When you're afraid to keep going and afraid to stop

[Cat Dancer]

Re: When Is It Time to Stop Therapy?

So what do you do when you really want to stop going and you want to go back to the way things were because it was easier than dealing with the pain and facing the issues? How do you get past this? Does it eventually get easier?

I feel like I'm at a point of being afraid to go back, but also being afraid to stop going. I'm so torn.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It's probably human nature to fear change or to fear the unknown, but generally I think the impulse to go back because it's easier should be a red flag to anyone. If you follow that impulse, you know you're not doing what's best for you. You're doing what's easier. And that's an indication that you need to keep going forward.

 

[ThatLady]

I think it's important to realize, also, that things always look better from a distance. Because it's difficult (really difficult!) to confront one's issues and begin to deal with them in ways different than those used before, one tends to look back on "before" as easier. It wasn't. Remember, something about "before" sent you for therapy. Something about "before" made you unhappy. Something about "before" just wasn't right. It still isn't right. Were you actually able to go back to that "before", you'd find it isn't near as easy as you think it is now. After all, it's what brought you to now.

The only way to find your way beyond the darkness is to keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing your best, Janet. That's what you're doing. It's going to be hard, and painful, and frightening. However, if you really think about it, so was "before". :hug:

 

[Into The Light]

going back to before won't help you one bit. you will be stuck in all the pain and suffering you were going through then. it won't get easier just because it's familiar. i know going forward won't be easy, and will be painful as well, but it will eventually take you to a place without that pain. it may be unfamiliar, but it will become familiar. the place without that pain is a good place. trust me. i know :hug:

 

[sister-ray]

i understand what you say Janet sometimes familar ground feels safer even if you dont really want to be there, you know it, feel safe with it, whereas moving on is scary, and unknown, frightening, take it slow, small steps, I always find small steps better, test the ground so to speak, hope Im making sense

 

[Halo]

Janet

I can relate to what you have posted about because each and every week I am still afraid for one reason or another about going to see my psychologist. I always have this fear in the pit of my stomach even when I am sitting in the waiting room and wanting to run, I just keep telling myself that I am running from myself really because I can't go back to the way my life was. Although it is probably one of the scariest moments as I enter my first step through that door into his office facing the unknown world of exploring me and who I am and letting someone into my world to see exactly who I am.

As I keep being told, it takes courage and strength to face the hard stuff and not give up even when you really really want to. Janet, you have that strength and courage as we have all seen here on this forum.

You can do this, as hard as it may seem...you can :hug:

 

[kelsischanging]

I can understand where you are Janet...and I know it's a hard place to be, but all I can tell you is to keep putting one foot in front of the other and the only direction you can go is forward....I think that is the direction you really want to go if you really sit down and think about it...just keep putting one foot in front of the other...

 

[pocono]

Janet

You asked if it gets easier. I've been in therapy for a little over two years. It took me six months to decide I was in it for the long haul. Up until that point, I was never committed from week to week to coming back. It helped me to say out loud to my therapist and to myself -- "I don't always like this, and I sometimes want to quit....but I'm in this for the long haul because I want a life! I want to get better".

A few weeks ago we had a crisis and I almost did quit -- so I don't mean to imply that the urge to quit ever goes away. But I knew deep down that even if I left the therapy with my current therapist, I would eventually seek someone else out.

It helps to acknowledge what I think is probably true for you -- that you want to get better and that you will do what that takes, even though it is hard and you will need time and a lot of support and patience.

Best to you.