More threads by Cat Dancer

When you feel you can't go on
by Tammie Byram Fowles, LISW, Ph.D

I'm sorry that you're hurting so desperately right now. I know how painful the seconds, and minutes, and days can be, how long the nights are. I understand how very hard hanging on is, and how much courage it takes. I ask though that you hold onto one day at a time. Just one day, and slowly this despair will pass.

The feelings you fear you're trapped in will serve their purpose, and then fade away. Difficult to imagine isn't it? Almost impossible to believe when every cell in your body it seems cries out in agony, desperately in need of comfort. When it feels like the only thing in the whole world that can touch your pain and banish it is beyond your grasp. And after all this time, the assurance that you will heal has become an empty, broken promise.

Just let one tiny cell in your body continue to believe in the promise of healing. Just one. You can surrender every other cell to your despair. Just that one little cell of faith that you can heal and be whole again is enough to keep you going, is enough to lead you through the darkness. Although it can't banish your suffering, it can sustain you until the time comes for you to let your pain go.

And the letting go can only occur in it's own time, as much as we would like to push the pain away forever. Hold on. Hold on to appreciate the beauty of the earth, to feel the songs of the birds in your heart, to learn and to teach, to laugh a genuine laugh, to dance on the beach, to rest peacefully, to experience contentment, to want to be no other place but in the here and now, to trust in yourself, and to trust your life. Hold on because it's worth the terrible waiting.

Hold on because you are worthy. Hold on because the wisdom that will follow you out of this darkness will be a tremendous gift. Hold on because you have so much love and joy waiting to be experienced. Hold on because life is precious, even though it can bring terrible losses. Hold on because there is so much that you can't now imagine waiting ahead on your journey ...a destiny that only you can fulfill. Hold on although your exhausted and your grasp is shaky, and you want more than anything to let go sometimes, hold on even though. Please hold on.

So much in life can be difficult, even impossible to understand. I know, I know...So many of us have cried in despair, why? why? why? and still the answers and the comfort failed to show. Survival can be a long and lonely road, in spite of all those who've stumbled down the path before you. And it can be a treacherous, torturous easy to get lost, and yet impossible to avoid even one painful step. And the light, the light at the end of the dark tunnel for so long cannot be seen, although eventually you'll begin to feel its warmth as you move forward. And forward you must move in order to get through the hell of remembering, of despair, of rage, of grief.

Keep looking forward please. Rest if you must, doubt your ability to survive the journey if you have to, but never let go of the guide ropes, although when you close your fingers around them, your hands feel empty, they are there. Please trust me, they are there. When you're exhausted, when all you have to count on is a weakened, weary faith, hold on. When you think you want to die, hold on until you recognize that it's not death you seek, but for the pain to go away. Hold on, because this darkness will surely fade away. Hold on. Please hold on.

From: BirthQuake: The Journey to Wholeness
Thank you for posting this letter...I printed out part of it and when i start getting really discouraged I read it...i read it a lot in school and it helps me to get through the day...thanks again for posting this letter...
kelsey (kels)


that was the most amazing letter. it gave me the inspiration i needed to carry on and know that life has so many other things in store for me i'm going to try and appreciate life a bit more now. no matter how was beautiful.


Great advise...thank you for sharing. Its posts like this that help so much during difficult times.
In friendship


the article above says so much, it can reach i think anyone on the verge of suicide.
I held on because of all the support i got on this forum from everyone, and with the support of my psychiatrist i got the help i needed to get passed this stage of my depression. I really thought i had no choice.. i have since found out that there are other choices, thanks to this forum and it's wonderful members who show so much care and compassion to those in need.

I just want to say thank you to all of you.. without ye, i wouldn't be here.
I hope one day to be in a position to be able to give something back to this forum and it's members.

go raibh mile maith agaibh go leir.
(thanks a million to everyone)



Hi All,

nsa said:
I hope one day to be in a position to be able to give something back to this forum and it's members.

This is so not true NSA. You have no idea how much you have given to this forum and to me personally.

I should be the one saying thank you.

Take Care


When you feel you can't go on
by Tammie Byram Fowles, LISW, Ph.D
When you think you want to die, hold on until you recognize that it's not death you seek, but for the pain to go away. Hold on, because this darkness will surely fade away. Hold on. Please hold on. From: BirthQuake: The Journey to Wholeness

I read this article again and I have to say that this particular part really stuck out at me especially the way I have been feeling the last few days.
Thanks for posting this article Janet and BBC for bringing it back up.

I really needed to read that again.
I always (almost) think I can't make it through all the pain and confusion, but so far, I always have. I want to remember that I CAN make it, but it's hard sometimes. I'm trying to think of some way to remind myself that I can make it. Sometime just coming here and reading older posts of mine is helpful, but I can't always do that. I wonder what would be a good way to remember?


What about copying and pasting your old posts and doing something with them so you don't have to log onto the forum in order to find and read them. You can also copy and paste some of the encouraging words that people have said in order to make it through a rough time and the happiness they have showed when you did make it.

I know you are very creative and so what about making a journal or scrapbook of sorts as a reminder of the struggles and triumphs that you have overcome. You may also want to put in things or reminders of what you can do to make it during the hard times.

I remember HeartArt posted about creating a Gratitute Journal and I was thinking something along that lines. This is the link that she referred to for the Gratitute Journal
Oh, that's a great idea. Maybe I could use quotes that would remind me of the kindness of this forum. A journal like that is a great idea. I like doing that kind of stuff anyway.

Thanks. :)


I am glad that you like the idea and you could probably put names beside the specific quotes that you chose so you can remind yourself of certain people that you have found especially helpful. I also think that it would be something physical that you could hang onto as well when the feelings are overwhelming as I know that for me in rough times hanging onto something safe is helpful.

As with any scrapbook or journal....the sky's the limit and you can do anything you want with it.
thanks i hope the pain does stop soon but how it seems i get over one tragedy the another is added on top the writing is a very powerful one i hope and pray to hld on until my pain is gone



I'm not sure Mary if you have accidentally posted to this thread (which was last dated in 2007) or if you have seen that it reflects how you are feeling now.

I hold you in my arms to help your pain be gone ((((( Mary )))))

Sending much support your way and wishing also that your pain will be free soon, or at least that all the illnesses which trouble you and those you love will be able to be managed so well that you can let go inside and have peace :hug:
thanks amastie im okay i just was feeling overwhelmed with everything thts all things will work out they always do just have to get thru it thats all it helps knowing i have somewhere to write down some of my feelings
take care and thanks for your support mary
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