I just dont know what to do

[Peanut]

Steven,

I am really sorry to hear that. If it makes you feel any better I don't think there's a single one of us that has not been through a rough break up. It sounds like it wasn't easy for your girlfriend either--you must have meant a lot to her too. But, sometimes for whatever reason, it just doesn't work out.

It sounds like she may have left the door open a little bit, but I think you were wise to tell her what you did, that you didn't see anything changing. If I were you, I would try to carry on as though she was never going to change her mind. Try to recover from the break up and move on. If, by any chance she did change her mind, I'm pretty sure she would contact you and let you know. It's not like you have to keep checking in with her to see if her mind has changed. Plus, I honestly think that she is more likely to change her mind if you start to move on (just act like it if you have to at first!).

I would say, grieve for the relationship (not in front of her), force yourself to engage in any hobbies or anything you might like to do, go out with your friends, etc. If you do these things I think that regardless of what she does, you will be happier.

I was also just wondering if she had ever said or threatened to break up before this, like during fights or anything? Also, how long were you with her?

Anyway Steven, again I'm really sorry. But trust me--there are TONS of women out there. I know you probably don't care about any of them right now, but just keep in mind that everything will be alright. This is a really normal, really human situation. I mean, look at the extremely high divorce rate. It will get easier. If it ends here and now with her, this will be the hardest part, after this it will just hurt less and less.

Hang in there! You did everything you could so don't beat yourself up about it. You did your best, you tried, and that's all you can do.

 

[Steven_v]

gonna see her again in 2 weeks i hope. but i daught if anything will have changed, especially since ive text her 4 times today (she didnt reply) and rang her about 7 (she didnt answer), but it was nothing to do with her, this women who knew me by name who id never seen before came round and gave me free brand new mobile phone, so i text and phoned everyone i knew to see if they knew who this women was. but to my now ex it will probably seem as if iam hastling her or stalking her or something. dont know what to do about that so that she doesnt think i was hastling her

 

[ThatLady]

It's best to put this whole thing behind you, steven. Continuing to try to contact this girl is only going to make the situation worse. Go on with your life, find other things to do and to think about, and let this one go. If it's meant to be, it will be. If it's not, all the chasing in the world will not catch she who wishes not to be caught.

 

[Steven_v]

iam just worried she's gona think iam hastling her or something, because of all the text and calls i left about the strange phone ladie (who i still have no clue who she was)

 

[Peanut]

Re: I just don't know what to do

Steven,

I mean this in the kindest possible way, because I really do feel for you, but you ARE hassling her when you are calling and texting her that much. Your reasoning behind why you did it does not seem plausible and I doubt she would believe you even if you were able to explain that to her. Pestering her is going to turn her off...remember you want to come out of this with your integrity in tact!

I think the best thing that you can do at this point is do not call her again, let her call you. No matter what excuse you have to call her, it is going to seem like just that, an excuse. If there is any hope at all, let her call you.

But!! In the meantime...try moving forward! Force yourself to go out with some friends even if you don't feel like it. Get out and see other people. The world is rich with all kinds of different personalities, and there is no point in dwelling on the one that got away.

You will get through this, try to keep your head up!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Excellent advice, Toeless!

Steven, please read what Toeless just posted very carefully and then re-read it. I'm currently trying to help a young man who did pretty much what you are doing with his ex-girlfriend and fiound himself under arrest and facing charges for stalking. The courts take this sort of thing very seriously these days.

 

[Steven_v]

i did only call her because of what happened, this women shows up at my door ask my dad for me by name gives him a phone he gives it to me i say thanks to her thinking she's one of his customers (he's a window cleaner) and take it. she goes i say to my dad who was that he says i dont know i though you knew her. so oviously i text and ring all my friends and everyone i have in my phone, my ex is the only one who doesnt reply so i think maybe she knows something so i ring her didn get an answer rang her other phone didnt get an answer. so iam really getting a bit scared about who this woman was, my ex is still the only one i havent herd from so i ring her a couple more times and leave 2 voice mails asking if she knows anything about this woman on one phone, and one on her other phone.
i know it sounds like bullshit but ive got the phone in my room and i texted or rang everyone else in my phone. just dont know how iam gonna get that across to her that i wasnt haslting her without well hastling her

 

[Steven_v]

iam deffenitly not stalking her, iam just trying to find out who this women was. i text and rang my ex last cause i really didnt want to ring or text her at all. God cant believe you people are accusing me of stalking iam only trying to find out why a strange women gave me a phone

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Steven, I am NOT accusing you of stalking her. My client wasn't stalking either (in fact, his ex made more calls to him than he did to her).

But what you did could well be interpreted as staking. I was trying to WARN you that if she makes a complaint the police WILL act on it and the results will not be fun at all for you.

 

[Steven_v]

but ive done nothing wrong my dad spoke to this lady my sister saw her. and all my friends got texts or calls asking if they knew who it was, i only text and called my ex so many times because she didnt reply and iam quite worried about who this woman is and if she knows anything about it. of cause iam not gona contact her again, apart from later in the week because she wants to arrange to pick her stuff up from mine. i would have done the same to anyone in my phone who didnt reply because this thing with the phone lady is worreing me alot

 

[Steven_v]

but i can see how trying to explain myself would only make things worse. i'll just appologise to her casualey when i have to get in contact with her later on in the week. thats if she doesnt already think iam a stalker. lol. and iam gona go into the shop with the reciept that was in the bag with the phone and ask if they remember who they sold it to cause its starting to scair me a little

 

[Steven_v]

my point is she wasnt the only one i was hastling that day but how do i get her to know that and not think iam so wierdo stalker

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Right now, Steven, your first priority is not to make it any worse. Just leave it. Wait for her to contact you. Then you will have an opportunity to explain if you wish.

 

[Steven_v]

yeah i know iam not gona. its just i cant stand anyone thinking bad of me

 

[Diana]

That is really weird about the woman and the phone . But, besides that I just wanted to comment on your break-up situation.
A friend of mine recently emailed me explaining that the guy she's been with for (I don't know - 3 years?) and who she just bought a house with suddenly told her that he doesn't think they have enough in common to get married, so that's that. She is really heartbroken. Basically, she told him that she wasn't moving back in with her parents (all her stuff is there). For a week or two he was really busy and they barely spoke. He slept on the couch and it was driving her crazy.
Finally, one night they sat down and talked. He apologized for not bringing up how he felt a couple of months ago and they made some decisions about what they would do with the house. They're still friends. My friend still wishes they will get back together deep down inside, but she knows that she has to be realistic and figure out where she's going.
The reason I told you that story is just simply to let you know that life is life, change happens, and sometimes it hurts for a while, but then you have to move on. If they do get back together - great - and if they don't then she'll be fine and experience more great things in her life. Also, to explain that it's not YOU and it wasn't MY FRIEND, it was just how things and people came together.
Anyway, hang in there. You'll be fine. I also hope you find out about the phone mystery. Just be careful though...

 

[Steven_v]

i dont want to be happy unless its with her

 

[David Baxter PhD]

i dont want to be happy unless its with her

You cannot force someone to want to be with you and you cannot rely on another person for happiness. Even if she were with you, the burden of being the sole reason for your happiness would be huge.

 

[Steven_v]

i love her and when has it ever been wrong to fight for what you love

 

[Halo]

Hi Steven,

I don't have much expertise or any knowledge actually but I am just going to pass on a saying that I once heard....

A relationship should compliment you, not define you.

Take Care and Good Luck
Nancy

 

[Steven_v]

it did and so did she, and thats why iam prepeared to fight for it.