Confused

[EccentricGeek]

above all, let me give you a littele insights about me:

unlike any other, i never had a normal childhood. my parents got separated when i was 6, my father was alcoholic and never treated me as his daughter (like normal father do) its for simple reason that i have features that was my mother's. from that moment my realization was i will get into different environment.

i live a very hard life to the fact that i never enjoy my childhood since i worked early (child labor) to make both ends meet. i remember i was full of hope then and willing to get out of the situation. i got married at 21 and years passed i got my annulment and the child's custody.

here's my dillema:
people around me think am normal since they tend to see what is present. i have no problem in socializing, but once i'm alone, i feel this certain emptiness. sometimes i feel a lot tired of life. why is it have to be like this that sometimes i feel i've already achieved the goals that i need and now i've loss interest in life? i really want to bring back the feeling of having a goal.
what should i do? a lot of times, i woke in the middle of the night to feel restless. it seems that i have two faces: the one that i wear when am with the society and the one that is really me: wasted, burned out, lifeless.....

 

[Into The Light]

Re: confused

first of all, welcome to the forum EG.

i can't tell based on your post but maybe you're suffering from depression? do you always feel the way you describe? or just sometimes?

if you feel like this a lot, or most of the time, maybe you could see your doctor about this or see a certified therapist.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It sounds more like loneliness to me. Do you have someone in your life now, someone to share your life with, your hopes, dreams, successes, failures?

 

[Cat Dancer]

I just wanted to say welcome and I'm sorry there was so much pain in your childhood.

 

[ThatLady]

Welcome to PsychLinks, EG! :welcome:

It does sound to me as though you might just be lonely. I'm wondering if you've thought about, perhaps, taking a course at a nearby college, or joining a club or group that shares an interest in something you enjoy. If you can find a way to get out and meet people, you might find this sense of emptiness will begin to disappear. Volunteer work is another wonderful way to decrease feelings of lonliness.

Good luck to you, EG. I think, with a little effort, you can find something that will bring back your enjoyment of life. I hope you'll stick around here and keep us updated on how you're doing.

 

[EccentricGeek]

thanks for the warm welcome, i really appreciate that. right now am currently enrolled in another program for self-advancement (actually i'm into IT but wants to shift to teaching special cases).

i never had a problem socializing, but when it comes to being alone again, i'd feel these dillemas. Am beginning to ask myself if there is something wrong with me.

it looks like am a bulb that has on/off (switch). am doing great in public, giving solicited advice to my friends in need, but when am alone its a different story.

the funny thing is, everytime there's a friend or somebody that needs to go, i feel a lot lonely, i feel i have to have someone for me to cling on, seems am afraid to be alone