanks them or tells them that their work has helped them and has helped change things for the better - whatever way each client feels they want to do that.