Wife just told me she wants separation. - What to do?

[dhansen815]

Update - I guess

So my wife has decided not to carry out this affair. At least that is what she is telling me this week. She had bought a plane ticket and was suppose to meet him this friday. I'm happy she has realized this is not a solution but feel very torn about how I feel about her.

She was suppose to move out for a little while, but just told me that she thought it would be a bad idea for the kids. This makes me very uneasy as when she is around, I don't feel good and have told her this. What is the solution here? I feel like I'm living with a narcissist and know she is trying to work on it, but in the meantime what can we do to make the home pleasant enough to live?

thanks for listening.

david

 

[dhansen815]

Update - I guess

So my wife has decided not to carry out this affair. At least that is what she is telling me this week. She had bought a plane ticket and was suppose to meet him this friday. I'm happy she has realized this is not a solution but feel very torn about how I feel about her.

She was suppose to move out for a little while, but just told me that she thought it would be a bad idea for the kids. This makes me very uneasy as when she is around, I don't feel good and have told her this. What is the solution here? I feel like I'm living with a narcissist and know she is trying to work on it, but in the meantime what can we do to make the home pleasant enough to live?

thanks for listening.

david

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Just as her decision to leave was a decision only she could make, you now have a decision to make that only you can make. I think you may need to continue to see that counselor on your own to explore the ambivalent feelings I'm almost sure youmust have at this point. If she has truly decided she wants to stay AND you decide to make the effort to try to reconstruct a relationship with her, the two of you have a lot of work to do. There are serious trust and communication issues to address, at the very least. But I think the first step might be for you to try to clarify your own feelings about what has happened and whether you want to continue with her.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Just as her decision to leave was a decision only she could make, you now have a decision to make that only you can make. I think you may need to continue to see that counselor on your own to explore the ambivalent feelings I'm almost sure youmust have at this point. If she has truly decided she wants to stay AND you decide to make the effort to try to reconstruct a relationship with her, the two of you have a lot of work to do. There are serious trust and communication issues to address, at the very least. But I think the first step might be for you to try to clarify your own feelings about what has happened and whether you want to continue with her.

 

[dhansen815]

Yes, thanks. I plan to still see my therapist... Oh yeah I have great doubts about our relationship... Though I see she is trying to repair what has been broken. We do have a lot of work ahead of us...

I do still love her, but know that only I can decide if the hurt I feel can be healed. We shall see.

I really appreciate your input and wish you were in boston - Thanks for all the input.

D~

 

[dhansen815]

Yes, thanks. I plan to still see my therapist... Oh yeah I have great doubts about our relationship... Though I see she is trying to repair what has been broken. We do have a lot of work ahead of us...

I do still love her, but know that only I can decide if the hurt I feel can be healed. We shall see.

I really appreciate your input and wish you were in boston - Thanks for all the input.

D~

 

[dhansen815]

What to do with her - Update

Well I thought things were better between us and that we were working on healing the hurt until I found a prepay calling card and phone number next to it. I confronted my wife and wanted to know if she was still contacting this man in florida. She insisted she wasn't and proceeded to tell me that it was fading in her mind. This urge to see him...blah blah blah. Though I wanted to believe her, I had my doubts. So this morning I found the calling card and went online to see what activity was happening on it. Not onlyis she still be calling him, but several other men too.

What can I do?

She is going to separate therapy and perhaps I need to let her sort through this, but I'm getting tired of being lied to. I keep telling her that I'm trying to build my trust in her again and how important it is that she be open and honest with me. Am I just beating a dead horse? Even if our marriage does not work I want our relationship to be strong enough for our kids.

Please reply with any thoughts.

Thanks
David