Trying to be strong everyday and go through life with happiness

[Simcoe]

Hello,
I am a new member and I would like to say hello to everyone who is willing to listen to my story. I appreciate your time and interest.

So how can I start? - by telling the truth: I have become a 38-years old solitary man, no close friends, I lost touch with every person I know, and I keep loosing contact each day that passes by as I forget to call people, as I am interested into "my own thing" - When I say my own thing is studying to improve my career in which I am very successful, I speak 4 languages and have worked my way up with hard work and since I was 12 - I consider myself as an smart, independent, financially stable, proud, decent gay man. I am in a long term relationship for the last 9 years, go to the gym, take care of myself, I love the way I look (so I exercise LOL)...I like silence, I love my cottage and being there everyweekend instead of the city like other people, and to be honest my problem is that I dislike people who step in that world and make from a little to a big "mess".

However when people steps in my space and or force me to do things I dislike it. It is hard for me to accept rude, or aggressive people and the answer to that is that I could be even more aggressive than them, so my response to my frustration is "I am out of here", "get out of my way", I feel this anger inside me and I don't know how to handle people who likes to put their finger in those wounds.

I have snapped at people who frustrates me or have ofended me in someway - believe me - they were scare of me for a long time as I have said things to them in response to their comments towards me that perhaps ripped their hearts.

I think growin up in a classist south american society in where being blonde blue eyes is "all" you need to be successful made me mad. I come from a very poor family, and I have been offended in way you wont believe due to my sexual condition, looks, voice, you name it. So I swear when I was 12 covered in charcoal dust and dirt that one day I would be someone and noone will ever touch me again, ever. And I cursed the world many times, many times on my way up, got rid (cut them off) of a lot of people in my way, and I still do. I erase anyone who does not contribute to my life and or tries to take something from me.

Noone asks me where I am from or anything. I reached my goal, but I feel lonely and with no friends. Maybe is my fault, but I honestly feel surrounded by voltures.

I am humble to this forum and I ask for your honest opinion.

Regards,

Simcoe (largest lake in Ontario, Canada - between tiny lakes)

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi welcome to Pl i can relate to some of post Poverty fighting to become someone isolating even. Anger burst undealt with pain. Your space i get it all. I hope you can get some help to heal some closure to your sadness. Therapy teach you how to control anger some it helps medication as well. I don't know what to say except i understand

 

[Dragonfly]

Simcoe,
Welcome to PsychLinks! ... 9 yr long-term relationship and ??? you don't feel close to him? Am I reading that right? Since you already know each other, getting close (if that is a possibility) might be a place to start - really letting your guard down and letting him see you .... Is this possible?

 

[Yuray]

Welcome Simcoe.

as I forget to call people

Do you actually forget, or choose not to?

I don't know how to handle people who likes to put their finger in those wounds.

What wounds? I didn't see any specific mention of wounds. Could you enlighten us a little?

and noone will ever touch me again, ever

Had someone touched you in an innapropriate manner?

that perhaps ripped their hearts.

How do you feel after being so brutal to someone? Is there a sense of accomplishment, or remorse?

Noone asks me where I am from or anything

If people were genuinely interested in your past, do you feel you would respond differently if they stepped in your world?

There is a curious absence of mention of the relationship you have with your family, and with your partner. Care to tell us more

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

To me, poverty is when you are needing something really bad and you don't get what you need. It could be love, it could be food, it could be things...

Hi there, Simcoe!
Welcome!

I agree with Spirit and Dragonfly, I hope you find the help you are looking for, whether with a therapist or someone you could talk to here. Is there any reason you can't take those words you told us and tell your significant other exactly the same thing, or even print them on paper and give to him? Tell him you feel like you are pushing people away and you don't know why and you don't want to do it anymore, and you especially don't want to lose him? If he has been with you this long, I am sure he is waiting for you to open up to him again. Maybe he would love to hear that you would like him to help you figure things out, instead of you preferring to do everything in your own way and on your own.

It sounds like the people around you lacked compassion and tolerance and understanding when you were growing up, so I think sometimes when that happens a person want to take control of their lives... In a productive way, I mean, they react by getting really competitive and driven to succeed and sort of shake their fist at those people in the past as if to say, "I'll show you all! I will prove you wrong!" It's like a fight of survival, only the fittest will conquer and get the spoils.

Only problem is I think sometimes they get stuck in that mode. It is like you describe; in order to succeed at any cost, they may lose good people along the way as well as bad... But you just want someone to love you for who YOU are, right? Not for your accomplishments, and the money you make, and the stuff you own. Because you are probably worried, deep down, if people just pretend to like you because of all your influence and things you own, then you are just back where you started... They still don't love you for YOU being YOU. And you could be a little scared maybe, to try to put yourself out there and see who actually does love you.

I've been married to my husband for almost 14 years, though, so I hope I learned a few things along the way. lol I might be wrong though.

At least when you are lost you are looking for help! Hang in there! You ask the questions. Answers will come. *hugs*

 

[NakedWombat]

Welcome to the forum, mate.