More threads by charlie42


I have had a problem 4-5 times now calling my wife my ex's name at the end of the statement "I love you..." I am looking directly at my wife and it comes out. I don't love my ex, I married her to get outta the house and she was the first same religious person of the same faith that would go out with me... CatholicSingles website wasn't available at the time.

I was 30 when I left the house to get married. I grew up sheltered, shy, and didn't go out with that many gals. Even through college. Did have one girlfriend then, she wasnt catholic, but we broke up after 24months. She went to another guy/nationality/culture.. Nother story...

So reason for marriage failure... we couldnt communicate, I felt she wanted the posh life and she wouldnt do anything for it(getting degree, newer job, etc, we also had financial woes, I took on two jobs, she wouldnt even consider it, she went out with her friends... That marriage just wasn't and shouldn't have happened. I just didn't have the backbone to stick up for myself and say no.

Well, the marraige ended after 5 and a half years... the divorce was bitter as she wouldnt assist in any financial debt and I was bitterly upset. Two years later after the divorce and I had gone through anullment, I meet a gal I had a crush on in highschool. One that I could communicate with and felt wow... someone I can finally talk to. She had 3 kids, and she had been divorced... ... we move in together after going out for 3, I was in heaven... 9 months later, married... In our short courting... after we made love, I said 'I love you .. Ex' name popped out... why, I don't know, never an ex girlfriend, but the exwife name... ' She was miffed, saying cautiously, more like pissed ready to kill... why did it come out, I don't know... then about 4 months later, I caught myself with saying the first constanant... L.. instead of B... totally different, but it was still you knew what was going to come out... then a year into marriage, I said again... not after making love, but lying next to her I said, I love you L... I coulda shot myself... why did it come out...

The wife had just come back from vacation with the kids. #2 is graduating and I felt it would be the last time they could take a good vacation together... so, she and the kids with her mom went. I took care of the house and worked while she was gone... I went through the garage to make sure there was no more stuff or pictures I had that would remind me of the ex. I kept scenic shots from vacations, but shredded others that had her picture in it. Earlier had burned the wedding album with the wife giving me the pics to go into the fireplace. The ex was part of my life for 7 frustrating years. So I had stuff. But its like why did it come out... my wife was livid. I was in total denial, but also, why... I am looking at my wife and the ex's name comes out?

The wife wants a 100% guarantee that it will not happen again. I am afraid to guarantee that, as all the time I am calling my sisters by another sisters name. (I have 5 sisters)... I have a history of calling one son the dog's name... I don't want to guarantee something that I can't believe might not happen again with my past history incorrectly naming... Especially, I truly and madly and passionately love my wife no way the ex.

Ever experience this or have it happen to you?

She has never called me another name. She could name a few too if needed be. But never has. Her dad has, but never in an I love you statement... I shake it off... I can see where it hurts, where it is just not right... but I don't know why it happens... Marriage counselor indicated that, it was probably due to 'cleaning out the stuff and that she had just come back from vacation and me missing her for the week led up to her name subliminally popping back into the head.' It was said in a tender and caring and loving manner... but why??? I don't believe I can guarantee it with my history of namecalling. I love my wife now... I don't want to miff her off anymore. And this situation just adds to a list of hers that makes her feel she cannot fully give me her full love. I feel my wife has nothing to worry about because I love her sooo totally and passionately. It is almost to a point of smother because I don't like one of her guy friends whom she has been friends with since gradeschool and she likes to go out with this guy. She will go alone when I don't want to go and stays out til 230-330am.

Thanks for listening and sharing.

I would never cheat on my wife. I love her thoroughly. My past
I know exactly what you're talking about in a way. I've never been married. But after I got out of a six-month relationship, the first time I dated another person I kepy calling them my ex's name on accident. (I think the brain gets used to the name as being related to someone you 'love'). But over time I've stopped, thank god, lol.

Your ex and you were married for 24 months, so I'd suspect it'd take a little longer. Then again, I'm only 16, so my hypothesis might not be the best? That's just my suggestion. Just explain to her it's just a phase and you do really love your wife and eventually you'll stop calling her your ex's name.

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