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[Lonewolf]

The fish are a kind of goldfish called 'sherbumpkins' (not sure if spelt right?) They are big too, but I got a new baby a few weeks ago! They've all got names- 'Mental' and 'Maddie' 'Sharkie', 'George' 'Sylvester' and the baby is 'Ozzie' Ha! Ha!
Out of looking after the snails or the fish, id say the fish are harder to look after cos they are in a 120 litre tank and when I have to clean the tank and change some of the water, I feel like im emptying a swimming pool!! Its a lot of work and very tiring! but very worth it!!

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These snails eat most salad stuff, especially lettuce and cucumber!! I keep the three separate from each other in small fish tanks cos the snails are 'hermafrodites' and each snail can produce 300 eggs and patential snails!! If I had my three in the same tank, I could end up with 900 snails every month!!! These snails need to be in moist substrate (pure soil) and there needs to be enough for them to burrow! The soil needs to be sprayed with water to keep it moist and the snail needs to be sprayed regularly too!! Some snails like to be held and some don't, but don't let them near sugar or salt even if you've got a little bit on your hands cos it will kill them!!! They also need some cuttle fish to munch so that their shell stays solid! Other than that they are lovely! Can be muckie at times, but not all the time!!! Oh yeah, they are nochternal too, so if you are a light sleeper, don't have them in your bedroom!!! They munch loudly! They have teeth!!!

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I have thrown some away! I know its sounds silly but I made a compromise because I still need to know I have some! Not enough to do anything serious!!! I really don't believe that the hospital would be remotely interested in the way I feel unless I actually did something!!!

 

[TrustMate]

Hey, you could become a breeder if you let them snails stay together for a day or so Just kidding!
From what you've told it seems like a good chunk of work just to take care of pets. I've got fish when I was a child, and remember that it was a big deal just to clean the tank. You've been creative with those names for your fishies (hope, that Sharkie behaves, and doesn't get too ambitious with that name)
And having snails sounds far more exotic than having a cat (like me, haha).


Compromise is a great start, Reeper!

 

[Retired]

Thank you for sharing your pictures and your experiences with your pets. I had never seen these before and find them fascinating.

It's good to hear your pets bring a little bit of pleasure into your life, even though you are facing these current difficulties. The joy they bring you can be an antidote to the pain you otherwise feel.

I have thrown some away! I know its sounds silly but I made a compromise because I still need to know I have some!

Excellent!

Consider this, Reaper....in order for changes to take place, changes to improve your situation in your life, you need to take back control of your life.

From what you have shared with us, we understand members of your family do not appear to be supportive. It may be the sad reality of your family dynamic, but allowing their behaviour dictate what you do, is surrendering your power to people who, according to your reports, don't seem to be interested in what you do.

Same thing for those medications you have put aside...you are surrendering your power to a few tablets that are controlling your focus on thoughts of suicide.

Suicide is never a solution to anything, because there are solutions to every situation.

The key is to seek out those solutions with dedication and commitment for a better life.

Focus on your reasons for living, even if those reasons for the moment, are the pets to which you devote your time and care.

Make the commitment to take back control of your life, and get rid of those medications that currently "compromise" your ability to take your focus away from suicide.

What would it take to begin making a plan to take back control of your life, Reaper and how might we help you do that?

 

[MHealthJo]

Awww, your snails and fish are SO cool Reeper!! What a fascinating bunch of squishy, slithery or scaly pals!

Haha, I'm amazed at the sound they can make with their munchy teeth! What a good little bunch of salad eaters. They have inspired me; I'm going to try to follow their example today.

Gosh that aquarium sounds like a big but satisfying job when you clean it/empty it. I think your pals are lucky to live with such a caring and loving owner (who can think up such a cool set of names for them!!
)

Thanks so much for sharing about them and the pics! Please show us more pics anytime or let us know what they've been up to.......


Wow I am so happy to hear of the group you go to as well hun. You have been doing some very positive things for yourself.

