Very Strange Obsession:
Hello, you guys. I once wrote this long, rambling paragraph in January but I was too hesitant to submit it due to the ?weirdness? factor. (Ill try not to add unnecessary details.)
I have an unhealthy obsession with fingers, especially long bony fingers. I mostly like their wizardly physical appearance though also in my mind, long fingers constitute power. (I also find it ironic symbolism that I kind of have unhappiness from being so withdrawn yet palmistry says long fingered people are jolly extroverts). In the beginning stages, when I?d go to the mall, I?d put my hands against the manikins and get frustrated on how long they are compared to mine. I?d also scan for people?s hands too and over time my eyes would just subconsciously to peoples hands. It?s the same for T.V. And since this obsession started right after school finished junior year, the summer gave time for the obsession to intensify and when senior year came I had a whole new pool of hands too look at. There?s this girl that sits across from me 1st hour who has the most perfect long bumpy fingers. I always have too look at them every chance I get.
Of course no one notices, because who in bloody hell has an obsession with hands ? It's not as if they are taboo to look at. In my memory files, I have visual images of various people's hands right next to face recognition.
I have fat, stubby square fingers that I got from my mom, while my dad has extremely long spidery fingers. Also, I (attempt to) play guitar and the instructor only made it worse by making me feel that I'm at a horrible disadvantage for having small hands.
Then it gets worse? To cut it short I injected myself with HGH (as enlarged hands is side effect) for a couple of weeks.
Now I fantasize about flying to Russia (all the way from the US) to get finger lengthening surgery. :yikes: Heck, that surgery is not even an option on the market but I feel somewhat relieved finding out that it's physically possible. I try to keep my mind off it by going for nice bike rides and trying to stay off the Internet but it doesn't work as my thoughts are much too dominating.
I acknowledge I am far from a healthy state of mind but at this point what am I to do? Definitely not tell my parents....
Thank you for caring and reading..
The Internet is great
Hello, you guys. I once wrote this long, rambling paragraph in January but I was too hesitant to submit it due to the ?weirdness? factor. (Ill try not to add unnecessary details.)
I have an unhealthy obsession with fingers, especially long bony fingers. I mostly like their wizardly physical appearance though also in my mind, long fingers constitute power. (I also find it ironic symbolism that I kind of have unhappiness from being so withdrawn yet palmistry says long fingered people are jolly extroverts). In the beginning stages, when I?d go to the mall, I?d put my hands against the manikins and get frustrated on how long they are compared to mine. I?d also scan for people?s hands too and over time my eyes would just subconsciously to peoples hands. It?s the same for T.V. And since this obsession started right after school finished junior year, the summer gave time for the obsession to intensify and when senior year came I had a whole new pool of hands too look at. There?s this girl that sits across from me 1st hour who has the most perfect long bumpy fingers. I always have too look at them every chance I get.
Of course no one notices, because who in bloody hell has an obsession with hands ? It's not as if they are taboo to look at. In my memory files, I have visual images of various people's hands right next to face recognition.
I have fat, stubby square fingers that I got from my mom, while my dad has extremely long spidery fingers. Also, I (attempt to) play guitar and the instructor only made it worse by making me feel that I'm at a horrible disadvantage for having small hands.
Then it gets worse? To cut it short I injected myself with HGH (as enlarged hands is side effect) for a couple of weeks.
Now I fantasize about flying to Russia (all the way from the US) to get finger lengthening surgery. :yikes: Heck, that surgery is not even an option on the market but I feel somewhat relieved finding out that it's physically possible. I try to keep my mind off it by going for nice bike rides and trying to stay off the Internet but it doesn't work as my thoughts are much too dominating.
I acknowledge I am far from a healthy state of mind but at this point what am I to do? Definitely not tell my parents....
Thank you for caring and reading..
The Internet is great
