Always Changing
MVP
Now there's a man with a sense of humor.. 
- Thread starter greenstarz
- Start date
Excellent idea about writing down dreams... It's something I think I might need to do, too, especially lately. I would write them down and even share them with my therapist and we'd see if we could figure out if it was just a dream or if there was actually some meaning behind it.
I mentioned in another thread somewhere a dream where I was constantly trying to find some self-identity and on a seemingly impossible journey inside my own head (house with lots of passageways and distractions)... The only reason I remember it in such sharp detail is because when I got up from the dream I wrote it down immediately.
I think it helps in another way, of course, which is once you write it down on paper/computer it seems to come out of your head and stay on the paper. It's like once that thought/dream is out in the light of day, it's effects on my mind are much less. You know what I'm talkin' about?
I mentioned in another thread somewhere a dream where I was constantly trying to find some self-identity and on a seemingly impossible journey inside my own head (house with lots of passageways and distractions)... The only reason I remember it in such sharp detail is because when I got up from the dream I wrote it down immediately.
I think it helps in another way, of course, which is once you write it down on paper/computer it seems to come out of your head and stay on the paper. It's like once that thought/dream is out in the light of day, it's effects on my mind are much less. You know what I'm talkin' about?
greenstarz
Member
Steve, I only drink one or two cups of coffee in the early morning before 7am and than none. But the smoking thing, I agree, has to stop. I just can't deal with thinking of quitting right now. But it costs way too much money for me/
I was just wondering if anyone could tell me what made them decide to go into thhe hospital......AC i know you already said in a post, that you couldn't gaurentee if the next time you felt suicidal you wouldn't act on it. That's one reason. I guess I feel thatway a lot too. I never know how much control I will have over any of the feelings to hurt myself that I get. When I was little I used to get these awful feelings like I was going to loose control and start stabbing people with knives. It was shortly after my little brother was born, and I was terrified of those feelings, I was about 8 or 9. I knew they were bad feelings to have and I knew I could never tell anyone about them. What I would do was lay on my floor and pretend I was glued there and unable to m.ove until the feelings passed and I felt like I wouldn't hurt anyone. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but the feelings were so strong. So that's what I sort of do with the suicidal thoughts I have now. I pretend I'm glued down and can't move, that way I don't get up and act on it. Sometimes it's really hard to stay that way.
I was just wondeiring, to anyone, what finally made them decide to go? Was there ever a reason other than being suicidal that youwent? I've said this before but I've always been told to only be there if you're absolutely suicidal. Which makes it hard to judge when to go for me. I don't know how to say what I am thinking here. SIgh. I hope you all aren't mad that I havn't gone yet. I just need to talk about this. I got my stitches out earlier and the dr asked hwo I was feeling...I told him fine. I don't know him too well. I thought about telling him the truth but didn't know what would happen.
---------- Post added at 05:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:16 PM ----------
jolly, you areso true about after writing the dream down, it gets it out of your head and is so much easier to handle. When I was writing mine down before, I never shared them with anyone (therapist) because i just was like.....very disturbed by them and didn't know what my therapist at the time would think of me based on some of the things in the dreams
I was just wondering if anyone could tell me what made them decide to go into thhe hospital......AC i know you already said in a post, that you couldn't gaurentee if the next time you felt suicidal you wouldn't act on it. That's one reason. I guess I feel thatway a lot too. I never know how much control I will have over any of the feelings to hurt myself that I get. When I was little I used to get these awful feelings like I was going to loose control and start stabbing people with knives. It was shortly after my little brother was born, and I was terrified of those feelings, I was about 8 or 9. I knew they were bad feelings to have and I knew I could never tell anyone about them. What I would do was lay on my floor and pretend I was glued there and unable to m.ove until the feelings passed and I felt like I wouldn't hurt anyone. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but the feelings were so strong. So that's what I sort of do with the suicidal thoughts I have now. I pretend I'm glued down and can't move, that way I don't get up and act on it. Sometimes it's really hard to stay that way.
I was just wondeiring, to anyone, what finally made them decide to go? Was there ever a reason other than being suicidal that youwent? I've said this before but I've always been told to only be there if you're absolutely suicidal. Which makes it hard to judge when to go for me. I don't know how to say what I am thinking here. SIgh. I hope you all aren't mad that I havn't gone yet. I just need to talk about this. I got my stitches out earlier and the dr asked hwo I was feeling...I told him fine. I don't know him too well. I thought about telling him the truth but didn't know what would happen.
---------- Post added at 05:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:16 PM ----------
jolly, you areso true about after writing the dream down, it gets it out of your head and is so much easier to handle. When I was writing mine down before, I never shared them with anyone (therapist) because i just was like.....very disturbed by them and didn't know what my therapist at the time would think of me based on some of the things in the dreams
I'm glad to hear your stitches came out, under medical supervision, of course. No need to withold information from a doctor, even if you don't have a rapport with that individual. Doctors are trained to evaluate their patients objectively, so prior relationships should have little or no impact on the doctor's ability to advise you, as long as your medical history is available.
On the other hand, if the doctor you are seeing is performing one specific task, such as removing stitches or being consulted for a diagnostic purpose, chances are you would be advised to see your regular physician.
Considering the enormous stress you appear to be under at the moment, it is probably not a good time to add trying to give up smoking; however, if you can cut down gradually, that would help in the long run. Once you feel stabilized, then you can discuss smoking cessation with your doctor.
If you find it difficult to sleep, there may be a multitude fo reasons that should be discussed with your doctor, but cutting caffeine out of your daily routine would probably help. I am not a coffee drinker due to migraine, but I understand coffe cannot be stoped cold turkey, but you may consider tapering gradually so that you do not drink coffee, even in the morning. Then, staya way from caffeinated beverages, chocolate and even regular tea that often contains caffeine.
There may be other factors involved in your difficulty to sleep, but eliminating caffeine might be a worthwhile first step.
Why consider hospitalization?
The structure of the hospital environment helps alleviate the stress of daily life, thereby providing a sound foundation to receive treatment and therapy. Doctors can evaluate your condition thoroughly, while the nurses help you with routine tasks, again lessening stress and worry. Once the doctors make their diagnosis, your treatment can begin in a controlled environment, so modifications can be made in a timely manner to respond to any changes they observe, because you are being seen and followed on a regular basis.
People who work in hospitals, doctors, nurses, diagnostic staff and even many adminitrative staff are in that professsion because they like people, they care for people and want to help bring people back to good health.
For you, the benefit is that hospitalization may be your best chance to regain the quality of life you deserve.
On the other hand, if the doctor you are seeing is performing one specific task, such as removing stitches or being consulted for a diagnostic purpose, chances are you would be advised to see your regular physician.
Considering the enormous stress you appear to be under at the moment, it is probably not a good time to add trying to give up smoking; however, if you can cut down gradually, that would help in the long run. Once you feel stabilized, then you can discuss smoking cessation with your doctor.
If you find it difficult to sleep, there may be a multitude fo reasons that should be discussed with your doctor, but cutting caffeine out of your daily routine would probably help. I am not a coffee drinker due to migraine, but I understand coffe cannot be stoped cold turkey, but you may consider tapering gradually so that you do not drink coffee, even in the morning. Then, staya way from caffeinated beverages, chocolate and even regular tea that often contains caffeine.
There may be other factors involved in your difficulty to sleep, but eliminating caffeine might be a worthwhile first step.
Why consider hospitalization?
The structure of the hospital environment helps alleviate the stress of daily life, thereby providing a sound foundation to receive treatment and therapy. Doctors can evaluate your condition thoroughly, while the nurses help you with routine tasks, again lessening stress and worry. Once the doctors make their diagnosis, your treatment can begin in a controlled environment, so modifications can be made in a timely manner to respond to any changes they observe, because you are being seen and followed on a regular basis.
People who work in hospitals, doctors, nurses, diagnostic staff and even many adminitrative staff are in that professsion because they like people, they care for people and want to help bring people back to good health.
For you, the benefit is that hospitalization may be your best chance to regain the quality of life you deserve.
To add to what Steve said:
Unfortunately, most psych hospitals (that I have been to, anyway) don't offer partial hospitalization. But if you live in a large enough town or city, there is probably at least one.
