an ending

[forgetmenot]

Just want an ending

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That’s just what your brain is telling you now. But you know it can’t be that way.

 

[forgetmenot]

I know sorry but it keeps pushing me it keeps telling me the only way but um ya have to not go there

 

[forgetmenot]

it has been a very very long day stayed inside all day could not bring myself outside even for wood for fire or fresh air hsb should be home soon then we have to go to out not much energy but have to tired it get so hard fighting with the thoughts i feel depleted almost not here.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It is exhausting at times, isn’t it? Maybe it will help to get outside for a bit.

 

[GaryQ]

Don't forget this time of year is a hard one... lack if warmth and daylight hours. Hang in there FMN spring is coming just a couple more months.

 

[forgetmenot]

Ya cold here all time got home 58 degrees in house putting fire on won't go upstairs as it will be even colder up there so will stay down here by fire.
Went to my grandson 4th birthday celebrations could not back out of that one but glad i went got to hold them all and hug them all.
Do not know why i am so sad now but eh time to try to shut down.

Hope tomorrow i can get me out a bit and not stay inside as it is suppose to be warmer tomorrow we will see.

 

[gooblax]

Glad to hear that you had a nice time at your grandson's birthday party fmn.
Have you tried other strategies rather than shutting down the sadness, like maybe journalling for a bit about what's on your mind, or doing some sort of mindfulness activity where you focus on how the emotion feels in your body?

I hope you get to go out tomorrow, and feel better soon.

 

[forgetmenot]

Thanks gooblax i will sometimes sit down and j ust write the words that come to mind let the words come out. I do not want to feel or deal with emotions just too hard it gets to painful and overwhelming so that is why i shut it all down. I have not seen therapist now will be 4 weeks but booked to see him this Thursday so hopefully will be able to get this mind to stop going to a way out i know the way out i do but i also know i cannot go there.

 

[GaryQ]

Bottling it up is really not healthy. It's like keep blowing up a tire or balloon sooner or later the built up pressure has no where to go and it explodes. Find some way to let it out even if it's scaring the wildlife in the area by just going outside and screaming from the top of your lungs. You need to work hard my friend on letting it all out. Hugs

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Bottling it up indefinitely isn't healthy, that's true, and grief just waits until you're ready anyway no matter how long that takes.

But when it's especially raw, there's nothing wrong with delaying it awhile until you're feeling a bit stronger.

 

[forgetmenot]

Hoping therapist will help me let some of it out in a more controlled way.

If i were to let it out that is when the want to leave comes because i cannot control it.

The sadness the pain and the anger and so much more, anyways up now i will try so hard to get out of here because being alone is not good for me even if i just go out for a coffee maybe. My mind says go look after girl and twin but i don't know that may not be best choice either i dont know.

 

[GaryQ]

Hope you have a great time out today!

 

[forgetmenot]

Ok decided to just go for coffee for now see how i do with that thanks

 

[forgetmenot]

Home could not finish coffee stomach got upset but stayed out walking in stores

Bought my girl a running coat with reflection on it to protect her when she walks at night from second hand store and something for eldest grandaughter then came home to eat sandwich worried about things but will try not to let mind go there.

 

[forgetmenot]

Saw therapist reinforced why i cannot leave grandchildren need me there

Eldest grandaughter who is just 8 fell injured her arm uggg she finally has a temp cast on it until mon where they will re xray it think she fractured growth plate
Dam anyways too long story but therapist just reinforced why i cannot leave yet. I don't know maybe trying cbd wont hurt maybe .
I know i have anxiety i do but it is the depression that is harming me more now just have to keep busy that all keep busy.

 

[GaryQ]

Sorry to hear your granddaughter brpke her arm. Hope it heals well and fast.

Saw therapist reinforced why i cannot leave grandchildren need me there.

And "ahem" we needs ya here

 

[forgetmenot]

Daughter hospital again tired this wi ll never end it wont

 

[GaryQ]

What happened FMN? Is she OK?

 

[forgetmenot]

she overdosed gravol and other things transferred her from one hospital to the larger hospital i should have went down today i should have followed my gut reaction i knew i knew she was in trouble omg now i wait they will keep her overnight i hope i told her to call me no matter what time i will go down and get her if need be but they will probably watch her and put her on iv flush her system I just wait now i wait you see you see it will never end i just pray whatever she took or did will not take her away or not cause her any further damage . I want to go to hospital but hsb says no he always says no don't go let them deal with it that there is nothing i can do omg im tired now i don't know what to do anymore i begged her to come back with her father i begged her to stay well i begged her i did i told her i would go get her just to stay well just to stay well and no no she had to do this again ipray she does not end up in ICU omg not again not again please god not again not again