I am so tired of fighting all these bad feelings and thoughts... I have no fight left.
I am SO tired.
Nothing helps anymore...
Ive been to so many doctors, so many psychiatrists, Ive been on so many medications, so many therapies for so many years.... I just dont want it anymore.
My life is just so messed up. Everything I do I mess up. Every effort I make just makes things worse. Now I have dragged my wife and child into my garbage life.
It was such a mistake getting married !! Such a mistake having a child ! Oh my god ! How could I help bring a child into my life !! I am such a rotten horrible person. He should not be near me ! He should be so far away from me... not see me. He deserves so much better. I cannot be a father for him... I am too messed up in the head.
It does not matter that I am smart... I am so messed up !!!
I want to run away from here... I dont belong here... but I have no place else to go ! I dont belong anywhere !! I want to disappear. I just dont want to think or feel anymore.
I cant contribute... I cant keep a f'ing job ! My messed up head makes short work of that ! I cant even keep my school studies up... and even if I did finish... I would not end up in a job... or I will mess that up too. I am so worthless... I dont deserve to be alive.
I wish God could just give my life to somebody else who wants one... so many people fight for a life and here I am... one who does not want one and I cant end it.
I cant take it anymore. I dont want it anymore.
I dont care about anything anymore. I am so tired.
Doctors and hospitals and medication and therapy... it just does not help me... I am trapped in my mind... my lost... damaged... cancerous mind. Its a prison. I cannot escape. Nothing has ever helped.
I am SO tired.
Nothing helps anymore...
Ive been to so many doctors, so many psychiatrists, Ive been on so many medications, so many therapies for so many years.... I just dont want it anymore.
My life is just so messed up. Everything I do I mess up. Every effort I make just makes things worse. Now I have dragged my wife and child into my garbage life.
It was such a mistake getting married !! Such a mistake having a child ! Oh my god ! How could I help bring a child into my life !! I am such a rotten horrible person. He should not be near me ! He should be so far away from me... not see me. He deserves so much better. I cannot be a father for him... I am too messed up in the head.
It does not matter that I am smart... I am so messed up !!!
I want to run away from here... I dont belong here... but I have no place else to go ! I dont belong anywhere !! I want to disappear. I just dont want to think or feel anymore.
I cant contribute... I cant keep a f'ing job ! My messed up head makes short work of that ! I cant even keep my school studies up... and even if I did finish... I would not end up in a job... or I will mess that up too. I am so worthless... I dont deserve to be alive.
I wish God could just give my life to somebody else who wants one... so many people fight for a life and here I am... one who does not want one and I cant end it.
I cant take it anymore. I dont want it anymore.
I dont care about anything anymore. I am so tired.
Doctors and hospitals and medication and therapy... it just does not help me... I am trapped in my mind... my lost... damaged... cancerous mind. Its a prison. I cannot escape. Nothing has ever helped.