- Thread starter David Baxter PhD
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I did talk to him and I am only seeing him every other week now.
I think it's going to be fine.I'm sure that judging by some of my posts when I am struggling,some people may think it's not a good idea.But,I am going to struggle whether I see him 2 times per month or once a week,or even if I went every day. So I just need to keep using everything I have learned to get through the bad times.And I can always see him in between,or whenever,if I need to,and just knowing that helps.
I realized this past year is I need to be around people more,good,supportive people.There's so much negativity in my life and I need to say yes more to invitations to go places and do things and have fun. Isolating makes everything worse,I need to get out and do more and be around other people so that I'm not sitting home,lost in my own thoughts.That's my biggest downfall,letting myself get caught up in thoughts and memories.
I don't know how this is going to go,but I am determined to do this,so I guess we shall see.
I think it's going to be fine.I'm sure that judging by some of my posts when I am struggling,some people may think it's not a good idea.But,I am going to struggle whether I see him 2 times per month or once a week,or even if I went every day. So I just need to keep using everything I have learned to get through the bad times.And I can always see him in between,or whenever,if I need to,and just knowing that helps.
I realized this past year is I need to be around people more,good,supportive people.There's so much negativity in my life and I need to say yes more to invitations to go places and do things and have fun. Isolating makes everything worse,I need to get out and do more and be around other people so that I'm not sitting home,lost in my own thoughts.That's my biggest downfall,letting myself get caught up in thoughts and memories.
I don't know how this is going to go,but I am determined to do this,so I guess we shall see.
I haven't seen my therapist since Jan.19th,and I have had no contact with him at all since then.
There have been times when I have wanted to email or call him but instead I journaled as if I was writing to him.That has really helped because I get it all out and then imagine what his response would be.I feel kind of weird doing that,because I am soothing and calming myself yet using him to help do it,but it works.
Whatever works is all that matters,right?
There have been times when I have wanted to email or call him but instead I journaled as if I was writing to him.That has really helped because I get it all out and then imagine what his response would be.I feel kind of weird doing that,because I am soothing and calming myself yet using him to help do it,but it works.
Whatever works is all that matters,right?
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Right. If it's working, keep doing it until or unless it stops working.
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I am going to be completely honest,I am still in therapy because I am having a hard time letting go of my therapist.
I don't see him very often anymore,but I still do see him.I would be fine without him,I mean I could manage without him,get through struggles without his help,I just don't want to not have him in my life.
I don't want to end therapy,I don't want to do the goodbye thing,I would just like to leave it open,I want him to always be there,to always be available,if and when I need him.
Just the thought of ending it makes me feel sad,he has been such a huge part of my life the past 5 years.But it's not even about therapy anymore,I care about him,I have feelings for him,he is like a father figure or something.
I don't know how to let go,but I know I need to.And he is leaving it up to me,so if I don't find a way to do this I am afraid I will continue going the rest of my life.
I honestly never expected to feel this way when I started therapy,I never thought I could ever open up and trust anyone so completely,especially a male.And I never expected to care about someone this much.Most of the caring feelings I have are because I am so grateful for everything he has helped me accomplish.
I could very easily just not go back at all,just cancel the next session I have and not schedule another one,because I know he is still there and I could call and schedule at any time,if I needed to or wanted to.But to devote a couple/few sessions on saying goodbye and actually ending it,I don't think I can do that.
---------- Post Merged at 09:17 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:48 PM ----------
Maybe I'm just not ready to end it right now.Maybe popping in for sessions now and then is okay and maybe eventually I will be ready to take that leap and let go(?).
I don't see him very often anymore,but I still do see him.I would be fine without him,I mean I could manage without him,get through struggles without his help,I just don't want to not have him in my life.
I don't want to end therapy,I don't want to do the goodbye thing,I would just like to leave it open,I want him to always be there,to always be available,if and when I need him.
Just the thought of ending it makes me feel sad,he has been such a huge part of my life the past 5 years.But it's not even about therapy anymore,I care about him,I have feelings for him,he is like a father figure or something.
I don't know how to let go,but I know I need to.And he is leaving it up to me,so if I don't find a way to do this I am afraid I will continue going the rest of my life.
I honestly never expected to feel this way when I started therapy,I never thought I could ever open up and trust anyone so completely,especially a male.And I never expected to care about someone this much.Most of the caring feelings I have are because I am so grateful for everything he has helped me accomplish.
I could very easily just not go back at all,just cancel the next session I have and not schedule another one,because I know he is still there and I could call and schedule at any time,if I needed to or wanted to.But to devote a couple/few sessions on saying goodbye and actually ending it,I don't think I can do that.
---------- Post Merged at 09:17 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:48 PM ----------
Maybe I'm just not ready to end it right now.Maybe popping in for sessions now and then is okay and maybe eventually I will be ready to take that leap and let go(?).
