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poss

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Hi Everyone,

I am really worried and freaking out about people involved in my care talking behind my back. I'm in the UK and am seeing a psychotherapist on the NHS. I recently told my therapist about suicidal thoughts I had and she had no choice but to contact my CMHT (Community Mental Health Team) and see if they could offer me more local support in between my sessions. I had an appointment with someone there yesterday and I think I came across as really hostile. I can't help it, I get really stressed about these kind of meetings and when I feel that I don't know what the point is of the conversation or that they're not taking me seriously, I get really wound up and frustrated. I self harm and have suicidal thoughts sometimes and suffer with depression and anxiety.

The person I saw said that if I looked at the sun outside and thought how nice it was and thought about what I could look forward to in the day, then things might improve. I felt this to be very simplistic and almost insulting. I got annoyed and complained that I didn't know what was going on with the service they offered or why I keep having to have the same conversations and assessments with different people and it never leads anywhere. She asked me what my diagnosis was and I said I didn't have one because the psychiatrists there are unwilling to give labels to people but that whenever I call the crisis line the first thing they ask is, haven't you got a diagnosis?? And when I say no, I feel they don't take me seriously or think I'm being dramatic. I'm so fed up with it. I said I wasn't happy to see 2 of the psychiatrists that I've seen before because one was so rude that I almost made a complaint and the other couldn't even remember what he had prescribed me and refused to go anywhere near a diagnosis.

Anyway, I agreed to have an appointment with a different psychiatrist and left and cried my eyes out and self harmed again. I just feel SO frustrated with it all. Is it just me? How come no one understands me? My biggest worry is what this woman will say to my therapist. I'm terrified that she is going to call her and tell her I was ungrateful or hostile or came across as aggressive or something. I don't want my therapist to think badly of me as things have been going well lately. I feel that this stupid meeting is going to jeopardize my therapy, the only thing that was actually going well. I almost feel like quitting therapy now because I can't deal with thinking my therapist has heard bad things about me and maybe isn't telling me or thinks I'm unreasonable/ungrateful/demanding etc.

Sorry for the long rant. I'm just sounding off. Has anyone else had similar experiences of the mental health services talking to each other? I had given consent for that to happen, but now I've changed my mind.

Thanks for listening/reading this far.

Poss
 

David Baxter

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I am really worried and freaking out about people involved in my care talking behind my back. I'm in the UK and am seeing a psychotherapist on the NHS. I recently told my therapist about suicidal thoughts I had and she had no choice but to contact my CMHT (Community Mental Health Team) and see if they could offer me more local support in between my sessions. I had an appointment with someone there yesterday and I think I came across as really hostile. I can't help it, I get really stressed about these kind of meetings and when I feel that I don't know what the point is of the conversation or that they're not taking me seriously, I get really wound up and frustrated. I self harm and have suicidal thoughts sometimes and suffer with depression and anxiety.

I can understand that. However, it sounds as though the intention was to increase your available support resources between therapy sessions, which should normally be a good thing for you. Also, remember that all of the people on the Team are also bound by the same confidentiality as your therapist.

The person I saw said that if I looked at the sun outside and thought how nice it was and thought about what I could look forward to in the day, then things might improve. I felt this to be very simplistic and almost insulting.

I agree. It is simplistic and insulting. It's the kind of thing many people who have never experienced depression and really know nothing about depression will say to try to make you feel better, but it's not very reassuring to have it come from someone who is supposed to be a mental health professional.

I got annoyed and complained that I didn't know what was going on with the service they offered or why I keep having to have the same conversations and assessments with different people and it never leads anywhere. She asked me what my diagnosis was and I said I didn't have one because the psychiatrists there are unwilling to give labels to people but that whenever I call the crisis line the first thing they ask is, haven't you got a diagnosis?? And when I say no, I feel they don't take me seriously or think I'm being dramatic. I'm so fed up with it. I said I wasn't happy to see 2 of the psychiatrists that I've seen before because one was so rude that I almost made a complaint and the other couldn't even remember what he had prescribed me and refused to go anywhere near a diagnosis.

