Hello

[Sparrow]

Thanks for the reply Momof5,

Boy oh boy, short of the fibro and cervical... you remind me of me! I don't mean to ramble on here in the intro forum as this leads into the medical issues/pain dept. sub-forum, so I'll leave you with a few thoughts.
When my pain is so bad, I remind myself how happy someone paralyzed would be to even feel anything at all. Kind of like that half empty/half full cup of water analogy.
Interesting how mental and physical health are related and vice-versa.

 

[QueenMary48]

Thank you all. I know that I am very sad and I feel like an open wound.I dont now if I am ready for medication. Your advice has been so open and helpful. Tomorrow I meet with my physician to talk about this. As for my friend who is a psychologist while he suggested medication as ameans of helping me to cope he feels that I am strong enough on my own. I dont know it just depends at which moment. Sometimes I cant breath and then in the next moment I think I need to be clear and feel everything. When I opened the door and asked for help I new it would be difficult and I new it would be overwhelming but I never imagined how strong the feeling could be. Can I handle it I dont know is it good to have people to talk to.. more than I realized. I know I am babbling and I am sorry I just need to talk sometimes.
thankyou

 

[David Baxter PhD]

As for my friend who is a psychologist while he suggested medication as ameans of helping me to cope he feels that I am strong enough on my own.

I'm strong enough to cope with a headache without taking medication but there's a lot less pain and distress if I just take that aspirin.

 

[QueenMary48]

Dr. Baxter I do appreciate what your saying, this really is so confusing. I went to my Regular physician to talk she was worried about me and set some time aside. So we talked for about 1 hour I cried so much and I tried to be so honest with her. She asked me some very important question about whether I had thoughts of sucide or if I wanted to hurt anyone, I said no, she was so sad that it took me so many years to open up but she was so happy for me that I was asking for help. She felt like you that yes medication would ease the pain but in the end she felt I was right where I should be in this process and that meds werent needed. I could revisit it and she would give to me but I also talked about my concerns.

I guess the one thing that came out of this is that I wish I had regular medical appts to talk. It truly does help but first I dont think I could do this all over with someone new and second and realistically there is the cost. So I will try my best to get through this and take the generous help that was offered.

As for the meds I am going to think about it. Its a biig decision as was asking for help and that took me several years.

Thank you Dr. Baxter

 

[momof5]

QM,

I'm sure you know that anytime you need to talk things out that there are many area's in here in which you can go.

Don't hesitate, or think that you are rambling. By talking to others it sometimes helps to get those feelings organized when we aren't sure about where we are going with them.

 

[Into The Light]

i am glad you are going to think about the meds and decide what is best for you.

i know it's a difficult decision and definitely a very personal one. let us know which way you decide.

 

[QueenMary48]

Thank you. I met with my doctor and we talked for the first time for over an hour. I am going to try without the meds but the door is open for that choice. We are going to talk again in 3 months. I am scared and I worry that the psychologist i am talking to on a casual basis may not be enough but I have no choices. I realize how lucky I am I just couldnt afford a dr on my own right now. So I will take what is being offered and try my best . I know this is going to be difficult but its all I have. Thank you

 

[Cat Dancer]

Hang in there. I sincerely hope things will work out for the best for you.

:hug:

 

[momof5]

Hi QueenMary,

Hang in as catdancer stated. I'm sure that you will get through this with much support from in here as well.

If you find a difficult day without meds, just post and let us know how you are feeling in regards to it all. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

mom

 

[QueenMary48]

Thank you so much for your kindness. Honestly right now I am just sad. Whats hard is going to work and trying to focus, I can see there are things that I am putting off right now I am just doing what I absolutely have to do and no more. I am just trying to take this one day at a time. Sorry if I cant talk much I just wanted to say thank you for listening and thankyou for being there. This is an amazing site and I am so lucky to have found it.

 

[amastie]

:support:
amastie

 

[momof5]

Don't worry about one day at a time. You are doing better with it then I am!

I live with the one second at a time rule

I think that we all put things off. I know I do. Sometimes I'll just stare at what needs to be done and wonder where my "do it" is.

 

[momof5]

Oh, btw, I"m sorry to read that you are feeling sad. If there is anything that we can do to help you wtih this, please let us know.

 

[DaveMarrow]

Hi Mary,

Welcome to the board. I'm new here too and excited to meet everyone!

Dave

 

[QueenMary48]

Do you remember how at christmas time when it was your job to put the lights on the tree and you pull out the box and open it up only to find that the christmas lights from last year are in a big tangled ball. You lift it out and lay it on the table and you wonder is it better to just throw it out and start again. Or should you hunker down and find an end and slowly unravel the knot. Yesterday I wrote that in my Journal. I just feel like this big tangled mess. I want to unravel the ball but I cant see the end and I cant find the beginning and I dont know if I can do it on my own but I dont know if anyone cares enough to really really help me. And I am so scared and I am stuck and I am numb .

Thats all I have to say, I just needed to say it to someone.

 

[Into The Light]

there are people out there who want to help you unravel that ball. you are not alone. :hug:

 

[Jazzey]

I'm sorry Queen. I was there not too long ago, I care and I'll gladly listen when you're ready...

 

[NicNak]

I was feeling that way a few days ago too. I hope you feel better soon.

I went to the lake to find some grounding and it helped me a lot. I enjoyed it and feel better today now.

Hope you feel better soon.

:flowers:

 

[QueenMary48]

I know that there is a light at the end of this, I just wish I could see a glimmer. Right know I am going through the motions. It is like as long as there is nothing to difficult I can manage but as soon as I get stressed or something is difficult I just cry and cry and it is so deep. And know christmas is coming and I cant breath somedays. I never realized it could be so hard.

Just knowing your here.. thank you.

 

[Jazzey]

...Let us know if when you need that listening ear Mary - I'm sending you "positive vibes" and much support!:hug: