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Can anyone tell me how your victim in domestic abuse and ask for a restraining order and you get told by the judge to get a pscy eval?? Anyone know what to do?? How can this stuff keep happening?

thanks Lovely

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
There are of course two sides to every issue. For most of recorded history, a man could assault his wife with impunity. In the 60s to 80s, that gradually began to change. Women were encouraged to report domestic violence and moreover once a complaint was made and the charge laid they were no longer permitted to drop the charges -- the police and prosecution were required to proceed to a hearing in court.

As with all pendulums, that particular one swung too far -- to the point where once a man was accused, evidence or no, of domestic violence, he was assumed to be guilty. There were then a number of documented false accusations -- a wife or girlfriend becomes angry with her husband and sends him to jail to cool off.

Because of such abuses, the police and courts are now being a bit more cautious and are now more often investigating both sides of complaints without prejudice or presumption. One reason for this is increasing evidence that men are also frequent victims of domestic assault by women, something that wasn't considered credible even 10 years ago in most courts.

I don't know the circumstances of your case, of course, but it isn't unresonable in some cases for the judge to request psychological / psychiatric evaluations of BOTH parties. Or, in the case where an individual has made unfounded claims previously or has some othre history of what might be considered "instability" (fairly or unfairly), the court may request such an assessment for only one party.

Whatever the reason, a valid psychological assessment will frequently, perhaps usually, reveal evidence which is consistent with domestic violence in a genuine victim.


I was in an abusive marriage. It didn't take me much to get a restraining order against my ex-husband. I was physically, mentally, verbally, and emotionally abused. Once I got the restraining order, I called the cops every time he called me, wrote me letters, left notes on my car, or whatever else he would come up with. He was put in prison for six months. He still blames everything on me. I also got a restraining order against his brother, who threatened me numerous times. Sometimes the system doesn't work. A protection order is just a piece of paper. There were times when I did call the cops, and it took awhile for them to get to the house. One time my ex disappeared and they couldn't find him for nine months. He had lived in Montana and Colorado. Now he is remarried with a new son and he lives in Colorado. I am glad he is there. I have nothing to do with him, nor do my children. He has no rights to them. Right now he is behind $25,000 in child support. I don't expect to see any of that.

After we were divorced, the divorce papers suggested an evaluation. I was amazed at the things I didn't know about him. He was abused as a child. When he was growing up, he used a lot of drugs and alcohol. His father was an alcoholic. He was diagnosed with all kinds of disorders. He didn't think he needed help. He bought self-help books. When he left North Dakota, he left overnight with just his clothes. He was having an affair with a married woman and got caught by the husband. When the gal cleaned his apartment, she is the one who told me about all the self-help books and pornography he had left behind. When I first me him, he had a broken back, so I moved in and paid the bills, and he gave me a place to live. He seemed like the nicest guy. Boy, was I wrong. I lived with the abuse for a few years, because I was scared to leave. I didn't want to be alone. But after he started abusing the children, I had to get out.

Using a protection order was the best thing I could have done. The system did work for me because I pursued it and I didn't give up.
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