Finding reasons to go on

[ladylore]

I like you post Shutter. :2thumbs:

Your dealing with some complicated questions right now Turtle. The same ones I have dealt with at one time or another too. I don't have the answers. Only support. :support:

I do know that everyone I have ever known have dealt with the same thing too. Trying to figure out what life is all about. I hope you find the answers that make sense for your life - as it is individual.

In the mean time - keep putting one foot in front of the other and know that you are loved and that you count.:hug:

 

[Yuray]

Well hello Turtle

Seems now that your mind is not on ending your life! Good to see another emotion coming to the forefront! A little resentment and anger is good for the soul at times. I know you are not a dog, and my 'commands' were given to one who's desperation was made quite clear by her posts, and needed an eye opener.

As far as you telling me I have not been in the state you are in, you are right. My life is not that fortunate. I have to deal with paralysis from a bullet that only did half the job, and left quite a mess in its wake.

May your road be clear.
Yuray

 

[Banned]

Well hello Turtle

Seems now that your mind is not on ending your life! Good to see another emotion coming to the forefront! A little resentment and anger is good for the soul at times. I know you are not a dog, and my 'commands' were given to one who's desperation was made quite clear by her posts, and needed an eye opener.

As far as you telling me I have not been in the state you are in, you are right. My life is not that fortunate. I have to deal with paralysis from a bullet that only did half the job, and left quite a mess in its wake.

May your road be clear.
Yuray

The overwhelming message I hear, Yuray, is that I really have nothing to begrudge, that your life is more difficult than mine due to your circumstances, and that I just needed an "eye opener". It's rather ignorant and once again, judgmental.

Did I say my mind is no longer bent on ending my life? Nope. I sure didn't. That's because EVERY SINGLE DAY I'm alive suicide is an active thought and option.

And I don't believe that anger and resentment, when one is in a suicidal state, is a good thing. If all you can do is try to stir up anger and resentment, then perhaps any support you might possibly be trying to give is not appropriate here.

 

[Yuray]

Whether ignorant or judgmental my remarks have removed you from the realm of sorrow at your situation to the realization of defending it, or at least, seeing the illogic of it from someone elses perspective. Your anger towards me I find accaptable, and warranted. Its good to see this side of you. It shows you are thinking. You will not make me angry, because I know where you are. I am sure others reading this may feel I am way out of line for not catering to your grief. Have you considered printing this thread for your therapist(s)? I have mentioned it twice and you have not responded to it, and at this point, the thread shows many sides to your emotions, and it may be a goldmine for your therapist to understand your situation and help you see the reality of what is, not what you want, or think you want.

My life is not more difficult than yours for I have accepted what is. You are only more fortunate than I in mobility, and the advice I am offering is extrememly appropriate. You are here looking for advice, or at least compassion. I will let the others offer compassion, and will continue to allow you opportunities to seek solutions.

 

[Banned]

Whether ignorant or judgmental my remarks have removed you from the realm of sorrow at your situation to the realization of defending it, or at least, seeing the illogic of it from someone elses perspective.

Really? I'm glad you see it that way.

Your anger towards me I find accaptable, and warranted. Its good to see this side of you. It shows you are thinking. You will not make me angry, because I know where you are. I am sure others reading this may feel I am way out of line for not catering to your grief.

Actually I'm not angry at you. I do, however, find your responses cold, uncaring, a little bit on the cocky side, and not at all appropriate for someone who is in a suicidal state of mind.

Have you considered printing this thread for your therapist(s)? I have mentioned it twice and you have not responded to it, and at this point, the thread shows many sides to your emotions, and it may be a goldmine for your therapist to understand your situation and help you see the reality of what is, not what you want, or think you want.

If it'll make you feel better to know, yes, one of my therapists has already seen it, and the other will see it shortly.

My life is not more difficult than yours for I have accepted what is. You are only more fortunate than I in mobility, and the advice I am offering is extrememly appropriate.

What advice have you offered? To stay alive to help five imaginary bunnies? Maybe I need to re-read the thread, but I haven't found any advice, only judgment and condemnation.

You are here looking for advice, or at least compassion. I will let the others offer compassion, and will continue to allow you opportunities to seek solutions.

This is where you are mistaken. I am not looking for advice, only support during what has been a very dark time. I'm not looking for anyone to pretend they're my therapist if they're not. I'm well aware of the limitations of an online forum.

 

[NicNak]

Yuray, I truly do not believe that this approach is suitable for someone who is in a crisis situation or feeling suicidal.

For someone to come onto the open forum and post about their dark feelings takes a lot of courage. To reach out for assistance takes a lot of strength. I honestly think your words in this thread could be damaging.

As someone who battles these thoughts too, if one were to post as you have, I would be even more devastated.

When someone is in crisis or feeling suicidal judgments and harsh words only fuel the negative thoughts inside. As someone who has experienced those dark thoughts I am sure you can understand that too.

If during your darkest hours, you came here, pulled as much strength as you could and reached out to us for help and someone replied as you have to Turtle, think about how you may have felt.

As someone who usually appreciates your posts Yuray, I have really taken offense and exception to your posts on this thread. I find them uncaring, judgemental, disrespectful and heartless.

 

[songbird]

~Turtle~I have much to say regarding your feelings, I understand as I too feel like the living dead most of the time. I feel like regardless of how I play the game the cards are stacked against me, and was never even within my control. There are times that I don't even feel control over how I process it due to physiological and psychological responses and change that occurs when in trauma and under stress, that must be considered when feeling suicidal. Yesterday is gone, we can't change or fix that even though our minds battle accepting this. Today is all we have, with the hope of a better tomorrow. You are not alone in your battle. I'm fighting the same fight. It helps me to know that I'm not alone. That hopefully together we can find solutions and ways to help ourselves and one another. I belong to a couple of other support groups. One of which the owner/moderator committed suicide just over a month ago, and another where one of the members who was so encouraging and helpful to so many also committed suicide. The grief I feel, the loss of life, loss to the cause, the fight that we are all in together has been deeply effected.

The saddest thing is that after maybe a day or two, that persons life is gone, not only physically, but verbally, their name is no longer brought up, their memory, their contributions, etc. All that is left in their name is sadness, and tomorrow comes and goes without them. And a knowing that could very well have been any one of us.

I truly believe we can change our life by changing our mind. Gaining control over damaging thoughts that influence our lives. You can decide to try purposefully exercising ways to do this. Information by itself doesn't really make a difference, it is the application of the information that makes a difference.

You are not alone. I look forward to getting to know you better, with the hope that we can share our struggles, exchange thoughts, research and explore any and all ways, treatments that aid recovery.


songbird

Quote: Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you are right! Dr. Richards

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Thread split to http://forum.psychlinks.ca/suicide/...someone-who-is-depressed-and-or-suicidal.html

 

[Jackie]

Turtle,

Just wanted to say your in my thoughts and please don't let Yurays cold, harsh, insensitive words upset you, he/she is not worth it, when there are people here who do really care about you and have love and support to give to you in this darkest time. Much Love to you:hug::hug:

 

[Fiver]

Thank you for your insightful reply, Yuray.

You pretty much hit the nail on the head. I too have simply seen and experienced enough. I've lived a life. I've not enjoyed it. I need to leave it. Unlike your character, I cannot promise I will never take my own life. I wish someone would tell me it's ok though - that I can do it.

I don't understand this part about rallying to save someone's life, when that person doesn't want to be alive. Why not just let them go?

Yes I go to therapy. Yes I take antidepressants. Yes I do everything my therapist tells me to do. And yet I still do not wish to be here.

I've simply seen and done enough.

And yet people will still rally to "save" me. What they are saving is a shell. I died inside a long, long time ago.

Oh Turtle... it breaks my heart to read your words which could very well have come from my own keyboard, for logically I understand that we are both people who make a difference to others. That by itself should spark some kind of feeling of fulfillment, and yet... no. I do so very well understand what you are saying. I wish I didn't.

For your sake, I wish you didn't. I'm sorry you're hurting. I wish I had a magic wand, dammit. I also wish I had a pony that poops ice cream. I'm probably not going to get that, though.

 

[Into The Light]

turtle, i just read this thread and i'm not sure what i want to say or how i am going to put it and if it will help, but i am going to give it a try.

i understand the logic of what you are thinking. i understand that you think, "why am i doing this for others? what about me and my pain?"

the fact of the matter is, when we feel like you do, we are in so much pain. we are in so much pain that anything good about life just doesn't seem to matter. it doesn't seem good. it doesn't seem like there is anything good about life.

i have had a long road behind me. it's taken me three years to get to where i am today. three years ago i wanted out, and was angry for the reasons that forced me to fight to live. when we are where you are right now, the choice to live takes so much more courage than the choice to just give up.

i understand how much the pain makes us just want to be done. i have worked very hard in the past three years and life is actually good. i am glad i am here. i am glad i had reasons to stick it out. i see now how absolutely devastating it would have been to those around me if i had taken my life. i actually still don't know how i survived, but i did, and the reasons that pulled me through are the reasons why i am so unbelievably grateful that i am still here.

in the depressed state of mind we lose perspective. we lose sight of how shocking and dramatic it is when someone commits suicide. i know someone who suicided. fortunately for me, i just know who she was, and it wasn't someone whom i was close to. but it was very shocking, and it still turned my thoughts upside down. i don't think a suicidal person realizes the severity of what they are doing when they take that step. you really do not realize it, turtle, what you are contemplating. to people who aren't depressed it is unfathomable and horrifying to think someone would do this to themselves.

i have been through the depression so it's not unfathomable to me, but the shock factor has returned as i have become healthier. i just heard of someone else that committed suicide, a person i didn't know, but the trauma to his family (he had young children and a wife) is part of the shock i feel. i feel incredibly for this man because of the pain he was in, and i feel for his family because of the pain they are now in.

life is very sacred, and i still have my moments when someone hurts me or a situation is painful for me that i think, i want to die, but i don't mean it like i did when in the grips of depression. i realize what i mean is: "this hurts too much."

all that being said turtle, i get that the pain you are in is too much and that you want out. i am sorry you are struggling so much right now. i hope i have given you a bit of insight on why suicide causes such a strong reaction in people and why it matters to them.:hug: