Trust the Right Thing

[Daniel E.]

An excerpt from Until Today by Iyanla Vanzant:

While many of us may think that we do not trust ourselves or others, we are always demonstrating some degree of trust. Trust is an essential element of our daily lives. We trust that when we go to sleep at night, we will wake up in the morning. When we are ill, we trust doctors and nurses to tell us how to get better. We trust banks with our money. We trust teachers with our children and mechanics with our cars. Still, for one reason or another, when it comes to our one-on-one relationships with other people, trust seems to be difficult. The truth is that we can and do trust. Unfortunately, we sometimes put our trust in the wrong things.

Once we are hurt by someone, we trust that we will be hurt again. We trust that the politicians who make up the government will lie to us. We trust that on any given day something horrible could happen to us. In preparation, we live behind alarms and fences, and we cross the street anytime we see some dangerous looking person coming in our direction. For many, the issue is not how do you learn to trust? The issue is how do you learn to put your trust in the right things?

 

[forgetmenot]

Somewhere somehow people who have been harmed never truly fully trust again how can they when they were taught at such a young age trust only brught them pain .

What to trust who to trust does not come easy maybe that is a good thing Put your trust in the right things what would that be what is the right things really.

 

[Daniel E.]

What I liked about the excerpt was the way it reframed mistrust as a form of trust -- trusting that things will turn out horribly.

Put your trust in the right things what would that be

The excerpt isn't just about trusting others. It's also about trusting oneself. From another author:

When you start to say to yourself; "I trust myself," you begin to restore faith in your judgment of others and situations, and as a result, you open your heart to love, joy and feeling safe again.

A Simple Exercise to Increase Trust in Yourself | Psychology Today

 

[forgetmenot]

thanks Daniel i read the article staying in the moment getting to know what that comfort is for you
Learning to trust yourself again your judgement
yes i can see how that is where one must start before one can ever start to trust in others again.
With each attempt to trust it fails i fail myself i guess i just am not able to get this right god i wish i could trust it would make life so much easier.
thanks Daniel

 

[Always Changing]

Even if one learns\relearns to trust oneself, how then does one go on to determine who or what are the right people or things\events. I trust myself not to trust other people!.

 

[Daniel E.]

An excerpt from an article by the author of The Courage to Trust:

Finding the Courage to Trust
Ladies Home Journal
by Cynthia Wall

...Trusting someone is not an all-or-nothing proposition. A child wants to have perfect trust about all things, at all times. An adult learns more moderate expectations. Each relationship has a different place in our lives. A certain friend can be a shoulder to cry on but is irresponsible with money. One friend can keep a secret, while another would make a perfect gossip columnist. You discover that a new pal's casual "See you later" is actually more to be counted on than an old friend's sworn oath.

We are in charge of the depth of trust we want to offer. Once we recognize our patterns, get comfortable with our instincts, and find confidence in our skills, the choices will be clearer. And we will possess the courage to create meaningful and lasting relationships.

By increasing trust in ourselves and others, we gather the courage needed to have faith in a positive future for ourselves, despite the risk of failure. Faith in the face of uncertainty is based on a sense that there is something intrinsically good about life. When we have this kind of faith, we can name what we want and overcome obstacles to achieve it. We will develop confidence in our ability to move forward into the future.

 

[forgetmenot]

I trust myself not to trust other people

Could not have said it better AC. One has to know when to stop, when to only trust ones own thoughts own words .

So many say trust me yet a gut instinct never goes away that instinct says trust only yourself don't trust anyone

When someone says those words trust automatically the red flag goes up automatically

How does one undue such damage to ones thought process and i don't know it it should be undone

World is not intrinsically good not these days

 

[Daniel E.]

World is not intrinsically good not these days

By the same logic, it's not inherently bad, either. (A related saying from one of my favorite movies, I Heart Huckabees, is: "No magic, no manure.")


And, of course:

"The shared cornerstone of anxiety and depression is the perceptual process of overestimating the risk in a situation and underestimating personal resources for coping."

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/psycholo...d-depression-one-and-the-same.html#post152247

People who are depressed tend to view the things around them negatively, evaluate themselves as unworthy and flawed, and view the future with caution and pessimism.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/therapy-and-therapists/27381-becks-cognitive-triad-of-depression.html

The negative notion, "I can't trust myself," serves to explain the passivity, indecisiveness, and inability to follow through on plans commonly observed in both anxiety and depression.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/psycholo...nxiety-and-depression-one-and-the-same-2.html

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I think the majority of people ARE intrinsically good, at least to the best of their ability. We don't hear about those people ion the media, though, and those who have been hurt don't remember the good ones, only the bad ones... an example of a cognitive distortion ("discounting the positive", "all or nothing thinking").

 

[Daniel E.]

And from a REBT perspective, part of the reason people don't take risks is because they awfulize about possible outcomes.

Also, awfulizing is self-reinforcing, such as from habitual avoidance behavior.

 

[forgetmenot]

There is kindness Daniel i see that too but so much more darkness so much hatred towards others god i guess one just has to keep focused on that small amt of kindness there is

 

[David Baxter PhD]

There is more kindness than meanness. But if you stay focused on the meanness, you'll miss it.

 

[locrian]

Trust is often a matter of faith:

Faith | Define Faith at Dictionary.com

The second definition has profound implications: "belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact."

We sometimes believe because we want to believe, and sometimes because we must in order to survive. If we had no faith in the safety of our drinking water or food, we wouldn't drink or eat anything. On the other hand, having faith that we live in an orderly universe where things somehow work out for the best gives us peace of mind.

 

[forgetmenot]

Trust means letting go of the control accepting that what will be will be .
Not trusting allows one to hold some kind of control in their lives
One has to weigh the risk of trusting sometimes that risk is to high

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Not trusting allows one to hold some kind of control in their lives

Ultimately, that's an illusion.

 

[Daniel E.]

having faith that we live in an orderly universe where things somehow work out for the best gives us peace of mind.

Similarly, my favorite saying by Robert Thurman: "If you think it's you against the universe, who do you think is going to win?"