Trying not to go down the same path

[dog5000]

I have OCD and discovered that hurting myself stopped me from doing my rituals--I certainly DO NOT recommend it! I scratched myself and cut myself about 3 or 4 times. My arm is healing, but very slowly. The problem is, I still want to hurt myself when I get really depressed about my OCD. I imagine doing terrible things to myself and then I get even more depressed, because I know that I can't do these things. I don't want to kill myself, I just feel like hurting myself relieves some of the pressure. Everytime I think about hurting myself, I think about the scars on my arm. They aren't pretty. I also think about the people that I know love me. It keeps me from doing anything to myself 99% of the time, but it doesn't take away the frustration. I had a bad night last night and wanted to injure myself. I was able to get through it, but today I feel like such a failure because I SO wanted to cut or scratch myself. They say it's normal to relapse, but it's just so frustrating. I know it's good that I did not end up cutting or scratching, but I just don't want that feeling of wanting to do it.

 

[Cat Dancer]

It is a frustrating struggle. Sometimes the feeling of wanting to do it is terrifying for me because it is so strong, but I don't think feeling that makes you a failure. You're just dealing with some difficult stuff. It's good that you're getting help for your OCD. Hopefully as that gets easier to deal with, the self-injury will too.

I haven't found anything so far that will deter me from doing it. My scars just make me want more. Mostly I wear long sleeves to keep them covered up so I won't see them and feel like hurting myself even more.

 

[Eunoia]

using si as a means to cope w/ ocd to stop those rituals sounds like it has become just "another" ritual for you to deal w/ ocd... so si in itself, even though it may relieve some tension, is causing a lot of tension and pain in itself, right? that's the problem w/ si: finding something that gives you the same amount of relieve of tension, pleasure, outlet as si. I'm gald you were able to get through last night, but you and I know that there will be many more "nights" or moments like that.. it's what happens w/ any addict, alcoholic, bulimic, or si... getting through those moments. it's not easy but trying to find something else to replace si w/ or other ways to cope w/ your ocd will def. help. I understand w/ what you mean w/ feeling like a failure the next day when you wake up and see you didn't do anything, but on the other hand I also think that sometimes if you just pull it out long enough that that urge goes away... and it almost seems like a waste to *c* or si in another way b/c that tension has gone... that doesn't mean that the situation wasn't "valid" enough, it just means you were able to get through it another way.
maybe I missed this, but ru getting help w/ your ocd?? maybe talking to your doctor about these issues could give you some better ideas, more help?