an ending

[forgetmenot]

No calls from her today im afraid to call i jut cannot call i just can't just want her to be well again i want her treated well
hope she calls me soon.
I am so tired been in my pj since 7pm just wishing someone would let me know how she is doing. I hate having to ask twin all the time to call for me but maybe tomorrow i will get a call from her. If not i will ask my twin to call for me uggg.

 

[GaryQ]

As long as she’s in hospital she’s safe. Try and Get some rest!

 

[forgetmenot]

Cannot sleep hard when one knows too much your right she is getting the care she needs now she is right i hope so i hope they are caring for her with compassion like last hospital she was at. Sorry just so afraid just so afraid for her.

 

[GaryQ]

It’s normal to be afraid. And no, it will never be 100% smooth sailing for her. I don’t know her and I’m always worried about her. But she had made incredible progress since that stay at the good hospital. Try not to forget that! She stumbled but she’s been on a way better path lately and I find comfort in knowing that.

But you re a mama bear and you’ll always worry about her and naturally want to protect and keep her safe. I said it before and I’ll say it again she’s one lucky girl to have you as her mama bear

 

[forgetmenot]

My twin could feel my anxiety and called hospital for me without having to ask her they would not tell her much just that if she wanted to know things to come down and visit her. I am on my way down to hospital now she is still in emergency so i won't have to go behind lock doors I hope she is ok leaving now to see her.

 

[GaryQ]

Keep us posted please

 

[forgetmenot]

She was still very groggy not coherent at first very much but then as morning went on she started to come around. Dr came in she told dr she was still very depressed so dr reformed her told my daughter if she starts to feel better let doctor know she has ultrasound booked this wed for her kidney and liver don't know if she will be able to get that as it is in the smaller hospital it was booked. Let the personal support worker know that so hopefully someone steps in and sees if she can still get it done. Oh dear i got her lots of fluids while i was there and fruit bowl and a pizza for lunch. all they get while they are in emerg is a sandwich for lunch and supper with some apple sauce uggg. Hope she gets feeling better can still see the signs of the affect of the gravol on her. Wanted to take her home with me but knew she would be safer there for a few more days anyways. She says she felt like she was feeling so sad because of loosing her grandmother iknew i told her and loss of other people too and she could feel some of them not in heaven but in purgatory she was in a differ space her mind was. told the personal support worker that too. I hope they figure it all out maybe her liver and gallbladder not working so well all has a part of all this. For now she is safe not in the dam place the abuse her before just in emergency part so i could stay as long as i wanted not be booted out like before. she got tired again so i left and told her i would be back if not tomorrow next day but to call me let me know what is happening. She is getting blood work done so hopefully they can adjust her medication as need be. tired now going to put something on for supper then hopefully i can rest a bit afterwards.

 

[gooblax]

Glad to hear you got some time with your daughter and that they're looking after her.

 

[forgetmenot]

I know they are looking after her best they can emergency very busy kinda wish i took her home here uggg maybe tomorrow.

 

[GaryQ]

Maybe it might be a good idea to leave her there till they see fit to let her go? After all she is safe there which right now is the most important thing.

 

[forgetmenot]

Going to see my girl again today i don't care what anyone thinks or says she needs to know that she is cared for that people will not throw her away or judge her because of what is happening. Yes she makes bad choices yes but i do think there is some medical aspect to this physical aspect with her gallbladder and liver being affected and not working well. Oh well see what happens when i get there. I do hope that they can get her to her ultrasound tomorrow. i know i do know sometimes it is best to step away it is a hard call sometimes.

 

[forgetmenot]

Well drove all the way there only to find out she is in lock up area now not the one in emergency but upstairs and i could not visit her as the area was unsettled

Nurse said too much going on.
The nurse was kind though took the things i bought my daughter food clothing etc to her it upset her that i could not go in but i talked to her on phone and calmed her down.

I did a lot of running around re this ultrasound but it has to be done by the hospital she is at so they have to get it re-booked there.
The thing is her original requisition is in her purse i am sure of it and it is in security lock up
They have to think get security to bring her purse to her so she can get dam requisition ugggg not my problem now they i hope can deal with it.
I did give the nurse my daughter new doctors name as her old doctor has retired. That upset her too but the new doctor seems kind. I hope they relay any information to the new doctor as well.

She has also an appt with her psychiatrist i see this Thursday and i hope her act teams is aware she is in hospital and to cancel that appt.
I dropped by her apartment to make sure everything was turned off dam dam it looked like a bomb was set off in it food everywhere on floor dirty dishes everywhere on couch floor just upset me more.

Tried to clean up place as much as i could did her dishes that's it and got rid of all the gravol there i could find
i am home now haven't decide if i can go tomorrow or not they say visiting hours are only after 4pm that won't happen as hsb home then.

I will call tomorrow morning see if i can get in to see her for 20 min that is all that is allowed either tomorrow or Thursday. After seeing what i saw ya she belongs in hospital for awhile anyways.

One day at a time right she will be ok there i am glad she is not in the part she was before and tonight anyways she is with a kind nurse.
Again i being told to let her go let her go well that won't happen ever sorry just upsets me that people so easily can say and do that. would you walk away from someone that was suffering from cancer no she has a cancer like brain do they not see that her brain does not always work right oh well got to let it go for now hsb home soon have to get something on quickly for supper.

