More threads by Cat Dancer

Sigh. There's another forum I have been on since I have been on the internet for about six years now. It was a lot smaller when I joined and much nicer. Now it has gotten riddled with trolls and mean people who post just to be mean (I guess technically that is a troll?) and I can't take that part of it anymore.

I actually haven't posted on there for a long time, but was still reading because they talk about everything and it was interesting. But it's a hard decision. I miss it, but not the nastiness. I took it out of my favorites and I'm resisting the urge to go there. I've done this before for months and then went back, but I don't think I'll go back this time.

I don't know why people have to be so mean and so nasty. I guess one should always be wary of posting things on the internet because of others who will be that way. :mad:

I don't know why I'm posting this. Has anyone else had to do something like this? Give up a forum you used to like because it got too stressful to be there anymore?



Maintaining order on a forum requires a delicate balance of discipline with freedom of expression.

Unfortunately the internet has become a venue for a lot of troublemakers, undisciplined behaviour and sabotage.

Forum administrators need clear rules and effective enforcement to maintain order and to protect the forum from those whose only purpose is to cause disruption.

I understand your frustration, because forums are popping up all over being set up by well meaning folks who have not learned how to manage them.

It's like climbing into an eighteen wheeler with only bicycle riding experience. It can get out of control very quickly.

Like you I have had to move away from some favorite long time forums because of deterioration.

It's a bit like having to stop visiting your favorite restaurant because every time you sit down to enjoy a meal, those around you are having a food fight :mad:
It's a bit like having to stop visiting your favorite restaurant because every time you sit down to enjoy a meal, those around you are having a food fight :mad:

That is so true. This forum that I was visiting has no visible moderators, so anything goes. Cruel comments aren't deleted, except for every now and then by the board owners. I don't know why they don't have moderators. It's basically a free for all now. But even years ago without moderators, it was not as bad as it is now.

I guess I just can't tolerate it anymore. I really am beginning to not even miss it. Being there was not worth the stress and extra worry and even triggery feelings I was having. It's sad. :(


It's a bit like having to stop visiting your favorite restaurant because every time you sit down to enjoy a meal, those around you are having a food fight

I just love this analogy TSOW, its awesome :)


IMO an interactive online venue cannot exist in a civilized manner without moderation.

I can't imagine what would motivate someone to set up a forum and let it run uncontrolled.

Being there was not worth the stress and extra worry and even triggery feelings I was having.

There is nothing to be gained by exposing yourself to situations you know will cause undue stress, especially when it involves something optional, like visiting an online forum. :)

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I have certainly had that experience, Janet. There are two forums (webmaster forums, not psychology) where I was a moderator that I left because of obnoxious members. I've left a couple of others due to differences in vision for the forum. And I've signed up over the years at several that I left soon after because of a preponderance of just nasty people.

Ive had to leave chat boards many times for the same reasons, if its stressing you out then go thats my motto, we have enough stress in our lives anyway without getting it online too!! I left a bird chat forum due to the nastiness of one person which totally ruin the place for me and others too, the owner did nothing, that person has left now so I go back as its a better place to be, but at one point it was doing me more harm than good so I left.:hug:


Been there, done that, Janet.

It can be extra painful when it feels re-traumatising.

Its good that you are setting safe boundaries for yourself. I've even gone so far as to block a forum using the Parental Countrols of my internet security program!
I've joined forums too, one forum in particular was so corrupt (and is quite a big and well known forum), the mods let one of their favourite member post a PM i had sent him, and only took it down when i complained, however you would have thought that posting priveledges would have been taken away, if only for a day or week, but no the lucky sod might aswell have been given a pat on the back. He was a nasty piece of work and hope i never come across anyone like him in the future.
Other forums I've left seem to have their clicky groups where it is ok for them to say something offensive to you but if you unknowingly say something offensive to them, wow, you wish you'd never joined in the first place.


I just recently left a forum that I was one of the first members...I left before and went back but this time I'm not going back...I left b/c like in your situation I was running into people that only wanted to tear others down and thats a big no-no with me...I tend to defend others and I was getting into more diagreements than I needed...

What hurt the most, I was suppose to be friends with the mods and owner and I ended up getting the label of troublemaker b/c I stood up for people...RIMH
I just wanted to thank you all for sharing your experiences with me. I feel not so alone with this, but I am sorry that others have had bad experiences.

I feel sad today about giving it up. At times, it could be a friendly place, but with no moderators and so much nastiness many people who were friendly have left too. It's just not worth it anymore.



I just want to say that I am sorry that you have to give up a place that you use to enjoy but I am proud of you for making a decision that is good for you and in your best interest.

Take care
:hug: :hug:


I understand your disappointment, as well, Janet. I've participated in a number of forums over the years and watched them deteriorate due to trolls and people who have no respect for others. It's sad to see, but happens often, unfortunately.

If the owner(s) of the forum aren't willing to step up to the plate and control the behavior of the posters, there's little you can do to prevent the forum from imploding on itself. I've seen several forums that start out with a set of rules, then allow those rules to be broken time and time again. Why make rules if you're not going to uphold them? If you find a rule doesn't fit your board's style, change the rule rather than just ignore it.

Forums can be frustrating. For some of the forums I frequent, I find that just stepping away for a short time can give me a new perspective. For others, I've found that I've had to leave them behind, since they don't serve my needs and end up merely frustrating me to the hair-pulling stage.
Hi Janet,
sorry about what's happened hun:hug:
i know what you mean, some people can be SO mean and such on forums, i've been to a few where this person was always saying he was gunna come and hurt us :( it was VERY scary, still scares me now, but yeah, i'm glad (and i'm sure i'm not the only one) that you come here cos this is a AWESOME forum and the people here are great, i can understand how that must hurt you had to give it up after all these years :( if you ever wanna talk i'm ALWAYS here for you *hugs*
Thanks again, you all. It saddens me to hear that so many others have similar experiences. I have a really hard time dealing with people who are cruel just to be cruel so I think I've made the right decision by leaving.

Groovygreen, thank you for what you said. :) This is a GREAT forum and I'm thankful to be here and thankful for everyone here.


Its been my experience too Janet. I am currently on a ladies forum and some of the members can get nasty. Very High schoolish if you ask me.. I usually just skip over them and concentrate on the nice people who post. Sad, but the world is filled with so many types of people, that we are bound to get nasty ones too!


Hi Janet,

I know you posted this some time ago, but it caught my eye because something similar happened to me.

TSOW said "I can't imagine what would motivate someone to set up a forum and let it run uncontrolled.". I had this thought so many times and I wondered if the forum I was using was doing research on flame or personality types, or reactions TO trolls. It was really bizarre. So many have left recently, there's no point visiting the site anymore.

Oh well, I hope you have found other good sites- I have been "shopping" around myself. I like this one.



I have also been to many other sites and have realized that there are way too many that are really poorly run in my opinion. I am absolutely floored at how many things are typically allowed to slide which I would consider offensive, attacking etc. I have to say that I am glad that I am here because none of that type of behaviour is tolerated.

I hope that your shopping trip ends here as we would love to have you :)


I've been happiest in this forum, but I also frequent another forum for eating disorders which is well-run too. I have so much bad internet experience (not that these forums were poorly run or moderated, just that they were "negative" sites ie pro-ana, etc....) and it's such a relief to be in a healthy place.
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