From what I remember, most private insurance providers don't usually pay for partial hospitalization. But that may be different for Medicaid and Medicare:
greenstarz
Member
Steve, I am not trying to argue with you heree, but the quality of therapy and that type of stuff, even the quality of med management during the hospital stays I've had has been awful. Thehospital I would choose to go to has an adult psych until and an adult addiction unit. They do combined groups for both units and most of the people are dealing with addiction issues, so that is what the groups are all about.
I don't use drugs or alcohol so it's of no benefit to me. That is all of the therapy type of thing they have for the inpatients. I would choose that hospital over the others because everything else about it is much better and more comfortable for me. I suppose then, the only reason I should go is for being suicidal. Today has been a bad day so far and I;ve injured again, I just needed to escape.
Ive noticed that I;m starting to want to talk the antihistimines every time i start to feel it wareing off. I like the sleepyness and mellowed out groggy feeling it gives me. Theyre not addictive or anything, but I don't this to get to besomething I start doing all the time. I;m feeling really depressed today and am moving again towards the decision to go to the hospital.
I still feel like I;m safe enough to sink into the couch and fade away with the meds still though. I'm sorry I keep going on like this alll the time over and over. I told myself I wasnt going to keep saying stuff about going to thehospital unless I had made the decision to go so that I don't frustrate anyone, but Ijust have to get these thoughts out of my head.
I apologixe if it looks like I just keep talking about thsi and doing nothing. I honestly am doing something, I am thinking through all of it and trying to decide. I am trying to fight so hard about this. I think that one part of me is fighting it and saying no no no dont go, but the other, rational, part of me thinks I might need it more and more every day. I am just so confused and froxen. I hope you understand. I'm sorry.
Daniel.. My city has one partial hospitalization program but it's only for people coming out of the hospital adn readjusting to regular life. My therapist and I have looked into that option in the past. There are partial programs for drug rehab but not for psychiatrist illness. It really frustrates me because if I had to do somethign, i would be more willing to do a program like that instead of inpatient. But it's just not an option. We only have inpatient programs.
Right now I guess I just feel unable to make any decision. Idont know if that is from teh depression, or from fear or worry about what people in my life would think or just laziness.. I just cant do anything. its just too hard. i'm just too tired to act on anything I decide right nwo. Please understand
I don't use drugs or alcohol so it's of no benefit to me. That is all of the therapy type of thing they have for the inpatients. I would choose that hospital over the others because everything else about it is much better and more comfortable for me. I suppose then, the only reason I should go is for being suicidal. Today has been a bad day so far and I;ve injured again, I just needed to escape.
Ive noticed that I;m starting to want to talk the antihistimines every time i start to feel it wareing off. I like the sleepyness and mellowed out groggy feeling it gives me. Theyre not addictive or anything, but I don't this to get to besomething I start doing all the time. I;m feeling really depressed today and am moving again towards the decision to go to the hospital.
I still feel like I;m safe enough to sink into the couch and fade away with the meds still though. I'm sorry I keep going on like this alll the time over and over. I told myself I wasnt going to keep saying stuff about going to thehospital unless I had made the decision to go so that I don't frustrate anyone, but Ijust have to get these thoughts out of my head.
I apologixe if it looks like I just keep talking about thsi and doing nothing. I honestly am doing something, I am thinking through all of it and trying to decide. I am trying to fight so hard about this. I think that one part of me is fighting it and saying no no no dont go, but the other, rational, part of me thinks I might need it more and more every day. I am just so confused and froxen. I hope you understand. I'm sorry.
Daniel.. My city has one partial hospitalization program but it's only for people coming out of the hospital adn readjusting to regular life. My therapist and I have looked into that option in the past. There are partial programs for drug rehab but not for psychiatrist illness. It really frustrates me because if I had to do somethign, i would be more willing to do a program like that instead of inpatient. But it's just not an option. We only have inpatient programs.
Right now I guess I just feel unable to make any decision. Idont know if that is from teh depression, or from fear or worry about what people in my life would think or just laziness.. I just cant do anything. its just too hard. i'm just too tired to act on anything I decide right nwo. Please understand
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Greenstarz,
I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing these difficult decisions. Nothing you have said is argumentative in any way, and it appears clear you are struggling with having to make this important decision.
I believe decisions should be made after trying to gather as much available information as possible, and on considering the benefits and disadavantages of one choice over the other. Sometimes the information requires an informed person to help interpret the options, because we may not be sufficiently knowledgeable about the subject.
Specialists usually come under the category of professionals such as lawyers, accountants and doctors.
Here is where you might consider consulting a specialist, like your personal doctor, familiar with your medical history and the medical facilities in your area to help you decide what's best for you.
Others you might consider discussing your options with could be a trusted family member or friend or a spiritual advisor but I feel your doctor should be the primary consultant.
With this information on hand, and weighing your options, look at your present quality of life and then ask yourself what steps need to be taken to regain the quality of life you strive for and make a plan on how to achieve that goal. It may require several intermediate steps, but once you figure out a plan toward good health, you need to commit to it and work at it until you can enjoy the quality of live you deserve.
What's this about? Is this something prescribed by your doctor or over the counter preparations that you take for what purpose?
I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing these difficult decisions. Nothing you have said is argumentative in any way, and it appears clear you are struggling with having to make this important decision.
I believe decisions should be made after trying to gather as much available information as possible, and on considering the benefits and disadavantages of one choice over the other. Sometimes the information requires an informed person to help interpret the options, because we may not be sufficiently knowledgeable about the subject.
Specialists usually come under the category of professionals such as lawyers, accountants and doctors.
Here is where you might consider consulting a specialist, like your personal doctor, familiar with your medical history and the medical facilities in your area to help you decide what's best for you.
Others you might consider discussing your options with could be a trusted family member or friend or a spiritual advisor but I feel your doctor should be the primary consultant.
With this information on hand, and weighing your options, look at your present quality of life and then ask yourself what steps need to be taken to regain the quality of life you strive for and make a plan on how to achieve that goal. It may require several intermediate steps, but once you figure out a plan toward good health, you need to commit to it and work at it until you can enjoy the quality of live you deserve.
What's this about? Is this something prescribed by your doctor or over the counter preparations that you take for what purpose?
greenstarz
Member
Thanks Steve. If my therapist were in town, I would be talking about it with her. But ultimately she would say it had to be my decision. Making such a huge decision right now to me seems impossible.
I guess I should consider calling my psychiatrist. But I am terrified to call her. I saw her last week (i think it was only last week) and didn't tell her at all about the suicidal thoughts. I just didn't feel comfortable enough with her yet to tell her that. I've only been seeing her for a few months. Now if I were to call her, I don't know if she would take it seriously or beleive me. It's very difficult for me to call people, especially people like mypsychiatrist or even my therapist. It's justa huge thing for me to actually do. Plus, I don't know if I'm prepared for what she might say--to go to the hospital.
Then there's the other counselor my therapist gave me to call.... that's an option, but she doesn't know me. I think the only thing she mihgt be able to do is talk through the pros and cons, but I've already done that here.
I could call the hospital. Actually, if I get up enough courage and strength to actuallycall somewhere, that is probably what I would do. Last time I was there, they said I could call anytime I needed to in the future. I wouldn't have to tell them how bad it is, so that they don't just automatically say, "come in right now" and not let me give my reasons for wanting to not go in. Do you know what I mean? I could justsay I've been considering going into the hospital and say some of the things I've been struggling with. I really think that would probably be the best choice out of the three I just listed. But I'm paralyzed with fear about actually doing it. I think it has a lot to do with the social phobia I have. I know it's not impossible to do, but it is very very hard for me, plus the depression makes it even harder to do. I don't know how to force myself to do it. I am just not able to right now
I saw the post you made about antihistamines as sleep aids. Yes, I was using them to sleep....to sleep all day and night. It didnt work too well, but I was groggy enough to not be fully with it which was better than being awake. At night though pretty bizarre things have been happening. I looked in the bathroom this morning and saw this candle that I had been saving because it was so pretty the way it was wrapped up. Well, I vaguely remember unwrapping it in a semi asleep state last night and trying to wash my hands with it as if it was soap. I also remember other weird things I started doing in a semi sleep state last night. SO I think that maybe the antihistamine with the trazodone is too much at night. But still, it doesn;t knock me out completely. I just am looking for quality sleep, which I have never in my life had. never. That makes me very desperate right now because I wish I could just escape to sleep all the time but I cant because of what I just said, and also because when I do sleep it's filled with nightmares.
