Domestic Violence

[tilasmommy]

Domestic violence

Hi, I am new to this so I don't know the appropriate way to start a thread, but I would like to know if anyone who is a DV survivor has ever become a borderline ? abuser? for lack of the correct phrasing?

 

[ThatLady]

Re: Domestic violence

Hi, I am new to this so I don't know the appropriate way to start a thread, but I would like to know if anyone who is a DV survivor has ever become a borderline ? abuser? for lack of the correct phrasing?

Being a victim of domestic violence can lead to mental illness, personality disturbances, and/or the tendency to abuse. However, it's not necessarily the case in all situations. I do think that anyone who has been a victim should endeavor to obtain therapy to deal with the issues that are known to arise due to the abuse. If therapy is undertaken early enough, many problems can be avoided.

 

[tilasmommy]

Hi, thanks for replying to me.I guess what I need is to know if I am actually abusive or if I am reacting like I used to. I remember pushing buttons to get my ex to just get it over with and it feels like I don't know any other way to be in a relationship. I haven't allowed any one in until recently and now I think I am waiting for the axe to fall

 

[ThatLady]

You probably developed some counterproductive coping mechanisms while dealing with abuse, mommy. Therapy could really help you to come to terms with the you of today and put the you of yesterday to rest. You can learn new ways to cope with difficult situations, and can develop the ability to trust that the past does not necessarily have to repeat itself. :hug:

 

[Lucky]

I can totally relate to the question that you have asked. I know in this last year I have seen a lot of rage build up inside of me.. where I have ended up throwing things around the house ( but usually when my partner was not there). I'm not even a big drinker.. in fact I hate the taste of alcohol but have deliberately made myself get drunk (at home in private) just so that I would feel numb and block the pain. When you're treated this way, its such a shock and its so degrading and you just don't understand what your partner is punishing you for.

When we have engaged in arguments and I could see him get angry, rather than back down I think I'd carry on arguing too. I think this is because you live in suspense around men like this.. and you never quite know what going to push him over the edge and when the next time will be.. so by doing this , you know this will happen and you'd rather have that certainty and get it over and done with.

This is what made me realize that this was a very 'destructive' kind of love. It brought out the worst in me.