 

[forgetmenot]

Never mind hope the weather does not get too bad as i am not allowed to see daughter till the evening they say and for only 20min at a time in the intensive psychiatric unit. Most hospitals encourage visits with family it seems not when you have mental health problems.

 

[GaryQ]

I think the isolation and time limits are partly to protect the patient from outside triggers in a controlled environment. Many patients have issues that are caused or aggravated by their immediate family and friends and isolating them from the outside world can be helpful in the long run.

Try and keep in mind she’s there for a serious reason and needs help to learn to stop putting her life in danger.

 

[forgetmenot]

20 MIN is not long enough felt like i walk in and had to walk out. i was allowed 25 min that it could not talk to her nurse as she was at supper i guess. security guard allowed me to go down and get pizza and a pop for her and he would give it to her. She did not have lunch because all they had for her was tuna sandwich and she hates fish. I did that but he was not available so another nurse said she would give it to my daughter. I just hope my duaghter was not acting out after i left she was very emotional too.

I left so defeated i still feel so emotionally upset

Family members should be allowed to comfort their child no matter what time of day no matter how long it takes.
But rules are rules i told her i begged her to stay well. i have booked another 20 min visit for tomorrow she did say that she is getting her ultrasound done tomorrow so that is good. I could not even speak afterwards the words would not come out you know i fell apart anyways hopefully soon she will get out of lock up and to big ward where she can walk more. tired now need to rest i guess sorry for rambling.

 

[Mari]

Ramble all you want! Hopefully this will all turn out to be helpful for your daughter.

 

[forgetmenot]

Ultrasound still not done yet going again to see her 430 pm could not book 4 oclock one be dark when i have to drive home. ugg

Hoping she gets stable enough to transfer to the other side more room to move hoping ultrasound gets done today.

So tired may have to take a couple of days off from going to see her it really does drain me i am drained today no energy but i will try my best to not let her seee that.
Bought her stuff to color to keep her mind occupied when there.

Taking one day at a time as i am sure she is too. T,alked with my therapist yesterday on phone for few minutes so triggering going there being locked in hearing her words child like , oh breathing have to learn to just breath before i go and afterwards.

I just want her well strong again. another nurse there her son is doing well he is living independently, i am happy for her.

Just have to hold onto hope for my girl too. One day she too will have stability and um somehow be able to live independently on her own like the other nurse son is.

 

[forgetmenot]

Ending an ending to the cruelty and abuse really of all who suffer from mental illness. I am sorry but it is the professionals that abuse the mentally ill the worse they do.

More and more i see no hope and more and more it pushes the thoughts that ending it all will be the only way to escape seeing and hearing and feeling all the pain not only mine but others who are being treated like nothings.
She was stable for 4 months they do not see that.
I went to see her yesterday she is still locked up 12 days 12 days now. She wants to go home she wants out of there you don't know how they treat them. She had to void in a cup because they would not take her to the bathroom. It is sickening really really is i am sick i begged her not to ever get herself back there.

I don't know who called the ambulance but she does not deserve to be treated like an animal none of them do. Praying she gets out of the lock up and goes to the other side where she has room to move away from the yelling and cries for help.
If this is not appropriated please deleted it just so dam sad so sad for her omg.

Why is other hospital allows family in any time allows family to give support works with family they do. Not once was she treated like she was no-one not once was her feelings pushed aside

i mean to say i don't care what you feel or say how is that professional and when she would not stop stating how upset she was she was locked in her room for it.

Now i had to tell her don't show emotions don't approach anyone hide in your room so they don't harm you dam it so they don't harm you. what the hell kind of place is this when staff can bully a patient.

Yes there is kind staff ones that are trained and do their job in a professional manner thank God for them.

They are given her meds that are very addictive unlike the other hospital meds she will have to wean off if and when she gets discharged. Sorry cannot go see her today storming roads are bad omg just pray she has compassionate workers today because i will not be able to bring her mood up this evening. Her bad time is 4pm and on. never mind sorry please delete if inappropriate thanks

 

[GaryQ]

It is not in appropriate FMN. I sorry to hear she’s still in lockup. That’s sad.

i don’t want to manipulate you emotionally but honestly the fact you been hanging on is one of the main reasons I’m still here and hanging on in spite of also wanting an end to all this.

please hang in there my friend

 

[forgetmenot]

I hear you eh i have use that too hold on we both have to hold on i hear you omg so hard sometimes so hard

wish we both could find peace i wish all the ones suffering in that place could find a way out find healing and peace

compassion you know works better then all the dam sedatives they give them COMPASSION why is so dam hard for people in the healing profession to give that.

Don't worry been shoveling snow be out in the dam snow and ice just keeping me busy keeping my mind away from her pain. wish they would put her to the other side where she could talk to someone not be so alone in lock up.

i want to call crisis but i can't i can't trust anyone i can't trust anyone to call them not even going to call therapist not going to calll anyone trust no one tell my girl don't trust ok don't talk to them color use your book i give you and color do your yoga just stay quiet stay away from them all. One security guard he was kind the night i went he has compassion hope he talks to my girl keeps her calm brings her mood up some. Ya not about me i know that not about me it is about my girl one day i pray one day this will end for her too.

I am sorry GaryQ i know you are fighting hard to stay too take so much strength i do hope you are able to just have some rest time out with your friend and hope your other friend gets back soon too to spend time with you.