braveheart
Member
I have had about as much as I can take of my Complex PTSD. I am drained from constantly being under attack from my internal protector-persecutor. That Other me is .. awful. Abusive. Rejecting. Nasty.
The sole result of years of emotional abuse and being victimised.
Its like some cruel joke.
I said something to hurt someone who matters a lot to me, yesterday. But I really was, deep down, trying to express how much I am hurting. I hope she understands.
I feel at the end of my ability to cope.
It just seems to get worse.
There is no comfort, anymore. No soothing.
Just despair.
I'm scratching my arm again. I don't care really. I am exhausted, physically and emotionally.
Yet I have to be stronger than this Other me.
But I don't know if I can.
How can I be stronger than 10+ years of daily emotional assualt? How can I be stronger than all those years of ridicule, humiliation, rejection, neglect and torment? I don't know.
I feel worthless and desperately ashamed.
If I knew of a painless way out...
Yet something stops me. Maybe I do still have some hope.
If only I could express how much I am hurting.
That is why I feel I need some physical sign. Some small scar. Something.
The sole result of years of emotional abuse and being victimised.
Its like some cruel joke.
I said something to hurt someone who matters a lot to me, yesterday. But I really was, deep down, trying to express how much I am hurting. I hope she understands.
I feel at the end of my ability to cope.
It just seems to get worse.
There is no comfort, anymore. No soothing.
Just despair.
I'm scratching my arm again. I don't care really. I am exhausted, physically and emotionally.
Yet I have to be stronger than this Other me.
But I don't know if I can.
How can I be stronger than 10+ years of daily emotional assualt? How can I be stronger than all those years of ridicule, humiliation, rejection, neglect and torment? I don't know.
I feel worthless and desperately ashamed.
If I knew of a painless way out...
Yet something stops me. Maybe I do still have some hope.
If only I could express how much I am hurting.
That is why I feel I need some physical sign. Some small scar. Something.