I just dont know what to do

[Steven_v]

nope never been there, just feel i need to go there. and i was gona travel from there to where ever the wind took me

 

[Peanut]

Ahh, so your the adventurous type, huh? That's supposed to be a very spritual place to go, isn't it?

Have you told your family and friends about this, and if so, did they have any good advice for you or offer support?

Well so far I'm totally digging the travel idea. If you don't want to leave everyone behind maybe you could just take a trip there at first and see what you think? Maybe you could drag one of your friends along too.

I can see the appeal of traveling...I think it helps to get away from the situation and clear your head and your thinking (not just yours but everyones'). That's one excellent idea you've came up with--is it feasible for you to take a trip somewhere if you decided that's what you wanted to do?

 

[Steven_v]

maybe one day soon, right now iam sure you can guess all that i can think of

 

[Peanut]

Well not really because I just saw you thinking about something else for a minute so I know you can It was really nice to see Steven the person, not Steven the obsessed. Will you bring Steven the person back so I can talk to him? He seemed like a cool guy

 

[Steven_v]

i try to get over her i try to think about other things it was working kinda yesterday, then just as iam thinking of something else i'll catch a glimpse at her picture that i still have on a shelf in my room (i cant bring myself to put it away). and my heart will break memories of us together come flodding back and i remember how much i love her, and how much i want what we had back.

 

[ThatLady]

Putting the picture away would be an excellent start on the road to healing, steven. If you know the picture brings back painful memories, put it away. That will be the first step into the future, hon.

 

[Peanut]

i try to get over her i try to think about other things it was working kinda yesterday,

I am sincerely happy to hear that Steven! That sounds like real progress. Try to hold on to that thought...it was kinda working. The more you practice thinking about other things, the better you will get at it, just like anything else.

then just as iam thinking of something else i'll catch a glimpse at her picture that i still have on a shelf in my room (i cant bring myself to put it away). and my heart will break memories of us together come flodding back and i remember how much i love her, and how much i want what we had back

That kind of thing is very hard, but to be expected. You are grieving for your relationship. It takes time. It was better yesterday and hopefully you can keep on the right track...and if you keep making an effort it will get better.

It's OK to be sad though--just don't commit yourself to that state forever! Be sad, but also look to the future! There are so many opportunities and experiences out there. Also, be careful not to be so blinded by one person's beauty that you lose track of all the other beauty in the world.

 

[Lana]

Hi Steven;
I bet things are a bit tough for you right now and it may seem that the hurt won?t ever go away. I can tell you that it will get easier, and it will go away, and that in some years, you?ll look back on this day and think, ?Wow, it felt like the end of the world?but it wasn?t? I know this because once, I too felt a similar kind of hurt. But it passed.

What you?re experiencing right now is grief. And it is that grief that distorts view and thoughts. It is perfectly ok to take your time and grieve the loss, but don?t make any decisions?not yet. Give yourself time to adjust and come to terms.

We all go through relationships during our lifetime. Each one special and each one serving a different purpose. They?re like waves of the ocean: they come and go, shaping us as if we?re made of sand. And maybe your girlfriend was that wave (the bigger one), but be rest assured, there will be another.

One thing I used to do when getting over a break up was writing. I would write good thoughts, sad thoughts, angry thoughts, whatever came to mind. A while ago my husband and I were doing some spring cleaning and I found my diary, one I filled out when I was 16. It was a wonderful feeling to read all that, to get to know myself all over again, and do so with care and compassion of a woman, not hurt and disappointment of a 16 year old girl that wrote it.

Anyways, hang in there. Things will get better.

 

[Steven_v]

i think it would be easier if i knew for sure it was over, but ive still got to meet her to give her stuff back and she also said she wants to meet up in 2 weeks to see if her feelings are anydifferent

 

[Lana]

I agree with you, it would be easier to know where things stand. But, it doesn't mean you have to stand still. Taking charge of yourself and your life is a challenging but rewarding step in the right direction. That means not letting others control your life and your feelings, which will help you with this:

... its just i cant stand anyone thinking bad of me

I think one of the most important goals is to like yourself enough not to be bothered by what others think. When you feel that way, you will find that relationships, while very rewarding, will not break you if they end. In addition, you won't have to be stuck in an emotional limbo like you are now.

 

[ThatLady]

We can NEVER control what others think. That's a really important thing to learn, steven. The only thing we can control is what WE think and do. We must think well of ourselves, and try to work toward becoming the best people WE can be...for ourselves. The thoughts of others will always remain THEIR thoughts and beyond our efforts to control.

 

[Steven_v]

i dont know what on earth iam doing, and havent got a clue what she's doing.
we meet up yesterday and ended up spending the night round hers, but she still says she's not sure about wether we could ever be together. plus iam a bit unsure now, oh and 3 days ago when we split up there was my last condom in her draw and it wasnt there last night she said she accidently threw it away. but if thats not true than she got over me pretty damn quickly

 

[Peanut]

we meet up yesterday and ended up spending the night round hers

I'm not quite sure what you mean here. Do you mean you spent the night with her?

3 days ago when we split up there was my last condom in her draw and it wasnt there last night

So what is going on now Steven? It sounds like you might be snooping through her drawers and speculating. Do you really want to go down that road?

i dont know what on earth iam doing

I really think that this should be your priority. Figure out what you're doing independently of whatever she decides to do.

she still says she's not sure about wether we could ever be together.plus iam a bit unsure now

I'm glad that you are thinking about yourself a little here. This is your choice too...you don't have to get sucked back into this mess or these games. You can still be available for dating and things like that, but you don't need to pander to her every want. If I were you, and she wanted to come get her stuff on Tuesday, I would tell her "Tuesday is actually not good for me, how about Wednesday?". Take back some control in this situation. She shouldn't get to have it all.

 

[Steven_v]

yes i mean i spent the night with her.
no i wasnt snoping, i asked her if she still had the condom in the draw she said yes i looked and it wasnt there. she said oh i must have chucked it a way.
i really dont know what going on iam really just following my heart rather than my head.

 

[Peanut]

I'm sorry I think I misunderstood your last post. This situation is starting to sound very familiar again! It does sound like she's still interested and you still have a chance if you guys are still sleeping together. Perhaps just sticking to the plan of trying to play it cool and giving her time to figure things out could potentially still work.

iam really just following my heart rather than my head.

I do that all the time

 

[Steven_v]

iam just so confused as to whats going on, and i dont want to push her to explain cause that really p's her off. plus she keeps saying i dont wanna get your hopes up.

i just sent her a text good night now, she replied with a blank text. so i text "you do realise you just sent me a blank text" she sent one back saying "sorry". so i text her saying "what were you ment to send me". she didnt text back so i just sent another saying "it dont matter aslong as its nothing bad.lol. anyways night night". but she still hasnt text back and ive got a really strong erge to text her asking why but i know thats stupid, i just hate it when people dont text back.

 

[Peanut]

i dont want to push her to explain cause that really p's her off.

That is a really good instinct Steven--remember it, because you're right, it will make her mad, and that is not what you want to do right now.

I'm not really sure what to say about the texting :blank: It sounds overwhelming.

I think it would be really good if you could find a way to relax a little bit and decompress. Situations like these are very stressful, and it really helps to have some techniques or activities to reduce stress so you can function better. Maybe you could try to think of something relaxing to do to help yourself get through this?

I just also want to say that you are in a difficult situation and I can understand why you feel the way you do. I'm not a very patient person myself and I understand how waiting for things, especially important things, can be torture. But I guess kind of like you were talking about earlier...everyone's got to follow their own heart or head (whichever they choose) and I think that's what your girlfriend is doing too.

 

[Steven_v]

so basically dont text her again

 

[Peanut]

Right!

 

[ThatLady]

Bingo! Don't text her again, hon. Find something to do to occupy your mind. I don't know if you play video games, or read, or what you like to do with your leisure times, but this is the time to roll one of those things out. The more you push, the further away she's going to run. Just leave it all alone and let what happens happen. Pick up with your life.