More threads by greenstarz

Hey greenstarz,

Awesome that you have someone to back you up in person. Heck, I might even visit you at the hospital if I lived nearby, if you allowed it. I would hate to be in a hospital all by myself. You could always let her come and see you, and just see how things go. You don't have to be scared to tell her when she comes that you may need to keep the visit very short.

The other thing, greenstarz, is that you keep thinking you can only get help if you are suicidal "now" -- but you have been suicidal lots of times, and not a lot of time elapses between these thoughts. So not only are you suicidal, you are thinking about it more than once a day. If I was thinking about suicide more than once a day, wouldn't you tell me to go to the hospital?

You deserve whatever help you can get whenever you need it. You don't have to wait and wait. It's a victory if you do, because it's like you are battling yourself, and you will win when you get into that fortress of help.

If you are worried about your meds, can you find your psychiatrist's contact info and tell the people yourself at the hospital "Here is what I am on and the dosages." If you don't tell them, they won't know and will probably just medicate you because they want to help you, but don't know what you're already on. Their files may not be up to date, so maybe if they know what you are taking (do you have pill bottles and prescriptions you can bring in your purse for proof?) and have a contact who is your doctor they can keep you on the same meds. You need someone to stick up for you and make sure they don't try different medication, right, so if you don't feel strong enough to put your foot down, either get that lady to help you (if she's from your group maybe she can get the group counselor to speak on your behalf or something?)...

I think you made the right decision, but you're just bogged down under all your thoughts and spinning your wheels. I agree with Steve: you have to try to shrug off all the noise in your head to get to the important message: you need help! You don't need to hold back anymore, greenstarz. Git.


ok, i'll go to the hosptial.....tomorrow i'll go but i have to get some stuff readyto go. if i don't then i know i'll be even more uncomfortable there then i am right now. i feel a little relieved already thinking that im going to go, but i also feel nervous and scared. but i have decided to go. i can do it, i just have to force myself somehow. im going to ask that lady if she can drive me there. do you think that's too much of something to ask? i don't scared :( but i can do it. i hhope tonihgt goes ok and i don't feel like I have to injure. i wont do it, if it gets too bad i can always call the hospital. i mihgt not call them tomottow and instead just go there. i haven't decided yet. i really don't likethe phone. i just have to get some things together first. and call my brother to see if he will stay with my cats and take care of everything. i know i wont be in there long, but my cats need someone to take care of them. i feel really sad right now :( i don't know if i really want to go, but i'm going to go anyway because everyone is saying to go, in my real life and on here everyone is saying that (like steve pointed out) i just have to do it. i''m going to email that lady again now and hopefully hear back from her in the morning. i'm pretty sure she'll say yes unless she is really busy.

when you put it like that, Jolly, i would tell you to go to the hospital if you had all those suicidal thoughts all the time. Just because it isn't constnt doesn;'t mean they don't effect you. that's what id tell you. i think i will bring my meds with me like you said. lots of time you dont even get to see the psychiatrist the firsst day youre there, so maybe they would be able to still give me what i'm currently prescribed if they have the bottles. i dont know. it's worth a try. lots of times, the hospital psychiatrists want to try new meds despite what you say. they usually dont consault your outside psychiatrist. I guess I just have to try what they say and if it doesnt work out, my outside psychiatrist will have to work it out. and actually, when i had this concern before, the dr pointed out that the meds i was on were obviously not working that well otherwise i woulnt be in the hospital. i guess that maeks a little sense if you think about it.

i'm sorry if i made you guys mad or frustrated. i wish i could have not been so annoying with this and been able to make the decision right away. but i feel now like i can go in and its not too much of a struggle inside myhead. yes its still a conflict inside, but i am able to move beyond that right now. and if i email the lady i talked about before now, she will see i want to go in, so that if i say no in the morning, she will still see that i agreed to it, and help me to actually get there. i hope i make sense. sorry everytone to be the way i am :(


im going to ask that lady if she can drive me there...... do you think that's too much of something to ask?


By all means ask the lady if it is convenient for her to drive you, but on the other hand, be prepared in case the lady has another commitment and says she is unavailable. In other words, have a back up plan in mind in case the lady cannot drive you. You may have to ask someone else, use public transportation or call a taxi.

Someone's unavailability should not be seen as rejection, but rather that they may have something else to do, which is why we should always have a back up plan in mind when asking someone for a favor.

i'm sorry if i made you guys mad or frustrated

No need for any apology, because we all need support from time to time. It was very courageous of you to reach out for help when you needed it, and it has been our pleasure to have helped you through your difficult journey. Do keep us posted on your progress and feel free to continue using the Forum for support when you need it.

By expressing your concerns, you were able to hear differnt perspectives, from which you were able to make your final decision.
Yep, totally not annoyed.

You go girl! You're taking big steps!

Try keeping that perspective: if you were responsible for someone else (like your inner child) and that little girl inside wanted to end everything to stop the pain, wouldn't you comfort her and take her to the hospital to see what you could do to help her? It's hard being the nice supportive parent to yourself sometimes when you lacked that when you were growing up, but you're doing great so far.

I'm with Steve on the back-up plan. If that lady you were talking about isn't someone you know very well and she has to work or take care of someone besides herself she might want to help you but be unable to. So if you do get a taxi, just stay in the back seat (I do that all the time) and bring some headphones and plug in and tune out, or if you take the bus bring a book to read, that way you don't have to focus on anyone or anything else.

We're in your section cheering you on! Maybe that lady can even take you this evening instead of tomorrow!


ok, im going today at 4 pm. im really nervous now :( dont know if its a good idea butim going todo it. just wanted to let everyone knowwhenim leaving. im going to try to be completely honest wiht them too. maybe that will help things this time. biut its just so scary to speak works to what my thinking is.


im going to try to be completely honest wiht them too

It's the only way you can expect to receive the treatment you need. If you went into the hospital for a tummy ache, you wouldn't tell them you have a sore foot!

Our thoughts are with you for your recovery.
Oops, I was just looking at the list Daniel provided, and it says not to actually bring your medication, just a list of what they are and the dosage.
I am really glad that you made and were able to stick with your decision to go inpatient Greenstarz. :):)

By this time I think you will have already gone to the hospital, So I guess I will just have to wait until you return to say "well done you".

Steve said it for me also when he posted this.
Our thoughts are with you for your recovery.

Hi greenstarz!

Just thinking of you a few times this week... Hope you are doing okay. When you get back let us know how things went.

Even if they didn't go great, we'd just be happy to know that at least you are alive! 8)
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