Hello

[QueenMary48]

Thank you Ladylore and Into the light. I cant imagine starting over with another person. It took me forever to open up to him. I am going to try he is always there for me and that means alot. I think everything is just comingto the surface which is why I am having such trouble. Thank you for being there.

 

[ladylore]

Your most welcome.

 

[Into The Light]

stick with it and you will get there. we're here to cheer you on along the way

 

[amastie]

Hi Mary,

I'm sorry to hear that you feel that your voice is not worth hearing. I cannot imagine that being true of *any*one. Only some people's voices are louder Talk and tell your story in whatever forum you feel inclined. It's nice to share with others whose experience is similar and I'm sure that your feelings are shared my many here

Will catch up again another time, another forum.

Welcome :wave:

amastie

 

[QueenMary48]

I have been reading all my messges and replys and you have all been so wonderful. I new when I started this I just new that when I opened the door it would be a flood of emotions. Right know I feel like an open wound. Sometimes the tears are just so overwhelming and work is hard I cant focus and my emotions are raw. When I shared my recent journalling with the person I am talking to he suggeted that maybe I should look at medication for a bit just to help ease the rawness. At first I was hurt confused the way he spoke was like I am done take the meds and thats it. I was wrong what he said was that sometimes we get tired in this healing process and we need to climb into the wagon and let someone pull for a bit. The help was still there it would just help when the emotions become to much. I am still unsure and am going to speak to my doctor. But I wonder how people at Psychlinks feel about this. I am scared but I also know this pain was more than I ever could have imagined. The sadness is just so overwhelming that at times I feel like I could just fall to my knees. I am just so tired so tired

 

[Cat Dancer]

Medication did wonders for me with that raw emotion. It really helped me. It's definitely something to consider.

 

[QueenMary48]

Thank you. I am still unsure. What do you feel. Do you still feel sadness, I am really having trouble comprehending what the medication does. While I understand to a certain extent I am still nervous.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Medication will almost certainly help, QueenMary. I've been in that position once myself and it definitely helped me.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I still feel things, but not so intensely. It definitely takes the edge off the feelings. I'm not weepy all the time. I can deal with issues in therapy much better. The emotional pain I was feeling is much less. I don't have the sick "butterflies in my stomach" feeling all the time. I had horrible anxiety and the medication really helps with that.

I'm actually not able to be on it right now and I can feel all those intense feelings coming back. Not fun.

 

[Sparrow]

Hello QueenMary48

Do not discount yourself. You are precious.

BTW... :welcome2:

 

[QueenMary48]

Oh my god what have I done. I am overwhelmed. For so long I have locked away my feelings. On day I asked for helped and I am overwhelmed. the emotions i am feeling take my breath away. Between my friend and all of you I am brought to tears. I still dont understand everything and I cant forsee how things will get better but even in my so many moments of despair I am moved by how many people care. While I struggle each day and cant forsee an end it is so amazing how many people care. It took forever to ask for help it took forever to believe it could be better but with hope one day I will not feel this overwhelming grief. today I and for so many days recently I have just cried and cried and when alone in my car I beg for forgiveness and for help and in this moment I know that someday hopefully soon Iwill feel better

Thank you. I want to believe this I truly do but right know it is beyond me. I am so full of sadness and anger and regret grief. These emotions are more than I could ever have imagined. But thank you

Can you explain this more. I still dont understand. My fear is that right now I know that those who need to now understand that I am in pain. MY fear is that by taking medication that it will mask my pain and people will perceive me as being better. While I believe I am trying I have so much more to do and I am afraid.

 

[Into The Light]

my heart goes out to you :hug::hug::hug:

the medication will not mask your feelings. the medication will take away the magnified pain. the pain will still be there but what the medication does is it brings it down a notch so that you will be able to actually work with the pain and heal from it. sometimes we are in so much pain we just can't deal with it and we become hopeless and helpless. the medication helps bear it a bit better.

the medication will help you cope and that is what you need.

if medication really were such a miracle thing that it would take away all our pain and anger and grief and left us with only positive emotions, i think that would make it a miracle cure. but you know that doesn't exist

i am really sorry for your pain but with help you will be able to work through it.

take care.

 

[amastie]

........MY fear is that by taking medication that it will mask my pain and people will perceive me as being better. While I believe I am trying I have so much more to do and I am afraid.

Hi,

my heart too goes out to you. Sending you soft, safe hug :hug:
I have similar problems regarding ongoing fear and grief. I find that I need medication quite often just to help me get through the most troubling times just so I can function. It doesn't mean that I don't have a problem if I feel better for a time, but it helps me to do things that would *help* me to feel better at those times when I don't take the medication.

You need to find the right specialist to prescribe the right medication to suit you and to keep an eye on its effect however. Sometimes, finding the right therapist is the hardest part. Sometimes you have to try different therapists to find one that suits you.

