After My Brother's Suicide...

[forgetmenot]

I wish my brother had someone who could have seen the signs (of his suicide) and helped him.

I am a nurse and i didn't see it either i wish i did but i had too many other people needing me who i thought were more critical.

I should have seen it and helped him now he is gone i won't screw up again. I'll keep my sister and daughter safe somehow i am going to have them both live with me so i can watch them more closely.

 

[Retired]

Re: Suicide Assessment

Mary,

You should not hold yourself responsible for your brother's suicide. As you know, people contemplating suicide sometimes give clues prior to the act, but others do not.

How long has it been since your brother's death?

i won't screw up again ill keep my sister and daughter safe somehow i am going to have them both live with me so i can watch them more closely

Is there any reason to feel your sister and daughter are at risk for suicide?

Have you considered seeing a mental health professional to help deal with your feelings of guilt?

 

[Mari]

Dear Mary, I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. My son died by suicide just over three years ago and I continue to suffer great sorrow from missing him so much. My son did not show any extreme or obvious signs that would indicate suicide so it was a very great shock. Take good care of yourself. :heart: Mari

 

[NicNak]

I am sorry for your loss Mary :hug:

TSOW is right, some people do not show any signs of distress before suicide. Some of us hide our pain very well.

Please don't put any blame on yourself.

Sorry for your loss too Mari :hug:

 

[texasgirl]

I am so sorry for the both of you, Mary and Mari. My husband committed suicide, and it took a long time to come to terms with the sorrow, anger, and the effect on my children. Mary, I, too, spent a very long time worrying about whether my children would take the same road. However, they continue to assure me that, because of their father, they would not ever do such a thing. It doesn't mean that I don't worry, though.

Please know that my thoughts are with you.

TG:support:

 

[forgetmenot]

my brother died last october his daughter called me for help and i told her i was overwhelmed with dealing with my identical twin who was suicidal at the time and my 19 yr old daughter had tried to kill herself ending up in ICU twice on ventilator if i just would have phoned him or talked with him i would have been able to tell him i was coming up to get him to take him home but i just ignored his daughters plea for help i thought his psychiatrist would help him now it is too late i shouldn't have ignored him i was in so much pain with my daughters attempts of suicide and my identical twins attempts i never in my dreams thought my brother would do this but then again when your in that kind of pain and feel noone gives a dam i don't know just miss him and want to say im sorry iwasnt there for him i should have been im a nurse i should have been more compassionate and heard his cry for help god my sister and daughter will stay with me and if it means loosing my husband so be it blood is thicker than water how does one forgive themselves for beings so dam consumed with themselves they loose the sight of the pain of a brother. i hate myself but have to stay here for my daughter and sister there is just too much pain to bring up everything from the past now i can't deal with all the pain i hve a psychologist but i have hard time trusting anyone never had anyone care for me i am always the care giver always the nurse not a very good one as i let one of my own die god i hateme.

mary added 5 Minutes and 20 Seconds later...

Mary,

You should not hold yourself responsible for your brother's suicide. As you know, people contemplating suicide sometimes give clues prior to the act, but others do not.

How long has it been since your brother's death?



Is there any reason to feel your sister and daughter are at risk for suicide?

Have you considered seeing a mental health professional to help deal with your feelings of guilt?

thanks feed back i won't screw up again my pain has to come second to my daughters and sisters that is all there is to it

 

[Jazzey]

Mary, I'm so sorry. I lost a good friend to suicide in November and I have much of the same thoughts that you have (and I'm by no means comparing these 2 situations - I understand it's apple and oranges but the guilt is still here).

Please take care of yourself Mary. Given your calling you know that suicide is a direct result of mental illness. As Mari suggested to you earlier, we don't always recognize the signs. Even those closest to us don't always know our internal dialogue. You couldn't have predicted what happened. I hope you're seeking therapy for all of this Mary. It's a lot to handle on your own...We're here for you to lean on, but you also need someone in the real world too. :support:

 

[Into The Light]

mary, first of all, i am very sorry for your loss.

i understand how easy it is to feel guilt and to blame yourself, i really do, i think it's a very natural reaction when something like this happens. it is quite possible though that had you taken care of your brother, maybe your twin or your daughter would have ended up as the ones taking their own life. trying to help one suicidal person whom you are that close to is very difficult as it is, you had 3 people you were trying to save. that is an enormous burden. to be honest i think you were in an impossible situation and there was no way you could have stayed on top of each person to the degree that you are expecting of yourself.

i too hope you'll consider counselling and opening up to a professional. the support will make the burden lighter.