I guess I should consider calling my psychiatrist. But I am terrified to call her. I saw her last week (i think it was only last week) and didn't tell her at all about the suicidal thoughts. I just didn't feel comfortable enough with her yet to tell her that. I've only been seeing her for a few months. Now if I were to call her, I don't know if she would take it seriously or beleive me. It's very difficult for me to call people, especially people like mypsychiatrist or even my therapist. It's justa huge thing for me to actually do. Plus, I don't know if I'm prepared for what she might say--to go to the hospital.
Then there's the other counselor my therapist gave me to call.... that's an option, but she doesn't know me. I think the only thing she mihgt be able to do is talk through the pros and cons, but I've already done that here.
I could call the hospital. Actually, if I get up enough courage and strength to actuallycall somewhere, that is probably what I would do. Last time I was there, they said I could call anytime I needed to in the future. I wouldn't have to tell them how bad it is, so that they don't just automatically say, "come in right now" and not let me give my reasons for wanting to not go in. Do you know what I mean? I could justsay I've been considering going into the hospital and say some of the things I've been struggling with. I really think that would probably be the best choice out of the three I just listed. But I'm paralyzed with fear about actually doing it. I think it has a lot to do with the social phobia I have. I know it's not impossible to do, but it is very very hard for me, plus the depression makes it even harder to do. I don't know how to force myself to do it. I am just not able to right now
I saw the post you made about antihistamines as sleep aids. Yes, I was using them to sleep....to sleep all day and night. It didnt work too well, but I was groggy enough to not be fully with it which was better than being awake. At night though pretty bizarre things have been happening. I looked in the bathroom this morning and saw this candle that I had been saving because it was so pretty the way it was wrapped up. Well, I vaguely remember unwrapping it in a semi asleep state last night and trying to wash my hands with it as if it was soap. I also remember other weird things I started doing in a semi sleep state last night. SO I think that maybe the antihistamine with the trazodone is too much at night. But still, it doesn;t knock me out completely. I just am looking for quality sleep, which I have never in my life had. never. That makes me very desperate right now because I wish I could just escape to sleep all the time but I cant because of what I just said, and also because when I do sleep it's filled with nightmares.
Always Changing
MVP
Forgive me for taking this out of context to the rest of your post Greenstarz, But haven't you said somewhere that you wish some else could make the decision for you?.
You are really agonizing over this and I really really feel for you, maybe it's time to stop thinking of all the obstacles (reasons for not going in,) and let those who can make that decision make it.
I know the pro's and con's are important to work out, the most important Pro here is as I see it, is that you will be SAFE, the agonising over will you or won't you will stop churning in your head.
Try the hospital and see what comes of it.. you won't know until you make the call.
I can relate and understand this so well. :hug:
You can always hang up.
There are some very good options your physician might offer to improve your sleep, that won't be disruptive in the way repeated use of antihistamines have caused for you.
Your psychiatrist should not be shocked, surprised, offended or disappointed if you reveal your suicidal thoughts. Your psychiatrist is a professional whose only interest should be to fully understand your symptoms and to provide you with rational options that might improve your illness.
Your psychiatrist is not a mind reader, so the only way to get the treatment and help you need is to fully disclose all your concerns.
Your psychiatrist should not be shocked, surprised, offended or disappointed if you reveal your suicidal thoughts. Your psychiatrist is a professional whose only interest should be to fully understand your symptoms and to provide you with rational options that might improve your illness.
Your psychiatrist is not a mind reader, so the only way to get the treatment and help you need is to fully disclose all your concerns.
