My husband says I am a bad mother and a slob, because I allow my teenagers to keep their rooms somwhat messy. We get in big fights about this. I think at age 16 a girl should have her privacy. Also she is a cheerleader at school and a great student, very busy person.
-
Quote of the Day
"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. "
Joseph Campbell, posted by Cat Dancer
- Thread starter Mhefner
- Start date
My husband says I am a bad mother and a slob, because I allow my teenagers to keep their rooms somwhat messy. We get in big fights about this. I think at age 16 a girl should have her privacy. Also she is a cheerleader at school and a great student, very busy person.
ThatLady
Member
- Joined
- Nov 4, 2004
- Messages
- 4,104
- Points
- 36
By the time my children were 16, they were responsible for their own rooms. They knew this, and knew that it was not suitable to live in a pigsty. I didn't clean their rooms, or go through their things, but if I looked into one of their rooms and found it in a state of chaos, that young person knew there would be a price to pay. Either the room would be cleaned immediately, or a priviledge would be lost. For the most part, it worked out well for us.
ThatLady
Member
- Joined
- Nov 4, 2004
- Messages
- 4,104
- Points
- 36
By the time my children were 16, they were responsible for their own rooms. They knew this, and knew that it was not suitable to live in a pigsty. I didn't clean their rooms, or go through their things, but if I looked into one of their rooms and found it in a state of chaos, that young person knew there would be a price to pay. Either the room would be cleaned immediately, or a priviledge would be lost. For the most part, it worked out well for us.
David Baxter
Administrator
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2004
- Messages
- 38,178
- Points
- 113
I think some parents need to understand that the teen is a member of that household too. It's not a question of "this is my house and you will obey my rules"; it's one of "this is our house and we need to figure out a way to live in it together".
I found that a workable compromise is to designate their bedrooms as "their area" and common areas like kitchen, living room, bathroom, etc., as "common areas". Within the bounds of health and safety, they should be able to do whatever they wish in their areas. Common areas have different "rules" because everyone uses them and has a right to feel comfortable in them - thus, "rules of living with other people" apply in those common areas.
I found that a workable compromise is to designate their bedrooms as "their area" and common areas like kitchen, living room, bathroom, etc., as "common areas". Within the bounds of health and safety, they should be able to do whatever they wish in their areas. Common areas have different "rules" because everyone uses them and has a right to feel comfortable in them - thus, "rules of living with other people" apply in those common areas.
David Baxter
Administrator
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2004
- Messages
- 38,178
- Points
- 113
I think some parents need to understand that the teen is a member of that household too. It's not a question of "this is my house and you will obey my rules"; it's one of "this is our house and we need to figure out a way to live in it together".
I found that a workable compromise is to designate their bedrooms as "their area" and common areas like kitchen, living room, bathroom, etc., as "common areas". Within the bounds of health and safety, they should be able to do whatever they wish in their areas. Common areas have different "rules" because everyone uses them and has a right to feel comfortable in them - thus, "rules of living with other people" apply in those common areas.
I found that a workable compromise is to designate their bedrooms as "their area" and common areas like kitchen, living room, bathroom, etc., as "common areas". Within the bounds of health and safety, they should be able to do whatever they wish in their areas. Common areas have different "rules" because everyone uses them and has a right to feel comfortable in them - thus, "rules of living with other people" apply in those common areas.
having been one (a teenager) not too many years ago, I'd say that it doesn't make much sense to make your kids have their rooms clean 24/7. They're not museums, they're places for them to feel comfortable in and hang out in, relax in, and yes, have their privacy in. Everyone needs some kind of place that they can to and retreat, a place that is "theirs" and a place where they will not be bothered or have to feel like they will mess things up or make the couch dirty etc. Some people are just cleaner than others. One of my friend's idea of dirty is a few dishes in the kitchen or a few clothes on the floor. Personally, I think "dirty" takes a lot longer to clean up! Also, if you have one parent telling you one thing (ie. clean up your room) and the other telling you it's ok, that's not gona help at all. Obviously you'll go w/ the "don't worry about it".. so maybe setting some kind of rule or boundary together as parents will be much more effective but ultimately if it comes to your daughter's room, her supposed messiness is not affecting anyone else, so at the end of the day it really isn't worth fighting over this. if she does her chores ie. helps w/ dishes, is a good student etc. that's all you could hope for and ask for. making kids think that everything always has to be perfect, including their room, sends a really bad message for what a good self- image is!
having been one (a teenager) not too many years ago, I'd say that it doesn't make much sense to make your kids have their rooms clean 24/7. They're not museums, they're places for them to feel comfortable in and hang out in, relax in, and yes, have their privacy in. Everyone needs some kind of place that they can to and retreat, a place that is "theirs" and a place where they will not be bothered or have to feel like they will mess things up or make the couch dirty etc. Some people are just cleaner than others. One of my friend's idea of dirty is a few dishes in the kitchen or a few clothes on the floor. Personally, I think "dirty" takes a lot longer to clean up! Also, if you have one parent telling you one thing (ie. clean up your room) and the other telling you it's ok, that's not gona help at all. Obviously you'll go w/ the "don't worry about it".. so maybe setting some kind of rule or boundary together as parents will be much more effective but ultimately if it comes to your daughter's room, her supposed messiness is not affecting anyone else, so at the end of the day it really isn't worth fighting over this. if she does her chores ie. helps w/ dishes, is a good student etc. that's all you could hope for and ask for. making kids think that everything always has to be perfect, including their room, sends a really bad message for what a good self- image is!
industrial_girl_2000
Member
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2005
- Messages
- 3
- Points
- 1
my experience as a teen
As a teen, I was never the most organized kid on the block either. I recall that a lot of times I didn't clean things because it didn't really matter to me. I spent a lot of time studying and after you do that, your brain gets tired (I was also a good student by the way, having graduated with a 3.8 from HS & 3.5 from college with a degree in engineering)! The last thing you want to do after you exhaust your brain is to clean your room on top of it. I should probably say also that I was a good kid who never got in trouble in school/college or at home.
As an adult, I am neat as a pin in my condo (living alone), even though I work 6-7 days a week and have many hobbies (stay busy). When my parents come visit, they tease me about how my room looked when I was a teen.
I recall that my mom's only rule about my room cleanliness was to keep the floor tidy so she wouldn't trip & fall if she had to come in to grab the sheets off my bed or to put something in my closet (like some folded laundry items).
Sometimes you just have to "pick and choose your battles" and figure out what is most important. Good luck!
As a teen, I was never the most organized kid on the block either. I recall that a lot of times I didn't clean things because it didn't really matter to me. I spent a lot of time studying and after you do that, your brain gets tired (I was also a good student by the way, having graduated with a 3.8 from HS & 3.5 from college with a degree in engineering)! The last thing you want to do after you exhaust your brain is to clean your room on top of it. I should probably say also that I was a good kid who never got in trouble in school/college or at home.
As an adult, I am neat as a pin in my condo (living alone), even though I work 6-7 days a week and have many hobbies (stay busy). When my parents come visit, they tease me about how my room looked when I was a teen.
I recall that my mom's only rule about my room cleanliness was to keep the floor tidy so she wouldn't trip & fall if she had to come in to grab the sheets off my bed or to put something in my closet (like some folded laundry items).
Sometimes you just have to "pick and choose your battles" and figure out what is most important. Good luck!