 

[Halo]

:agree: :goodpost:

I too am sorry for your loss Mary as well as you too Jazzey :hug: :support:

 

[forgetmenot]

thank you to everyone for your thoughts i am sorry for everyones losses and i hope you all are getting the help you need i am grateful this sight exists because i have really noone to turn to without causing them pain my dr is kind but i really don't have it in me to trust anyone something i learned along time ago and i know the only one who will take care of me is me thanks for all of you . this sight is helping me because i get to stay in the dark and say what is hurting me thanks for caring

 

[Halo]

Mary,

I am glad that you feel comfortable enough here to talk with us and that we can be of some help and relief for you.

Take care

 

[forgetmenot]

mary your going to be okay your going to pull through everything just go to dr and start healing your going to be okay msg to myself

 

[forgetmenot]

still can't believe your gone if only i helped you you would be here god why i prayed for you to helphim prayed for help but no it never comes well im tired now too tired to try to cry to do anything why didn't you helllllllllp

---------- Post added later and automatically merged ----------

i do hold myself responsible i should have been there god i should have been there whydidn'g he call me why i am so stupid no insight no compassion toward his blight just ignored him just ignored him

 

[Into The Light]

you aren't responsible mary. there is just no way you can pin this on yourself. you're not the one that made him do this. he made that decision. he may have been so blinded by despair and hopelessness that it never even occurred to him to call you. or if it did, he would have told himself it was useless. those are all factors you had no control over and couldn't have control over. i know this is difficult and that you feel you could have saved him, but you had so much going on in your life. you were trying to keep two other people safe as well. you just didn't have the resources.

 

[forgetmenot]

i could have his daughter called i told her he be alright i should have called him ishould have went and go t him oh god he was all alone no one was there forhim not even his own wife or daughtr cared enough tostay with him i hate them for that i could have safed him i need to go away but cant

 

[Into The Light]

i'm sorry you feel this way so strongly. :support: you will get through this, just hang in there mary.

 

[forgetmenot]

nothing i say or do will bring him back i just need tosleep right now don't want to feel anything sorry

 

[white page]

Mary ,
the suicide of a family member is the most violent traumatic death that can happen for the ones left behind , the the rest of our lives we think if only I had done this or that , the guilt that you feel is what everyone feels in this situation , at times it turns to anger ( why didn't he or she reach out and give me a chance to help them ) when someone decides to do this , it is in a state of mind which makes suicide seem to be the only option , at times the decision is taken in a sudden and dramatic way and no one saw it coming at other times we only can understand the little signs that were there in retrospect , you are not to blame in any way at all , you will be seeing your T on monday , he will reassure you about this , it was his decision and ultimately his responsibility and not at all yours .
take care wp

 

[Jazzey]

Mary, when someone is suicidal, only they can change their minds about where they are. Sometimes they reach out to others and sometimes they don't. As bystanders we sometimes recognize the signs and sometimes we don't. I hope you don't mind, I'll share her what I've said to you via PM - I have a dear friend who's committed suicide in November 2008. I knew she was struggling but didn't appreciate the true darkness of her struggle. I still spend time with her parents whenever I can. And yes, it's easy for me now to recognize it. At the time, I just didn't. And it has been easy for me in recent months to really chastise myself for what I didn't do - but I also knew her well enough that she would never condone this thinking. To honour her memory, I'm staying on the path of recovery.

There are times when I dip into my own tunnel of no longer wanting to exist - and then I remember her. She would be so upset with me if she ever thought for one instant that I was considering it. Mary, honour your brother by taking care of yourself. And when you dip into the "why's" and "should of's" - remember that he would not want that for you...

You have a family that loves you and need you...focus on them and lean on us when you need to. We're all right here...

 

[white page]

nothing i say or do will bring him back i just need tosleep right now don't want to feel anything sorry

Hi Mary ,
you must be so tired after this week , I would suggest you do something nice for yourself right now , like a hot milky drink , and have a restful nap . when we are tired we tend to mull over things , try to think of a nice thing that heppened recently , smiles of thanks from the patients you are so caring about . a small child playing that you saw recently , focus on the good things if you can .

take care wp