greenstarz
Member
imsorry i just really really need to talk to my therapist right now and its the one thing I can'tdo i feel like she doesnt care about me or what happens to me i know thats bad and wrong, but i cant help thinking those things. i feel so alone, like i'm never going to see her again. and i'm so mad at her for not being there right now......i just need her right now so bad you are right AC, that i did say I just want someone to decide for me, but when it comes down to it, i dont like the decision they would make to make me go in, but i just feel so alone and unsafe not being in. i don't kno w whats wrong with me, why i think these ways, why i cant decide or just let someone decide for me. pretty much nothing is a good decision right now. i feel so hopeless about even the whole hospital situation. and even if i went its not like it would do anything. its not even like i'd really be safe. i can hurt myself or worse there. they don;t care. i don't feel safe anywhere. there's no where i can go to get away from hurting myself......i feel so overwhelmed and hopeless with that. i know im completely annoying right now and im so sorry. i dont know whats wrong with me i just keep going in circles and i just cant stop it. i need my therapist right now....i just wish icould takl to her so much
steve...i am also using the antihistamine for my hives that i get on myhands and feet and other places.....i think theyre from anxiety but now im not sure...but ive been taking it when i dont have any hives either to make me groggy
i just really really need to talk to my therapist right now and its the one thing I can'tdo i feel like she doesnt care about me or what happens to me i know thats bad and wrong, but i cant help thinking those things. i feel so alone, like i'm never going to see her again. and i'm so mad at her for not being there right now......i just need her right now so bad you are right AC, that i did say I just want someone to decide for me, but when it comes down to it, i dont like the decision they would make to make me go in, but i just feel so alone and unsafe not being in. i don't kno w whats wrong with me, why i think these ways, why i cant decide or just let someone decide for me. pretty much nothing is a good decision right now. i feel so hopeless about even the whole hospital situation. and even if i went its not like it would do anything. its not even like i'd really be safe. i can hurt myself or worse there. they don;t care. i don't feel safe anywhere. there's no where i can go to get away from hurting myself......i feel so overwhelmed and hopeless with that. i know im completely annoying right now and im so sorry. i dont know whats wrong with me i just keep going in circles and i just cant stop it. i need my therapist right now....i just wish icould takl to her so much steve...i am also using the antihistamine for my hives that i get on myhands and feet and other places.....i think theyre from anxiety but now im not sure...but ive been taking it when i dont have any hives either to make me groggy
Always Changing
MVP
spiking high anxiety, Seriously depressed, Si'ing, suicidal at times, distorted thinking, self medicating . And you are trying to cope on your own with this.
Greenstarz What would you say to me if the situation were reversed and you were reading the above.?
You are not annoying in the least, (actually I was thinking that it was I that might be annoying you.
Hi greenstarz,
Did you say earlier that your regular therapist is on vacation? But you have two other people you can call?
It's definitely not a good sign if you need to constantly numb yourself and freeze yourself into some kind of hibernation with any drug, even with antihistamines... If you are doing that in an effort not to feel like acting on your suicidal thoughts or because you are trying to numb yourself, then isn't that a sign right there that you can't deal with things on your own anymore?? You are going to make yourself sick or make yourself so groggy that you can't do anything? What happens if you make yourself seriously ill on the antihistamines and you don't call the hospital or anyone? You will feel worse and worse, and then you might try some other drug on top of what you are already taking. This is risky.
You can overdose on it.
I would think that because you don't actually have a cold, and are so desperate to stop those thoughts, then you are probably using more than normal the recommended amount. Please call your psychiatrist, the helpline, or the hospital, okay, greenstarz? Call someone who will know what to do and will help you.
Did you say earlier that your regular therapist is on vacation? But you have two other people you can call?
It's definitely not a good sign if you need to constantly numb yourself and freeze yourself into some kind of hibernation with any drug, even with antihistamines... If you are doing that in an effort not to feel like acting on your suicidal thoughts or because you are trying to numb yourself, then isn't that a sign right there that you can't deal with things on your own anymore?? You are going to make yourself sick or make yourself so groggy that you can't do anything? What happens if you make yourself seriously ill on the antihistamines and you don't call the hospital or anyone? You will feel worse and worse, and then you might try some other drug on top of what you are already taking. This is risky.
and that is a direct quote from Antihistamine Overdose | Overdose Symptoms I don't want to be overdramatic, but have you been keeping track of how many antihistamines you are taking??
You can overdose on it.
They say in that link that if you think you have overdosed on antihistamines to call 911 ASAP.
I would think that because you don't actually have a cold, and are so desperate to stop those thoughts, then you are probably using more than normal the recommended amount. Please call your psychiatrist, the helpline, or the hospital, okay, greenstarz? Call someone who will know what to do and will help you.
greenstarz
Member
daniel, the links you gave have helped me understand stuff better and have helped me with ideas on how to cope. im going to write sstuff down to talk about with my therapist about all of this when she gets back.