Reeper I am so proud of you doing these things and talking to us, your GP and also Samaritans, while you wait on the waiting list for further treatment.

Sorry I was not available yesterday, you did so well holding on and reaching out to sources of help and support and I'm so glad of the other folks who have been here. Well done throwing out some excess medication too.

Keep on talking. We,your doctor, and the other sources of support are always here. I believe also that if you ever got in danger, I think if you walked into a hospital, someone would at least sit with you or stay with you for a time, something like that to keep you safer.........?

Extra hugs to you.......

 

[Cat Dancer]

Thanks for sharing the snail pics. My daughter LOVES snails.

Also I'm proud of you for hanging in there and getting rid of some of the meds, but I think it's important to throw the rest of them away. That's such a loud statement to those suicide voices in your head. That's saying NO. That's what I have to do. Say NO over and over. And over and so many times over.

 

[GDPR]

I have thrown some away!

Ya know,I'm really glad you're talking here.It has me thinking about the stash(es) I have hidden away in various places throughout my house(and even ones I forgot about until reading this thread).

I like what Cat Dancer said:

That's such a loud statement to those suicide voices in your head. That's saying NO.

I think I am going to throw mine away. Maybe if I get rid of them my thoughts won't 'go there' so easily.

I hope you throw away the rest of yours.....

 

[Lonewolf]

Thanks everyone! Im afraid its the same struggle just a different day!! Sorry I don't have anything positive to say but Im still here! Mostly from taking to my bed and avoiding reality!! My reality! Need a hug, just can't let anyone near enough! Its breaking my heart to hear all of these kind words!! It really hurts! I do appreciate them, honest! its difficult for me to believe sometimes! It seems easier to cope if people are nasty!!

 

[TrustMate]

Reeper,

I know it's hard to get rid of those hard feelings in a day, two, or more. Nobody rushes you, and it's always good to take one step at a time in order to be secure and make sure you won't go down again.
I really liked the post # 43 from Steve. He's absolutely right: you have to put up all your power together in order to take control of your life. Avoiding reality won't help if you take a look at it in the long prospective, making positive changes to it and becoming the master of your own life will.

I know it might be hard to concentrate right now, but try to think a little about the way you'd want your life to be in the future, what you would want to do, and what steps you would take to achieve it. We are here to help as much as we can.

 

[Lonewolf]

I can't make plans for the future cos I don't see one for myself!! It's hard enough to face the day!! I know you guys encourage us to have an aim, a goal! I just don't have one!! I have to take it one step at a time!! I don't expect anyone to understand this!! People often ask me where I want to be i'm 2 or 3 years time, all I can say is that I may not be around in 2 or 3 years time!! Sorry, I know no one knows if they will be here next year! I know that, but most people have goal in life- I just don't't!! No reason to take up space and oxygen!! No reason at all and if I could have a say in being born or not, I wouldn't!! I really wouldn't't!! But I was given a life sentence when I was born, it's up to me to decide how long my sentence will be!!! Sorry!!

 

[TrustMate]

You don't have to plan so long as 2-3 years from now. Make a small achievement - plan just for a day or two. Take that step at a time you're talking about.

We're all different, Reeper, and as you said before, it's always easier to expect negative from people, in order not to get attached and stay in our own bubble, not changing anything.
All the things that we are saying to you here aimed not to pressurize you. Those words are said because there are those who care and don't want to leave you alone in this situation.

 

[Lonewolf]

mg::facepalm:

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sorry!! I've been asleep for a few days, unfortunately woke up!! Thankyou for being there!!

 

[forgetmenot]

Glad you got some much needed sleep and hope that you can now continue to reach out ok hugs

 

[Lonewolf]

I don't think I have anything left to make me sleep, lol!! I really don't want to be awake!!! thanks for the very appreciated hugs!! x

 

[forgetmenot]

reeper please go to hospital call crisis line now ok please i don't want you to suffer anymore hun If you took to many pills there will be damage hun so call crisis line or get yourself to hospital please promise me ok

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You there hun please know that you are someone and that they will help you not be so sad ok just call crisis line or the hospital you are someone hun ok please don't give up yet

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Reeper, forgetmenot is right.

