Crying

[Cat Dancer]

Instead of hurting myself I am crying tonight. But it feels the same, like punishment. Like it's wrong to do. Like I'll regret it later. Like it's bad, but I can't stop. I can't scream and talk so I'm crying, but not hurting myself. Crying doesn't leave scars. I wish it could be a healing thing, but the lump in my throat is not going away. It just hurts so much. I don't know what's wrong with me. How to get the pain out?

 

[Mari]

H! Can I cry with you? I know it is not true but it just seems so unfair sometimes - that some people suffer while others just seem to breeze through life. Seventeen is a long time ago for me but when I hear the song 'At Seventeen' by Janis Ian it seems just like yesterday. I tried to make things better for my children but my middle son suffered - how cruel people can be sometimes. I just feel like writing - trying to stop the tears - I just want to smash everything. I wish psychopathic predators came with signs or labels so a person could recognize them instantly before they cause them harm. They can be so charming just want to get the mad out. Mari

 

[ThatLady]

Crying isn't bad. In fact, crying helps us to heal. It allows us to let out our pain and frustration in a way that damages nobody. Sometimes, we have to do an awful lot of crying to take that pain away, but it does go away, eventually. In the meantime, a good cry - even a loooong good cry - is never a bad thing. :hug:

 

[Into The Light]

crying hurts and it's hard when it doesn't seem to stop, but it's definitely much better than harming yourself. it's actually healthy to cry and not to hold it all in. it may not feel like it's helping but with every tear that you cry you are releasing a tear's worth of hurt. :hug:

 

[Cat Dancer]

Mari, I'm so sorry for what you've gone through. :hug: Of course you can cry with me.

It's ok to cry. It's ok to cry. I am telling myself that over and over and I'll believe it one day. I believe it does help get the hurt out because today I feel better than I did yesterday.

Thanks for listening to me and being with me.

 

[Halo]

I am glad you are feeling better today than yesterday, Janet :heart::heart:

 

[Cat Dancer]

Thanks, Nancy.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I rarely "make plans" for self injury, but I wonder if making plans to do it serves some different purpose than doing it impulsively. Or maybe it's all just punishment? I don't know. Maybe it doesn't matter. I am so confused about this behavior.

 

[ThatLady]

I'm not sure, Janet, whether making these plans might be a way of sorta mentally verbalizing them instead of carrying them out. The thing is, if you can fight the urge from moment to moment, you can beat it. Just remember - crying is a good thing, and it will let the pain out over time. :hug: