After My Brother's Suicide...

[Jazzey]

Re: Going back to past or not?

Thanks, Jazzey. I am having a big meal tonight for Easter. I replaced myself at work as I was not coping there well. I am having a lot of physical pain now.

I talked with my twin and told her to do what the doctor in Guelph thinks what is best for her. I told her she could do whatever she wanted and that she was welcome here but I think for her to heal fully she needs to listen to her psychiatrist in Guelph. She said she would be in lock down for 6 months Jazzey. No home visits at all Jazzey. It is almost like army rules. I want to do what is right Jazzey so I told her to listen to her doctor, not me, do what he thinks is best. 6 months more treatment without seeing me Jazzey. What do you think?

You've been in my thoughts since yesterday Mary. :hug:

What do I think? I know that this will be difficult for both you and your twin. But I really, in my heart of hearts, believe that this decision needs to be handled by your twin's psychiatrist.

Does she know for a fact that she'll be in lockdown for 6 months, or is she speculating on this? Also, I've never heard of someone being in lockdown without being allowed visitors...But I'm not sure Mary.

For right now- I'm so proud of you for doing this. I really am. I know that it was really difficult for you. But I also know that you're doing what's right for your family and yourself. I'm so proud of you Mary!

For the time being, try not to speculate on what the psychiatrist will say. One day at a time Mary. :hug: :hug:

 

[white page]

Well done Mary , I am proud of you .

For giving yourself time from work , and for advising your sister so well .

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: Going back to past or not?

Thanks White Page and Jazzey My sister says that the Guelph group home does not allow them out even to do shopping they have to make a grocery list and instructors do the shopping. It seems so very cold. There is a group home in Toronto with weekend passes but her Psychiatrist in Guelph feels mytwin would do better with more strict rules. This is for her alcoholism i believe. He said he would visit her there too. I can't get into this decision because i want her safe with me. I think as you do let her dr tell her what to do then i won't be blamed for anything if it goes wrong. take care mary

 

[Jazzey]

It's not about avoiding blame Mary. It's about doing what's right - for your twin, for your daughter, for your husband & for yourself.

I really understand your need to keep everyone safe. To act as the protector right now. I get the feeling that you think the following: 1) that you have a duty to safeguard everyone, take care of them; 2) that you're going to "save" them; 3) that by taking on this task, you're somehow making amends for the past...It's one of the traps that I fall into quite regularly. That's to make myself feel better - but it doesn't mean that I help anyone and certainly not myself.

And I understand it because I play the same role in my family. BUT - you are not well yourself right now. You have some work to do on yourself to be better. Just like me Mary. I can't take anything else on right now - I would suffocate under the pain and overwhelming feelings. For right now, the best thing I can do for my family is to get better.

You too Mary - that's the best gift you can give any of them. You will all have your own recovery to go through and while you can lean on one another, none of you can become the sole source of support to the other.

Again, I'm so proud of you for making this decision Mary - it gives me a renewed sense that you still have that will to get better. When you're in this mind frame - that's when you'll truly be a good support to your daughter and twin...

And to make you smile :yahoo: :rock: :yahoo:

 

[white page]

Mary you have a great attitude about this ,
Your sisters Doctor is doing the very , very best for her , it is not for any one else to decide what she should do , she will be safer in the care of professionals than she would be with you , as you cannot care for her 24/24 , in fact she wouldn't be safe at all , as you go out to work .
There will be medical professionals to listen to her and support her through those low times , you cannot do this as you are too emotionally involved and you need to take care of you .

best wishes wp

 

[forgetmenot]

Thanks Jazzey for dancing guys and White Page i will just deal with things as they come. She has to be accepted into these group homes first one in Guelph or the Toronto one which she could come home on weekends to see me. Whatever happens i understand i cant get involve in her healing because i just don't have strength to deal with it. My daughter needs me now my strength will be with her. My twin will know that no matter what she is welcome here i just hope i am doing right thing by telling her to stay 6 more mths. mary The professionals will take care of her pain better than me your right. mary

 

[white page]

Mary
Of course you are right in advising her to listen to her Doctors her future wellbeing depends on it .
I know that you know this to be true and will do everything that will help her to
get better , it may mean not seeing her , as it is important for her to totaly concentrate on her own healing , and at times it means a total break from family for a time , I know that you understand and accept this , and will respect whatever her Doctors prescribe for her.

I hope that you feel more serene now knowing that she will be safe and cared for by professionals .

 

[forgetmenot]

I am so tired trying to do what is right it takes so much energy.

 

[Jazzey]

..I know Mary...That's why it's so important that you take care of yourself first. And why I've been pushing you to understand that you can't take care of everyone right now...:hug: :hug:

 

[white page]

Mary ,
Jazzey is so right , you need time out for yourself after all this concern for every one else .
take care and try to rest up some .

 

[Budoaiki]

Mary,

I think you are playing a huge role in your sister's healing because you told her how much you care for her and you gave her your support. I bet that means the world to her and knowing you will be there with open arms when she comes out of this will help her get through it.

 

[forgetmenot]

Thanks Budoaiki.

I know but I feel she is still hurt that I am not saying what she wants to hear. I know she wants to just come be with me. I know because I still feel responsible but logically i have to tell her to listen to her doctor.

I take her to the train station tommorrow am. Then I just have my daughter to take care of and of course my mom and two brothers who I see only once a week now.