AC you are not annoying, you are all so kind and supportive. thank you all so much. AC, i would tell you it;s time for the hospital if you told me all of that. urgh
jolly, thanks for all that info you posted, ive decided to stop with the antihistamines unless i need it for severe hives and then i'll only take one. and as soon as i can talk to a dr ill see if they can give me something safer and more effective.i just got kkiinda out of control with them because of the relief from reality that it gave me. but i promise i wont do thart annymore.
i emailed a member from my bipolar support group who is pretty stable and healthy mentally. she take good care of herself mentally and is strong and well. she is an older lady and has wisdojm and experienvce. i told her what was happening because i've missed the last few groups and i'm waiyting for her reply. i'm hoping she will be able to be helpful or at least supportive, i feel like that's a good step for me. mayybe she can help me call the hospital...i don;t jknow.
ireally appreciate all of your support and paticence andunderstanding. it has honestly been all of you that have gotten me through this far.
right now i feel so numb and dead i can barely move. everything just feels in slow motion right now. i feel so hopeless that i will ever truly find relief from this. i don't want to live this way anymore. i hope i find the strength to call the hospital with that lady tomorrow it hurts so much
AC you are not annoying, you are all so kind and supportive. thank you all so much. AC, i would tell you it;s time for the hospital if you told me all of that. urgh
jolly, thanks for all that info you posted, ive decided to stop with the antihistamines unless i need it for severe hives and then i'll only take one. and as soon as i can talk to a dr ill see if they can give me something safer and more effective.i just got kkiinda out of control with them because of the relief from reality that it gave me. but i promise i wont do thart annymore.
i emailed a member from my bipolar support group who is pretty stable and healthy mentally. she take good care of herself mentally and is strong and well. she is an older lady and has wisdojm and experienvce. i told her what was happening because i've missed the last few groups and i'm waiyting for her reply. i'm hoping she will be able to be helpful or at least supportive, i feel like that's a good step for me. mayybe she can help me call the hospital...i don;t jknow.
ireally appreciate all of your support and paticence andunderstanding. it has honestly been all of you that have gotten me through this far.
right now i feel so numb and dead i can barely move. everything just feels in slow motion right now. i feel so hopeless that i will ever truly find relief from this. i don't want to live this way anymore. i hope i find the strength to call the hospital with that lady tomorrow
it hurts so much
Whenever you find your copy of Feeling Good, the chapter on hopelessness/suicide is chapter 15. Some excerpts are online: "Defeating Hopelessness & Suicide"
From the end of the chapter (pg. 404, which is not online):
Also, from another good author, Robert Leahy:
Hey greenstarz, just popping into the forum to see how things are going. Did that lady touch base with you? Emailing probably isn't the fastest way to get help, but if you didn't have her phone number then it's better than nothing. It's just sometimes people don't read their email for days, or are on vacation, or have computer problems, etc...
Is there an actual phone number you can call if she hasn't responded to your email yet?
Is there an actual phone number you can call if she hasn't responded to your email yet?
greenstarz
Member
daniel.. i read the chaepter from the link you posted. it was a good chapter. thank forposting the links. maybe i'll get that book of i can. thanks again for that.
jolly.. i did get a response from the lady i talked about. she asked me some quetstions about stuff and i wroteback and now im waiting again for her response. she said she thinks the hospital sounds like a good idea as long as they dont change all my meds around....which they usually do....because that can really messyou up, which it has in the past for me. i dont even know what they can or will do to help me. i just dont know. thanks for asking me jolly. im closer in my mind to going to the hospital now. i feel like it might be a good decision...maybe just so i can just fall apart there instead of trying to fight so hard out here. i dont knowhow much longer i can fight
---------- Post added at 05:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:39 PM ----------
ok, i just heard back from that lady again. she said she is very concerned with how bad and intense the suicidal and self injury urges are in me. she said she doesn;t know what else could help but to g o inpatient. i'm ready to say that i willl go in, i just have the concern that the suicidal thoughts and even the self injury impulses are not constant. there are times when i don't feel that way. i know ive said thisbefore, but i just have this fear that i dont deserve the help unless im really bad off. i always feel like i have to be as bad as possible to get help because i don't want them to think i feel sorry for myself or am overreacting. those are things that stand in my way of asking for help time and time again. i'm afraid they wont believe me, and then i would have taken this huge risk of asking for help and extending myself to someone and they wouldn't even take me seriously. i know i've said these things befoee, but they are deep ways that i feel. it is extrememly hard for me to ask for help. and i always tend to pretend i'm ok......i don't know why i do that really. it's hard being vunerable. i feel like i'm not allowed to feel bad and express it. its something thts hard for me to do in real life, thats why this place is such a relief for me, because I can be that way here.
