“Most people overestimate others' talents and underestimate their own.”
~ Orrin Woodward
~ Orrin Woodward
- Thread starter Daniel E.
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When you don’t know what to do, make tea
The idea that something might be missing from my life first struck me while reading Conversations with Friends, by the Irish writer Sally Rooney. In Rooney’s novels, people prepare tea when they are sick, when they are nervous, and when they are bored. They brew pots before watching Netflix, in the midst of writing flirtatious emails, and while pondering illicit affairs. Eventually the reader must conclude in the Rooney universe, all characters are in the midst of either making or drinking tea at all times, unless otherwise specified...
Social worker Melody Wilding has written that whenever we're feeling overwhelmed or frustrated, we should always stop to ask ourselves if we're hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Any of those feelings are likely to fuel poor judgment, which means that it's time to stop what we're doing, take a break, and either eat a sandwich or do some journaling or call a friend or take a nap.
These are all excellent ideas. Based on my experience in England, I would add that whenever we're feeling anything at all, we should probably make some tea and offer it to whoever is in the vicinity. A good cup, as George Orwell suggests, can make you feel wiser, braver, and more optimistic. And at the very least, if making tea is your default thing, then whatever is happening, no matter how scary, you will always, like the characters in Rooney's novels, have something to do.
The idea that something might be missing from my life first struck me while reading Conversations with Friends, by the Irish writer Sally Rooney. In Rooney’s novels, people prepare tea when they are sick, when they are nervous, and when they are bored. They brew pots before watching Netflix, in the midst of writing flirtatious emails, and while pondering illicit affairs. Eventually the reader must conclude in the Rooney universe, all characters are in the midst of either making or drinking tea at all times, unless otherwise specified...
Social worker Melody Wilding has written that whenever we're feeling overwhelmed or frustrated, we should always stop to ask ourselves if we're hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Any of those feelings are likely to fuel poor judgment, which means that it's time to stop what we're doing, take a break, and either eat a sandwich or do some journaling or call a friend or take a nap.
These are all excellent ideas. Based on my experience in England, I would add that whenever we're feeling anything at all, we should probably make some tea and offer it to whoever is in the vicinity. A good cup, as George Orwell suggests, can make you feel wiser, braver, and more optimistic. And at the very least, if making tea is your default thing, then whatever is happening, no matter how scary, you will always, like the characters in Rooney's novels, have something to do.
“Suppose you’re called on to navigate some particularly difficult life dilemma, your own, or that of a close confidant. You yearn to talk matters over with your mentor, spouse, or best friend. Yet, for whatever reason, you can’t get a hold of these valued others—perhaps they’re traveling, busy, or even deceased. Research shows that simply imagining having a conversation with them is as good as actually talking with them. So consult them in your mind. Ask them what advice they’d offer. In this way, a cherished parent or mentor, even if deceased, leaves you with an inner voice that guides you through challenging times. Your past moments of love and connection make you lastingly wiser.”
― Barbara L. Fredrickson, Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become
― Barbara L. Fredrickson, Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become
What Works for Me May Not Work for You
When it comes to fitness goals, if you find a type of movement that feels both good and right to you, it's much more likely to become a habit.
When it comes to fitness goals, if you find a type of movement that feels both good and right to you, it's much more likely to become a habit.
How Emotional Problems Arise: 7 Maladaptive Coping Behaviors
Rumination tries to prepare you for every bad thing that might happen. In the form of good-bad evaluations, it tries to perfect a flawed self and a flawed world. But these efforts never work. Ultimately, rumination keeps you focused on what's bothering you, so its net effect is that you feel more anxious, more angry, or a greater sense of loss and disappointment.
Rumination tries to prepare you for every bad thing that might happen. In the form of good-bad evaluations, it tries to perfect a flawed self and a flawed world. But these efforts never work. Ultimately, rumination keeps you focused on what's bothering you, so its net effect is that you feel more anxious, more angry, or a greater sense of loss and disappointment.
Living with Difficult Feelings | NewHarbinger.com
By Robert Leahy, PhD
Srategies for coping with the complexities of real life--not an ideal life:
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from Don't Believe Everything You Feel:
By Robert Leahy, PhD
Srategies for coping with the complexities of real life--not an ideal life:
- Emotional Realism: Life will entail a full range of emotions--painful and pleasurable. It comes with the territory.
- Inevitable Disappointments: You will be disappointed and disappoint others. Friends and partners don't always live up to our expectations, but we can still connect and grow together.
- Constructive Discomfort: Making progress will involve doing things that are uncomfortable. If you think you should not be uncomfortable, then you won't make progress. Discomfort is temporary and helps build resilience.
- Do What You Don't Want to Do: We can only make progress if we build self-control and self-discipline. This means doing what you do not want to do to get what you really want to get. Doing the hard things makes life easier in the long run.
- Successful Imperfection: You will make progress--not perfection--if you continue to move in the right direction, imperfectly. Embracing imperfection as a means to an end will help you achieve your goals.
- Flexible Satisfaction: Our expectations get in the way of living in the real world. Adjusting our expectations so that we can find satisfaction and contentment is a better strategy than protesting or giving in to despair.
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from Don't Believe Everything You Feel:
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Time management 
Write down two or three encouraging statements. What are you working on? Why are you working on it? What will you gain if you can improve on this skill? Answer those questions and refer to the answers daily.
Source:
The Smart but Scattered Guide to Success (2016)
Write down two or three encouraging statements. What are you working on? Why are you working on it? What will you gain if you can improve on this skill? Answer those questions and refer to the answers daily.
Source:
The Smart but Scattered Guide to Success (2016)
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You Are Not Your Brain
When someone mentions the word habit, most people think of repetitive physical actions. While those certainly are habits, we consider a larger range of responses to be habits as well. For example, if you constantly avoid a situation, person, or location because of how uncomfortable it makes you feel, you also acting in a habitual way. The same goes for engaging in repetitive thoughts caused by deceptive brain messages that do not lead to a solution or any forward progress.
When someone mentions the word habit, most people think of repetitive physical actions. While those certainly are habits, we consider a larger range of responses to be habits as well. For example, if you constantly avoid a situation, person, or location because of how uncomfortable it makes you feel, you also acting in a habitual way. The same goes for engaging in repetitive thoughts caused by deceptive brain messages that do not lead to a solution or any forward progress.
Feeling Great: The Revolutionary New Treatment for Depression and Anxiety
Our negative moods do not result from what’s wrong with us, but rather -- what’s right with us.
Our negative moods do not result from what’s wrong with us, but rather -- what’s right with us.
7 Ways to Build Resilience in Challenging Times
- One of the key strategies suggested by professionals includes having/evolving meaning and purpose in life or, put more aptly, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”
- Second, cognitive, emotional, and behavioural flexibility can be helpful in incrementing the level of resilience. To put it more succinctly, flexibility is the ability to adjust your expectations and the way you respond.
- Third, practicing mindfulness or meditation can go a long way to boost your resilience.
- Fourth, following resilient role models who do not tell you, but show you, can potentially aid you in building resilience.
- Fifth, leaning on your support systems when you need it is crucial in building your resilience.
- Sixth, while it is hard to be positive in adverse and tough times, an optimistic outlook encourages you to expect that good things will happen to you, and thus, increments your resilience.
- Seventh and last, staying true to your belief system can actually be great for your health. Practicing religious or spiritual activities bring comfort and can exponentially enhance your resilience.
Life Isn't Good or Bad; It Just Is
By Bob Miglani
...Sometimes I put way too much emphasis on trying to figure out what is right and wrong.
What is the right path and what is the wrong path. What is good with the world and what is bad. What I like and what I don't like. What someone thinks and what they don't think.
With so much unpredictability in life and chaos at work these days in our uncertain world, what I have learned is that it really doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter if we label life as "good" or "bad." It just is. It is the way it's supposed to be.
All the overanalysis, overthinking, overplanning, overlabeling--all of that doesn't accomplish anything. Putting a label on something doesn't help me feel better!
In fact the opposite happens: You freeze and get stuck overthinking, trying to compartmentalize everything. You get overwhelmed by the chaos of life.
So much of our stress and anxiety come from our attempts to attach a "good" or a "bad" to the challenges we encounter in life. We believe things ought to be a certain way. We feel things in life should be generally "good."
And when they aren't, we feel really hurt. We feel disappointed. We feel burned. And we stop moving forward. We stop experiencing the full array of choices life has to offer during our journey.
Our reluctance to accept the fluid nature of life is at the center of so much of our paralysis.
I believe that, in order to deal with uncertainty and the chaotic up-and-down nature of life, we have to accept that life just is and embrace the chaos that we inevitably encounter.
Life is just the way it is supposed to be: unpredictable, good, bad, ugly, and great, all rolled up into one incredibly short experience...
By Bob Miglani
...Sometimes I put way too much emphasis on trying to figure out what is right and wrong.
What is the right path and what is the wrong path. What is good with the world and what is bad. What I like and what I don't like. What someone thinks and what they don't think.
With so much unpredictability in life and chaos at work these days in our uncertain world, what I have learned is that it really doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter if we label life as "good" or "bad." It just is. It is the way it's supposed to be.
All the overanalysis, overthinking, overplanning, overlabeling--all of that doesn't accomplish anything. Putting a label on something doesn't help me feel better!
In fact the opposite happens: You freeze and get stuck overthinking, trying to compartmentalize everything. You get overwhelmed by the chaos of life.
So much of our stress and anxiety come from our attempts to attach a "good" or a "bad" to the challenges we encounter in life. We believe things ought to be a certain way. We feel things in life should be generally "good."
And when they aren't, we feel really hurt. We feel disappointed. We feel burned. And we stop moving forward. We stop experiencing the full array of choices life has to offer during our journey.
Our reluctance to accept the fluid nature of life is at the center of so much of our paralysis.
I believe that, in order to deal with uncertainty and the chaotic up-and-down nature of life, we have to accept that life just is and embrace the chaos that we inevitably encounter.
Life is just the way it is supposed to be: unpredictable, good, bad, ugly, and great, all rolled up into one incredibly short experience...
Link to register for free event/webinar: https://pesi.zoom.us/webinar/register/4515990664545/WN_k0UoS70TSHCPRG5aoqcc7Q%20
From David Burns' e-mail newsletter today:
"I'd like to invite you to a virtual event next Tuesday, Sept 15th, at 4 PM (West Coast Time) at Book Passage, a famous San Francisco bookstore, to celebrate the official release of Feeling Great! Rhonda, my podcast hostess, will ask me a few questions, and then we'll open it up for general Q and A.
Feeling Great emerged from 40 years of research on how psychotherapy actually works, and more than 40,000 therapy sessions with individuals struggling with depression and anxiety. The book includes upgrades for all of the cognitive therapy techniques in my first book, Feeling Good, as well as powerful new techniques that open the door to ultra-rapid recovery."
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