Close to it

[Lonewolf]

My mood has plummeted!! I feel so down, I don't think I can get much lower! Ive been clinging on by my finger nails for a while now! Im finding it is increasingly difficult to find reasons to keep fighting with these thoughts and feelings, especially when im feeling so isolated and alone! Ive got those nasty thoughts creeping back and I don't think im strong enough to push them away everytime they hit me! And they are hitting me harder and harder!! They are there when I wake up and they are there when im awake and they are there when I go to sleep!! constantly!! There's no off switch!!

Im so sorry for being so defeatist, but im afraid that im in a very dark place with nowhere to hide from my demons and there's no one around to help me fight them off!

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: close to it!!

I posted something too that i always feel so alone so isolated when the thoughts come and the darkness is deep. I was told that there is always someone hun to reach out to
You are reaching out here now good for you ok you keep talking to us because then you know you are not alone and someone is hearing you and someone cares ok I CARE
Also in real life hun crisis lines used them and they too bring one out of the darkness some. Just hearing a real voice one of concern and understanding can help Crisis line can also give you other supports in your area that could help you ok

Hugs to you hun please know you are not alone

 

[Lonewolf]

Re: close to it!!

just so tearful lol!! Im not sure what's happening!!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

What steps are you taking besides posting here to keep yourself safe, reeper?

 

[Lonewolf]

Am trying to keep myself occupied, but I haven't really got the energy! I feel so lethargic!! Im watching films, cleaning the fish tank! I am constantly fighting myself to not react to these thoughts/feelings because I need to make sure that doing something is my last resort!! Am struggling not to be impulsive with this!! I wish I could sleep through this!! I really do!

---------- Post Merged at 03:30 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 02:32 PM ----------

I wish I could be with my best friend, ive been thinking about him so much!! I don't want to be on my own anymore!!

 

[forgetmenot]

Have you seen your doctor hun talked to a professional see what can be done for you to help decrease the thoughts I know meds have saved me in the dark times they have simply taken the sadness down some so i could cope better and therapy talking to someone helps too hun Hope you look into finding support for you ok

 

[Lonewolf]

I feel like I am a nuiscence! finding it difficult to communicate with people, I shut down and almost loose the ability to talk at all!! I don't want to get in the way! I already feel like im in the way of myself!!

 

[Retired]

I wish I could be with my best friend

If you are referring to your best friend who passed, you know that's impossible. Life is for the living, and you have your whole life ahead of you. It is doubtful that your friend would want you to stop your life because of his passing, as sad as it is to have lost him.

To understand your situation better, would you let us know the following:

Do you have a plan for for suicide?

Have you ever attempted a suicide plan in the past?

You need to do the following:

Call someone you can trust and to whom you can confide in, such as a family member, brother, sister, cousin....or a trusted friend who can provide some support during this difficult time.

If none of these are available, call your doctor, your therapist or your spiritual advisor or go to the Emergency of your local hospital for assistance. You need to get a professional involved to help regain control of your life.

Do you have the number of a local crisis hotline to call?

 

[Lonewolf]

I have attempted suicide in the past and yes, I have sort of a plan!! I would never write a note because then the people that have added to where I am now, would maybe feel something!! Something that would mean more than any note I could write!!

---------- Post Merged at 04:49 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 03:59 PM ----------

sorry, but that's how it is!!

---------- Post Merged at 05:21 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 04:49 PM ----------

I don't know who to call? I can't ring the mental health crisis line because I am not under the mental health services, I know that because I have tried recently!! Unable to talk to family as they are part of the problem!! its pretty much just me, on my own!!! No body gives a hoot really! but thanks anyway!!!

 

[Retired]

I don't know how medical services are delivered in your Country, but can you walk into the Emergency of a local hospital and simply tell them you are suicidal?

What's important now is to get someone into your life, someone to whom you can talk and who can be with you during this difficult time.

Is there someone in your family, to whom you can reach out just this once? You may not want to spend the rest of your life living with that person, but perhaps there is someone with whom you have a bit of a relationship who can help you.

Weren't you seeing a therapist recently? Can you contact that person?

Please look HERE for some information on a crisis hotline in London

In the meantime, I would ask you to keep the dialogue going here, as you are among people who will not judge you, but people, some of whom have had to deal with crises of their own, and who understand how you might feel.

May I ask what type of work or studies are you involved with?

Will you promise to keep yourself safe until we can figure out how we can help you get through this difficult time?

 

[TrustMate]

Reeper,

You did so well by deciding to share your thoughts here. You should know that even being sepatared by miles and sitting on the other side of PC screen we still care about you. Although it is often hard to understand the exact feelings of ot he person, be sure that many many people here think about your situation and want to help.
If I or anybody else here can do something specific to help you, just tell us. You are not alone! Just don't give up! Do whatever you can manage, think about something else, occupy yourself with work.

And, please, if things go really desperate, call the hotline.

Thinking about you

 

[GDPR]

No body gives a hoot really!

I do!!

 

[forgetmenot]

You can call any crisis line hun it does not have to be a mental health crisis line you can talk to befrienders on line Good Samaritans they have both helpl me A crisis line is for anyone to call ok so call it

 

[MHealthJo]

Thinking of you Reeper and please keep in touch with us with anything you want to say or express or let us know anything we can do or how we could support you.

(Reeper is on a waiting list to receive help in her area.)

We care about you and we are always here.

((hugs))

 

[Lonewolf]

Ive got myself into a bit of a mess!! Have been stashing stuff for about a week and today I have been sitting here with them, torturing myself! Ive managed not to give in so far, but its so tempting!! I know the right thing to do would be to get rid of them, but for some reason I feel safer knowing that they are here for me if/when I need them!! I know it sounds stupid!! I know I can't just hide them, cos ill know where they are anyway!! Im trying so hard to distract myself and calm down! Talk myself round so that I can survive another difficult day! if anyone's out there who can just talk to me for a little while, I would very much appreciate it, just to know that there are other people on this earth, who get where im at?? Im so sorry, I know everyone has their own troubles!! please don't think im too selfish in asking?

 

[Retired]

Reeper,

Please reread my earlier post

and, Please look HERE for some information on a crisis hotline in London for some local support.

You need to dispose of the materials you have collected to carry out your suicide plan, and get yourself to a safe place such as a local hospital.

Will you promise to keep yourself safe and to call the crisis line?

 

[Lonewolf]

I don't tend to make promises anymore! I may not keep to them!! but il try!! Im not sure that I can take myself up to the hospital just because I am feeling like this, I think that they wouldn't be able to do anything!! Unless ive done it!! however I will try to ring a helpline!! Thankyou for responding!!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

reeper, before you do anything else, get rid of the excess medication.

As a followup question, how do you collect them? Have you been skipping doses of medications you should be taking?

 

[Retired]

however I will try to ring a helpline!!

Good, that's an important first step. Helplines are staffed by people who like helping people so be honest with them so they can point you in the right direction.

We understand the pain you must be feeling. You must understand that in moments of emotional pain, our thinking becomes distorted, so any decision should be postponed until the crisis is over.

For that reason, Reeper, you must dispose of your excess medication and any other materials you have accumulated.

Lets keep the dialogue going.

 

[TrustMate]

Reeper,

If you don't have anyone close at the moment to talk to, just keep posting here. Just continue the dialog with us. You're not selfish at all, and that's what this community is for - helping each other in difficult situations. Maybe, not all of us have been where you are right now, but it doesn't mean that we don't care or cannot help. Just share with us, and it might help you at least a little bit to go through this situation.

Talk about whatever you want now. Just keep posting.