Anyway, I agreed to have an appointment with a different psychiatrist and left and cried my eyes out and self harmed again. I just feel SO frustrated with it all. Is it just me? How come no one understands me?

It doesn't sound like you're finding the Team very helpful or supportive. Perhaps you could talk to your therapist about the issue. I'm not sure I understand your health system enough to make specific suggestions.

My biggest worry is what this woman will say to my therapist. I'm terrified that she is going to call her and tell her I was ungrateful or hostile or came across as aggressive or something. I don't want my therapist to think badly of me as things have been going well lately. I feel that this stupid meeting is going to jeopardize my therapy, the only thing that was actually going well. I almost feel like quitting therapy now because I can't deal with thinking my therapist has heard bad things about me and maybe isn't telling me or thinks I'm unreasonable/ungrateful/demanding etc.

I don't think you need worry about this. Your therapist is a professional. I take most of what I am told about people with a grain of salt anyway - I like to make up my own mind based on evidence I can see in front of me. Besides, your therapist is probably well aware of the frustrations people have in dealing with the Team. It's unlikely that you're the only one who feels this way.

Has anyone else had similar experiences of the mental health services talking to each other? I had given consent for that to happen, but now I've changed my mind.

It is common for professionals working within a team to discuss cases. However, if it makes you uncofmortable, you could talk to your therapist about rescinding that consent - or placing limits on it.
 

poss

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Hi David,

Thank you very much for your quick reply.

It already makes me feel better to hear that you agree that it's simplistic to tell someone with depression that they just need to think positively. I was starting to doubt myself as I've had so many comments like this from the crisis team and others that don't know me or my situation. I was starting to think I must be the only one that finds that so insulting.

It's also reassuring to hear that you don't take much notice of what you hear about people from others. I hope my therapist feels like that. Part of the reason that I'm so worried is that about 4 months ago I almost quit therapy as I felt it wasn't going well for me and was upsetting me more than it was helping. When I told my therapist this, she said that I quit things when it doesn't go my way just like I had done with my psychiatrist. It's true that I discharged myself from seeing that psychiatrist (the one that couldn't even remember what medication he had given me) but I had never given my reasons to my therapist. But she had obviously spoken to him and whatever he said led her to the conclusion that I quit when things fon't go my way. So I'm terrified she's going to think the same again, that just because I didn't like what this woman said to me I'm going to quit. As if I can't deal with the truth or with being challenged or I expect people to always be nice to be and run away when they're not. I do feel that my therapist understands me alot better now than she did 4 months ago but I'm still really afraid of her making assumptions about me.

Thanks for listening,

Poss
 

David Baxter

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I'm still really afraid of her making assumptions about me.

This sounds like an excellent topic for one of your sessions with your therapist. :)
 
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i agree. i think it would be really good for you to bring this up with her and work through it with her. i am glad you feel she understands you better now, and i think that opens the door to open and honest discussions about how you feel about all of this. she can then hear from you directly how you feel and what's been going on, and will be better able to support you as well as maybe be able to guide the other involved counsellors about your situation, if you decide to let them continue to be a part of your support.

also i just wanted to let you know that i understand how commenting that you just need to think more positively just doesn't make sense. they indeed do not understand that with depression that isn't enough, because our brains have become wired differently and we just can't flip a switch just like that. it takes some work to change and climb out of the depression, both through medication and therapy combined. this might be a good point to bring up with your therapist that the supporting team needs to understand this better.

let us know how you do and hang in there!
 

ladylore

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Hi Poss.

Reading the thread I had a thought I wanted to pass on. I too had a hard time knowing that my therapist was talking with the "team" about our sessions. I know the intent is good and appropriate but because of my past it triggered me to no end.

The agreement we made is that she would tell me when she had a conversation about me and my care and what was said. Thankfully she has always stuck to it.

