Hello

[QueenMary48]

Hi I have never done this before. I am 48 years old, female, married. Over the last few years I have not been myself. Its hard to explain. recently I have started talking to a Psychologist, its been hard but I hope over time I will get better. I just feel sometimes when I am talking that I am just being a bother, like my problems are not worthy of someones time. I am trying to open up but its just so difficult, He is a wonderful person and I know thats not what he thinks, I just wish I could truly let go and really talk.

 

[Daniel E.]

Welcome

I just feel sometimes when I am talking that I am just being a bother, like my problems are not worthy of someones time.

Such reluctance seems common. Of course, therapy is about your goals, needs, and desires, not about those of the psychologist, who is a paid professional. As long as the psychologist is getting paid (by you, your insurance, or your tax dollars), it's impossible to waste his time, IMHO, especially since therapy sessions are usually timed to begin with.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Welcome to Psychlinks, Mary.

 

[Into The Light]

welcome :wave4:

it takes a while to get comfortable enough to open up to a therapist, and that's ok. in time you will be able to open up more. it is hard in the beginning but do what you can, and as the trust builds it'll become easier.

you've taken a courageous step by deciding to go see a psychologist and this is something to be proud of. you aren't being a bother. this is what his job is about, listening to people about their problems and helping them deal with them. look at it this way. you are giving him the opportunity to help someone. for some people that is a real gift

welcome again to psychlinks :tiphat:

 

[suewatters1]

Mary think of it this way. Your therapist probably has mortgage payments car payments and bills to pay. So while your getting help from a therapist which is usually from somebody who really really love their job you are also helping them to pay there bills.
Also Welcome.

Sue

 

[ladylore]

Hi Mary, welcome.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Welcome to Psychlinks.

 

[Halo]

Welcome to Psychlinks Mary :welcome2:

I am glad that you decided to join us and I hope to see you around :wave:

 

[QueenMary48]

Thank you. I really dont know how to do this. I have recently begun talking to a psychologist and he has had me doing alot of journalling which has helped him to understand what things are going on in my head. But right know i am just so sad and I cant shake it and Iworry because I go to talk to him and I feel so self conscience and it hard for me to let go. what am I doing wrong.

Reply to Into the light.

Thanks that says alot. My biggest problem is that I feel like a bother, that my troubles are tiny compared to the rest of the world. But then I think Ideserve to be happy also. I hope I can do this.

 

[healthbound]

Welcome to psychlinks, QM. Doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. I feel really sad sometimes too (have been feeling lots of anxiety and sadness over the last month actually). For me, the trick is to allow the sadness to take it's natural course (feel whatever I feel for as long as I feel it - even though it might be periodically uncomfortable). Sometimes when I feel sad I try to avoid or ignore it and then it turns into anxiety which ends up feeling worse.

I also do a lot of writing and see a therapist. I found it a bit overwhelming at first, but I stuck with it and now I look forward to meeting with her every week.

Not sure if any of that helped but regardless, glad you made it here . You'll probably find that there's at least one person here who can identify with whatever you're going through at any given time.

 

[ladylore]

Thank you. I really dont know how to do this. I have recently begun talking to a psychologist and he has had me doing alot of journalling which has helped him to understand what things are going on in my head. But right know i am just so sad and I cant shake it and Iworry because I go to talk to him and I feel so self conscience and it hard for me to let go. what am I doing wrong.

Reply to Into the light.

Thanks that says alot. My biggest problem is that I feel like a bother, that my troubles are tiny compared to the rest of the world. But then I think Ideserve to be happy also. I hope I can do this.

Your troubles are just as valid as anyones QM. You deserve to be heard too. Even if it every day things that are stressors those sometimes are the most important to look at. It can be the every day things that can effect us the most. In short, you are not a bother and I am glad your here.