anyway, im ready to say ill go in now but im not ready to go right now. i dont know what i have to wait for, i just need to live with this decision for a little while. im really scared and nervous about doing this. it is taking sooo much effort to do this. im scared at what is doing to happen. how they will treat me, how i will act, what will happen. i just want to disappear
another thing.. the lady said she wants to visit me while I'm there. i dont know how i feel about that but im afraid to tell her no.....so now im full of anxiety over that
jolly.. i did get a response from the lady i talked about. she asked me some quetstions about stuff and i wroteback and now im waiting again for her response. she said she thinks the hospital sounds like a good idea as long as they dont change all my meds around....which they usually do....because that can really messyou up, which it has in the past for me. i dont even know what they can or will do to help me. i just dont know. thanks for asking me jolly. im closer in my mind to going to the hospital now. i feel like it might be a good decision...maybe just so i can just fall apart there instead of trying to fight so hard out here. i dont knowhow much longer i can fight
---------- Post added at 05:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:39 PM ----------
ok, i just heard back from that lady again. she said she is very concerned with how bad and intense the suicidal and self injury urges are in me. she said she doesn;t know what else could help but to g o inpatient. i'm ready to say that i willl go in, i just have the concern that the suicidal thoughts and even the self injury impulses are not constant. there are times when i don't feel that way. i know ive said thisbefore, but i just have this fear that i dont deserve the help unless im really bad off. i always feel like i have to be as bad as possible to get help because i don't want them to think i feel sorry for myself or am overreacting. those are things that stand in my way of asking for help time and time again. i'm afraid they wont believe me, and then i would have taken this huge risk of asking for help and extending myself to someone and they wouldn't even take me seriously. i know i've said these things befoee, but they are deep ways that i feel. it is extrememly hard for me to ask for help. and i always tend to pretend i'm ok......i don't know why i do that really. it's hard being vunerable. i feel like i'm not allowed to feel bad and express it. its something thts hard for me to do in real life, thats why this place is such a relief for me, because I can be that way here.
anyway, im ready to say ill go in now but im not ready to go right now. i dont know what i have to wait for, i just need to live with this decision for a little while. im really scared and nervous about doing this. it is taking sooo much effort to do this. im scared at what is doing to happen. how they will treat me, how i will act, what will happen. i just want to disappear
another thing.. the lady said she wants to visit me while I'm there. i dont know how i feel about that but im afraid to tell her no.....so now im full of anxiety over that
Because you are under so much stress, while feeling depressed and thinking suicidal thoughts, making a decision can seem a burden, if not impossible as you are currently experiencing.
The illness is impeding your ability to process logical thoughts, and even though your decision to go into hospital is sound and correct, you continue to struggle.
Everyone who has counseled you is advising the same thing..get yourself into the hospital.
This should now be the focus of your attention and you should be making arrangements to be admited now.
Disregard all the other competing thoughts, anxieties and internal conflicts, Greenstarz and make the calls necessary for admittance to hospital. The doctors know what to do once you arrive.
Promise to keep yourself safe until you speak to the doctor after you have been admitted.
The illness is impeding your ability to process logical thoughts, and even though your decision to go into hospital is sound and correct, you continue to struggle.
Everyone who has counseled you is advising the same thing..get yourself into the hospital.
This should now be the focus of your attention and you should be making arrangements to be admited now.
Disregard all the other competing thoughts, anxieties and internal conflicts, Greenstarz and make the calls necessary for admittance to hospital. The doctors know what to do once you arrive.
Promise to keep yourself safe until you speak to the doctor after you have been admitted.
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