Sometimes people don't realise what our individual triggers are and what kind of events these triggers can set off inside us. Hope this helps a bit. :)
 

braveheart

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The psychiatrist I saw had a similar attitude when I was very suicidal coming off a medication. He told me to read 'Mutant message down under'. Bah.. And look at sunsets. And be grateful for what I had, that others don't have. Which didn't really reach me when I was so anxious I was running down the road away from anyone remotely near, and crying all the time at work.
So, I can empathise.
My GP, however, is wonderful.
And I see a private psychotherapist.
And have been discharged by the psychiatrist.
So I don't have the same kind of issues with a mental health team.

Have you thought about connecting up with Mind?

Have people made assumptions about you in the past?
 

braveheart

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A UK mental health organisation. They run all kinds of services - befriending, counselling, hearing voices groups, art therapy groups, social clubs.
They also have an excellent informative site. http://www.mind.org.uk
They also do an advocacy service.
 

David Baxter

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Ah, thanks. :)

I was aware of the website. I didn't realize (or recall) they had offline services too.
 

braveheart

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They do, very much so. My befriender was through Mind, and my local branch [Brent, London] do have a lot of services. Areas do differ as to what they offer, but cities are usually pretty good. They also do an email service and an infoline.
 

poss

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Hi,

Just wanted to say thanks to Intothelight, Ladylore and Braveheart for your helpful comments. Intothelight, thanks for your reassurance that depression is just not that easy to get yourself out of. Only people that have been there can know that and it makes me wonder what the motivation of these people on the mental health teams is. They appear to be reading it out of a book rather than having genuine concern. I don't see being a psychologist, therapist, etc. as a normal job, where you just get through your days' 'cases'. I feel it should be more than that, that they should actually care about the people they're dealing with and want to make a difference. I know I would.

Ladylore, thanks for your helpful comment about your therapist letting you know when they are in contact with others. My therapist actually said that to me yesterday when I said I was worried what they would tell her. She said she would let me know if she hears from them again and what was said. So I feel relieved about that.

Braveheart, thanks for your suggestion about Mind. There is a branch not too far from me, it doesn't have that many options as I don't live in a City, but it's definitely something I'll look into. So thank you.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Poss
 
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glad to hear you spoke to your therapist and that she said herself she would let you know what was being said. great to hear you have a Mind branch nearby. i hope that turns out to be more helpful to you. :goodjob:
 

Plex

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I keep having to have the same conversations and assessments with different people and it never leads anywhere.

Yeah, same here. It makes me think about what's actually going on and about my growing record -- that isn't a pleasant thought. I wonder, what would have to happen for them to lock me up and force me to take my meds...? I've heard, it has to involve harm to self or harm to others, but what does that mean. <admin edit: removed triggering details - please read the Forum Rules carefully>

How come no one understands me?

I ask myself that same question. There are many reasons. For one, you shouldn't show any anger when dealing with them. Do what I do and smile, constantly:)

Shrinks will try to annoy you on purpose - it's part of their game.
 
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Shrinks will try to annoy you on purpose - it's part of their game.
this isn't how it works, plex. therapists are there to help us, not to annoy us. that only would be counterproductive and wouldn't help anyone.
 

David Baxter

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For one, you shouldn't show any anger when dealing with them. Do what I do and smile, constantly :)

That's not neceesary and it's not helpful. I encourage my clients to express what they feel, including anger, and including when that anger is directed toward me. If you can't be honest in your therapy sessions, how can you expect them to help you?

Shrinks will try to annoy you on purpose - it's part of their game.

That simply isn't true. And it's not a game.
 

braveheart

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I agree that expressing anger in therapy is very therapeutic. It helps me understand that my anger can be heard and tolerated by others, as it wasn't by my parents.
 

Halo

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I also agree that expressing anger in therapy is a good thing. I know that I have had a lot of anger lately and went into my therapy sessions just letting it rip. While I have had therapists in the past that didn't take kindly to the expression of anger, there are a lot out there that actually encourage it.

I agree with David that if we can't express what we are really feeling in therapy (anger and all) then how can we expect them to help us and that is ultimately what they are there to do is help us along our journey.
 

Plex

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Help me? They're there to help me... That's it?

God bless them:)
 

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