My very best wishes,

amastie

 

[QueenMary48]

From Queenmary48

Thank you. I am so lucky to have found my friend to work through this and to have found all of you. I long for the day when a smile is not forced, when laughter doesnt come with guilt, where I can truly feel joy. I need to believe this and wont give up. Asking for help was the best thing I could have done.

Thank you

 

[amastie]

Re: From Queenmary48

Thank you. I am so lucky to have found my friend to work through this and to have found all of you. I long for the day when a smile is not forced, when laughter doesnt come with guilt, where I can truly feel joy. I need to believe this and wont give up. Asking for help was the best thing I could have done.

Thank you

I'm glad you have found your friend too :

If wishes help you to find a smile is not force, laughter without guilt, to truly feel joy then I have a v e r y long train of them coming your way.

Sometimes I think of looking in that forum which is titled something like 'Just for fun', low on the list of categories. Don't know if I've got around to doing that yet but doing things and reading things that bring a smile to you face sounds like a good idea

And, most of all, I too am glad that you reached out for help.

Catching you as you reach out...

amastie

 

[Sparrow]

Hello Queen Mary,

recently I have just cried and cried

That's good QM, I wish I could some days.

MY fear is that by taking medication that it will mask my pain and people will perceive me as being better.

Whoever these people are, ignore them and their perceptions of you. Take care of yourself first ADAMANTLY... physically,emotionally,mentally, and listen to your doctors advice. :2cents:

 

[momof5]

Just from experience, medication doesn't mask the pain, it makes it easier to get by the pain each day.

And if it helps you to feel better, that doesn't mean that you are healed, it just means that you have learned how to cope with the pain.

It took me about a year to agree to pain medication, I lived with tons of pain. Even after I started taking it, I was till in pain, but at least I had a quality of life.

It can make you tired, and you need to be careful of addiction. I take mine as needed. A 1 month script of both lasts me about 2 months. I'm very careful with how much of it I take. I have been on it for about 9 years now.

And If I get used to it, the next step is morphine, which I don't wish to go to.

There are meds that I have to take on a daily basis as prescribed, but others such as the pain medications, I try to take only as needed.

You learn how to pace yourself to get through it.

I know you can do it. Nothing is impossible, and remember the sun always shines, we just have to look up

 

[Sparrow]

Momof5,
Sincerely no offence to you, but the meds in question are not analgesics, at least not to my read.
Also, living with spinal cord pain for 30 years, medication can sometimes mask the CAUSE, while alleviating said SYMPTOMS.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Also, living with spinal cord pain for 30 years, medication can sometimes mask the CAUSE, while alleviating said SYMPTOMS.

Sometimes, when the cause is known and unrepairable, treating the symptoms is the only option.

 

[momof5]

@Sparrow

I have spinal pain, which comes from all levels of the spine, along with degenerative bone marrow disease, so I'm not speaking from not knowing. Also problems with hips and right knee and shoulders. I also live with Fibromyalgia, which was onset due to the spinal injuries.

and Sparrow, of course no offense is taken! I should have clarified myself better.

I have from the s-level spurs and problems in the spine, all discs in the lumbar area are all buldging, and I have the bone marrow degenrative disease, thoracic area has all herinated discs, which one is in contact with the cord. Cervical area, I also have discs herinated which cause extreme muscle spasam headaces.

Daivd is correct in his statment.

Sometimes, when the cause is known and unrepairable, treating the symptoms is the only option.

In my case, the cause is known and only treatable. And given the number of failed back surgeries that I read about, I"m not too thrilled to go with it.

The pain medications that I take are oxycontin, and hydrocodone. Both are highly addictive. (and I have a good doctor that makes me self monitor so I don't have to go the next route, which is morphine) For the muscle spasam headaches, the cocktail that I take involves 2 hydrocodones, 1 diazapam, (vallium) and Muscle relaxers. If I dont' take this cocktail, I end up in the Er with meds being given through a needle in my arm.

I could end up wheel chair bound in several years, if I let myself go that route. This is something that I feel that I can, and will fight.

--

Queen Mary,

Take your medications. Dont listen to what others might have to say in regards to you being better. Sometimes when people say things to us, we can find clever thigns to say back.

One thing is, I appreciate your willingness to give me advice, however I do pay my doctor good money to let me know what the action is to take with my medical condtion.

Learn how to pace yourself and to listen to your body. It took me a long time to be able to do this. It takes a bit of work, I"m going to be honest with you. also, take time for yourself as well. Do something that you enjoy doing.

Don't fear the asking or taking of help that is offered to you. (Heh, I stll have difficulty with this one )

You are special and unique. Each one of us are. And each one of us will handle thigns differently from the other. But, never doubt yourself. No matter what others might or will say in regards to what you are going through with your health.:airkiss: :friends:

And, just so you know, it has been almost 10 years since my accident, and I still have days that I cry. It isn't uncommon, nor is there anything wrong with it. Sometimes our bodies need to release the emotions that build up on us.