 

[Into The Light]

queenmary, a lot of people say the same thing, that their problems aren't as big or as important as other people's problems. i do it too, actually but in reality if your problems are affecting your daily living and don't seem to get resolved, they are big enough and worthy of being talked about.

keep going and just take it one session at a time :goodjob:

 

[QueenMary48]

I know its a good thing that I am finally talking to someone. I am overwhelmed by how confused I feel right now. Plus people are beginning to question how quiet I am lately. I am trying not to let it effect my work.

Talking to this person has been good, its been so long since I opened up. Only I feel like I am not being totally honest. There is one piece of information that I cannot bring myself to tell him. I am afraid of being judged and I know I couldnt handle that. I have tried to give him as much info but I just cant . sometimes I wish he would just come out and ask me, maybe then I could. God this is all just so hard and so painful. I am so tired of crying, I am so tired of not having a clear thought in my head. I just want to be the way I used to be. Sometimes i think it might have been better if I just kept pushing things away.

Thank you. Thank you for listening.

 

[Into The Light]

i don't think you're not being honest. i think it's a matter of something being too painful, difficult or embarrassing to share at this moment in time.

maybe you could start by saying "there is something that i haven't told you because it is too difficult for me right now" and then maybe take it from there. you can talk around it a little bit and let him know bits and pieces as far as you are comfortable. he will probably talk with you about what's making you uncomfortable and what your worries about it are, without knowing what "it" is. he can probably help you express it eventually.

the other option is you could write it down as a note and give that to him, if you think that might work for you.

 

[QueenMary48]

I have thought about it when journalling. I have come so close to talking about it but I am so afraid of response. I have kept it for so long to myself andI am so afraid. I just keep skirting around it but I cant. Sometimes I think he knows and is just waiting. Today I sent him an email about dream I had. In it I had been stabbed by someone he new. there was blood everywhere. I was okay and I stopped the person but it was a little freaky. He said he wanted to talk to me but time just didnt permit. I keep thinking he is going to say to stop bothering me. But thats what I do. Today I drove in my car and just cried. I cry so much.

 

[Mari]

Today I drove in my car and just cried.

I do that a lot, sometimes it has been all night although with the price of gas I have had to stop. I am also trying to return to a reasonable sleep schedule. I do not know how I managed without sleep for so long. I hope things work out okay for you with your psychologist. :heart: Mari

 

[Into The Light]

maybe he does know and is indeed waiting for you to bring it up. it's ok. it takes time to work up to courage and to become ready. and even when you are ready to say something, it doesn't mean you have to say it all at once. just a little bit at a time is all that is needed.

 

[QueenMary48]

Its been good reading the messages here but I wonder about all of this. Because my visits are not regular and he is very busy my psychologist I am starting to feel like I never should have started this. The last time we met it was good but I left there and realized he didnt want me to journal anything. He just talked about how this was just going to take time, what I was feeling was normal and that I was grieving right know. Once I made it through the grieving process then I would begin to understand each of the feeling I was having. But I was lost without the journalling, so I tried to keep it up but I just felt pathetic, I felt like what was the point, I felt confused and overwhelmed. I cant even be totally honest on paper and so I just cry and cry. I wonder if I should have just kept things the way they were, you know suffering by myself. Its just so hard its all just so hard and I never smile and I am angry and I dont like me.

 

[Into The Light]

maybe you should bring the journaling issue up with him and see what he says. i would keep journaling even if it is just for yourself. at least it is some sort of outlet, even if you feel you can't be totally honest right now, just write what you are able to. some things are just hard to put down on paper and that's ok. do what you feel comfortable doing.

i also think that regular sessions would be better for you at this time. maybe you can work out something with him so you can see him regularly. definitely ask because it sounds like right now the schedule isn't working very well for you.

 

[ladylore]

If he really can't do regular sessions you can ask for a referral to someone else who has the time for regular sessions.

Your feelings are normal. What your feeling is private and opening up to a stranger is not what we usually do. It's uncomfortable. I hope you can work something out with him so he can see you on a regular basis.

He is right in one aspect, it does take time. Time to go through and sort out what your going through and to trust each other.