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Of course it's okay, LIT. I think most people gradually taper off, as slowly as they want to.
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David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Yes. It's really very common. No reason to feel embarrassed.
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Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
LIT --
I get it. I really do. We form such deep connections with our therapists, and they become our security blankets, even though their job is to become obsolete.
Your feelings aren't unusual at all. I have the same feelings, especially since my dad died. I rely on my therapist a lot. He's the first person I go to for everything. I've talked to him about it, and he's assured me what I'm feeling is normal and understandable. It can be scary, because these feelings feel "bad" and forbidden. Therapy, as you know, is the one place we can let ourselves be vulnerable and exposed and it's safe to do so. So it makes sense.
If you can talk to your therapist about what you're feeling and why you're not ready to leave therapy - go for it. If you're not ready for that conversation, that's ok too. I'll never leave therapy as long as it's up to me. I just can't. I need him too much and he knows it. But when I'm doing well I don't need him as much or I need him in a different way I should say.
I don't think anyone should ever feel pressured to leave therapy. It sounds like you still need to go for one reason or another, so don't worry about rushing yourself out the door before you're ready.
I get it. I really do. We form such deep connections with our therapists, and they become our security blankets, even though their job is to become obsolete.
Your feelings aren't unusual at all. I have the same feelings, especially since my dad died. I rely on my therapist a lot. He's the first person I go to for everything. I've talked to him about it, and he's assured me what I'm feeling is normal and understandable. It can be scary, because these feelings feel "bad" and forbidden. Therapy, as you know, is the one place we can let ourselves be vulnerable and exposed and it's safe to do so. So it makes sense.
If you can talk to your therapist about what you're feeling and why you're not ready to leave therapy - go for it. If you're not ready for that conversation, that's ok too. I'll never leave therapy as long as it's up to me. I just can't. I need him too much and he knows it. But when I'm doing well I don't need him as much or I need him in a different way I should say.
I don't think anyone should ever feel pressured to leave therapy. It sounds like you still need to go for one reason or another, so don't worry about rushing yourself out the door before you're ready.
I have been thinking about this again.I am glad I posted about it because I really do feel much better about it.
I guess it would only be natural to see my therapist as a father figure,a good father figure,especially considering the type of father I had.I think the shame I was feeling was because he is my therapist,not my dad,but I wish he could be.I am a grown woman and wish that,and it felt wrong to me.
I suppose anyone in my shoes would have a hard time letting go.
I guess it would only be natural to see my therapist as a father figure,a good father figure,especially considering the type of father I had.I think the shame I was feeling was because he is my therapist,not my dad,but I wish he could be.I am a grown woman and wish that,and it felt wrong to me.
I suppose anyone in my shoes would have a hard time letting go.
That's exactly what I did,I cancelled and haven't been back.
It feels wrong that I did it,without an explanation or anything really,except to say I will eventually be back.
I am okay with not going,I am managing on my own just fine,maybe not perfectly,but good enough.I don't even have the desire to schedule a session.I like knowing,and feel comforted,that he is there if I should need him.
I don't want to end therapy yet I also don't want to go.All I want right now is for him to just be there,in case I need him.I want to move forward with my life now,without his help,yet I want him to be my safety net.Is that wrong to do?
forgetmenot
MVP
I do not think it is wrong to want to keep a safety net for yourself LIT
I think that if you talk to your therapist just send a msg to let him know just what you said here your therapist would understand as well
I think that if you talk to your therapist just send a msg to let him know just what you said here your therapist would understand as well
Maybe I should at least let him know what I am feeling.I guess I do owe him that much after all these years of help.
---------- Post Merged at 04:31 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 09:48 AM ----------
Actually,I think I am just going to leave things as they are,I already told him I will eventually be back, so I don't really need to explain.I am assuming(hoping) he knows me well enough to already know/understand anyway.
And I have decided I am not going to feel bad about this or worry maybe I am doing this the 'wrong' way anymore.I am doing what I feel is best/easiest for myself and that's okay,that's a good thing,not a bad thing.
He did tell me to go back whenever I am ready,and right now I'm not.I don't know if or when I will,but I like knowing I am welcome to whenever I want/need to.
---------- Post Merged at 04:31 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 09:48 AM ----------
Actually,I think I am just going to leave things as they are,I already told him I will eventually be back, so I don't really need to explain.I am assuming(hoping) he knows me well enough to already know/understand anyway.
And I have decided I am not going to feel bad about this or worry maybe I am doing this the 'wrong' way anymore.I am doing what I feel is best/easiest for myself and that's okay,that's a good thing,not a bad thing.
He did tell me to go back whenever I am ready,and right now I'm not.I don't know if or when I will,but I like knowing I am welcome to whenever I want/need to.
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