You need to take steps to keep yourself safe, whatever that involves.

Call a crisis line. Call the Samaritans. Call emergency services. Anything to keep yourself safe.

Suicide Resources

1-800-SUICIDE* US and Canada

1-800-273-TALK US and Canada

1-800-799-4TTY (4889) Deaf Hotline US and Canada

Australia and 17 other countries Lifeline International: 13 11 14

United Kingdom Samaritans: 08457 90 90 90

Republic of Ireland Samaritans: 1850 60 90 90

Befrienders International Support

Befrienders

Befrienders listen to people who are lonely, despairing or considering suicide. They don’t judge them, don’t tell them what to do. They listen. That may not sound much - but it can make the difference between life and death.

People who feel suicidal are often so focused on a particular problem or pain that they find it difficult to see a way forward. Talking openly to a befriender, in a safe and confidential environment, can help.

By listening to a suicidal person, a befriender helps them to listen to themselves.

Befrienders Worldwide
​

Thinking About Suicide? How To Keep Yourself Safe

What can you do if you are feeling suicidal?
The beginning of the way out is to let someone else in. This is very hard to do because, if you feel so desperate that suicide seems to be the only solution, you are likely very frightened and ashamed. There is no reason to be ashamed of feeling suicidal and no reason to feel ashamed for seeking help. You are not alone; many people have felt suicidal when facing difficult times and have survived, usually returning to quite normal lives.

Take the risk of telling your feelings to someone you know and trust: a relative, friend, social service worker, or a member of the clergy for your religion. There are many ways to cope and get support. The sense of desperation and the wish to die will not go away at once, but it will pass. Regaining your will to live is more important than anything else at the moment.

Some things that you can do are:

• call a crisis telephone support line,
• draw on the support of family and friends,
• talk to your family doctor; he/she can refer you to services in the community, including counselling and hospital services,
• set up frequent appointments with a mental health professional, and request telephone support between appointments, ? get involved in self-help groups,
• talk every day to at least one person you trust about how you are feeling,
• think about seeking help from the emergency department of a local hospital,
• talk to someone who has 'been there" about what it was like and how he/she coped,
• avoid making major decisions which you may later regret.

 

[forgetmenot]

Reeper i can say honestly i have talked with Samaritans and Befrienders and they help ok they do Also called a crisis line a few times someone there got me grounded and help me hold on Family members get them to take you to doctors Do what ever it takes ok to not harm yourself again
Please Use some of the options above that doctor Baxter has given you I care about you ok please stay safe no more giving up
i do understand the sadness i do but like i said lets not pass on the the sadness ok let us get help to finally get rid of it

 

[MHealthJo]

I care about you too Reeper and I hope you will keep yourself safe....

We can't make the best decisions when we are so very upset and hurting....

Hugs to you Reeper, let someone help to keep you safe, until you are in a place where you can know the options you truly have in life.......

 

[Lonewolf]

Im so stupid, I still can't do it right! Im still here!!! I took myself off to the group tonight and I totally lost it with a member of staff, she actually told me I frightened her because of the way I was behaving and I really didn't mean to scare her! I would never get nasty with anyone! I wouldn't!! I've just made things 100% worse (if that is possible!) I just couldn't hold on to these intense feelings anymore and I really wish I could have controlled myself better! Im so angry, im no good at anger! I can suppress it a bit when im out! (until tonight) Now im worried about tonight on top of everything else!!! why does it never end?

 

[forgetmenot]

I am sure the staff member has encountered this before so i hope staff is able to help you manage these intense bottle up feelings You apologise for frightening her and ask her to help you cope in a better way help you to control your outburst ok
No use worrying ok just do something so next time in the same situation you won't do the same thing hugs

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Im so stupid, I still can't do it right! Im still here!!!

Good! There's a reason you were put on this earth. Try to find that reason instead of trying to avoid it.