• Quote of the Day
    "Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."
    George Burns, posted by David Baxter

Serenity

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Nov 9, 2006
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Went to my families last night for XMAS and boy...was I depressed afterwards. They were fine, it was a good night actually, but the depressing part is...my family has rejected and abandoned me most of my life and I felt that all over again last night. Everyone was laughing and having fun and once again I was on the sidelines...INVISIBLE. I found out one of my sisters is living with the other (who was my favorite sister/kind of like my mother cause my mother was never there for me). I felt so excluded. I never speak to either of them, nor my mother all year long and it's like they are super close and then..well..there's me. When I was young, this was SO familiar. It felt that way again. I am NOT suicidal but I often used to think that maybe if I died, or tried to commit suicide, that they were finally recognize I had value, and love me or something. I thought that way most of my childhood life and was surprised last night to be feeling that way again. It was very distressing. I should be happy I had a good night with everyone...but I found myself leaving very sad, lonely and depressed.

:-(
 

David Baxter

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One of the great difficulties with early childhood experiences and family relationships is that they are so hard to leave behind - because every time you're exposed to them again they trigger that little child in you and your reaction is the reaction of that child, not of you the adult. I think this is especially true with your parents. It's a reaction that is now out of time and out of place because you are no longer that little girl who needs them but an adult who is quite capable of living your life without ever even seeing or hearing from them if that's the way it has to be. That's the place you need to move toward, either on your own or in therapy.

I'm not trivializing this or understating how difficult it is. But it's essential. That place you need to move toward is where peace is.
 

just mary

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Hi Serenity,

I am sorry to hear you had such a rough time. I can feel for you as I'm in a similar situation. And Dr. Baxter is right, sometimes you just have to move on, to something better.

Take care and you're in my thoughts, :hug:

jm
 
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serenity, i don't know the dynamics of your family or what has led to you feeling excluded. i am sorry that this is what has happened to you. it is certainly difficult and painful. i find family relationships can be tricky and you need to find a way to make peace with it, either by accepting it, or maybe trying to change it, whichever you think would work best for you. only you can know what path to follow. :hug:
 

ThatLady

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Do you ever call your sisters or your parents, Serenity, or do you wait for them to call you? Sometimes, we have to reach out to others and allow them to realize we need them in our lives. If you do this, and get no response or an unsatisfactory response, it may be time to look (as Dr. Baxter suggested) toward moving on with your own life and letting them go to move on with theirs. It's not an easy thing to do, but it's sometimes the best thing to do. :hug:
 

Serenity

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Messages
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6
Do you ever call your sisters or your parents, Serenity, or do you wait for them to call you?

About 1 1/2 years ago I realized that I was the ONLY one calling, visiting, contacting them and decided to stop and see if stopping would have any effect on the relationship. I was VERY saddened to discover that it never fissed them. They went on about their life as if I never existed. Not such a surprise, but very disheartening. It was definitely NOT a reciprocal relationship, that's for sure. If I go back to contacting them, I know it is only I that will be maintaining the relationship. That is the terribly sad part for me.
 

David Baxter

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At that point, Serenity, I guess one has to ask oneself if there's enough coming back from the other people to make the relationship worth your efforts. I think there are some people who simply are not very good at initiating but can respond very positively if someone else takes the initiative. On the other hand, there are people who really just don't care one way or the other. The trick is differentiating the two.
 

ThatLady

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I can certainly understand your feelings, Serenity. It sounds like you did your part to encourage a relationship between yourself and the members of your family. They, however, didn't respond as you'd hoped they would. Perhaps, they're too wound up in their own lives to notice that there's someone knocking on their door - someone who'd like to be a part of their lives. That is very sad for all of you. They're missing the opportunity to have you as an integral part of their lives, just as you're missing them. They may not realize what they're missing as you do. That's their loss. :(

When you find yourself confronted with people who simply can't give back, the only thing to do is get on with your life. Find the things you like to do that make you happy. Find your contentment elsewhere. Once you've made a life for yourself that's based on your needs, your enjoyment, and your productivity, you'll find the need for involvement with people who don't have the time to give back disappears. There are too many people out there who are glad to share happiness, hard times and all the wonders life has to offer us. Look around and find some of them. They're looking for you, too. :hug:
 

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