Hello

[QueenMary48]

I haven't been here since the beginning of December. I am not een sure what I want to say. Christmas was hard, I struggled so much throughout and cried so much. I am relieved and drained but happy its out of my mind for another year. I took a huge step this year. I told my family that I wa going to stay and home this christmas and just be with my husband. Unfortunatley there are members of my family that choose to have no relationship with so on discussion with my friend I found the strength to say no not this year. I stayed home, it was very quiet and a little sad but I made it the best day that I could. I know this was a huge step for me, I get that and know its over for the year. But how do I feel know Iwish I could put it into words, I have been trying to put it into words . I feel drained, I feel this void, I am unsure of what is next, I looked up a word and found disconnected. My thoughts are still scattered and I am confused. I met with my friend the psychologist just before christmas and in talking to him he said something to me. He asked me first if I know who in my life I trusted the least and I thought about it but I wasnt sure and then he looked and me and said it was me. I have been trying to process this in my head but I cant figure it out. I keep struggling to understand what my next move is I keep struggling to understand how my life could have been the way it is. I struggle to not be so angry, I struggle to figure out how to move ahead but its like trying to plug a cord into the wall, I have it in my hand but I can't figure out where to put it. I am confused and angry and frustrated and scared. What if I finally plug it in and there is no power. What if there is nothing, what if I can't figure it out, I don't want to be sad the rest of my life, I want to not feel like I am always apologizing, I don't want to feel like I failed some people I know I took this leap this christmas but know what.

 

[Mari]

H! QueenMary, Christmas was hard for me also and I have been so down that I considered not going to my counseling session today - why bother? Fortunately I realized that made absolutely no sense and I am glad that I went because I feel much calmer now. Are you seeing a therapist or counselor? :support: Mari

 

[NicNak]

:hithere: QueenMary. I was just going to ask what Mari did, if you are seeing a therapist or a councilor.

It is important you know you don't have to face all those feelings alone. I would suggest you see your Family Doctor or Mental Health Clinic, to talk to them. There are many treatment options and you sure don't suffer.

Take care QueenMary :support:

 

[QueenMary48]

Hi Mari

Thanks. I hope you did go and I hope it went well. I myself don't see an official psychologist. I have a friend who is a clinical psychologist and has been so kind and supportive and at times tough. I trust him and have been able to open up to him.

You be well

Maryann

 

[Mari]

I wish I had regular medical appts to talk.

A quote from your earlier post Maryann, and the more support you can find, the better. Some months I get support from four different professionals, each of them offering the best expertise in their area of work. I have a medical doctor, a counselor, a therapist, and I also attend group sessions. I also rely on family and friends and also the very special people here. :hug:

My appointment went well and helped me go from this :hair: to this :dimples: (at least for now). :heart: Mari

 

[amastie]

..Fortunately I realized that made absolutely no sense and I am glad that I went because I feel much calmer now....

:dance:
I'm so glad

amastie added 2 Minutes and 26 Seconds later...

QueenMary,
I totally agree with NicNak.
Sending you warm :hug: :hug:
and :support:

 

[NicNak]

:hithere: QueenMary. I was just going to ask what Mari did, if you are seeing a therapist or a councilor.

It is important you know you don't have to face all those feelings alone. I would suggest you see your Family Doctor or Mental Health Clinic, to talk to them. There are many treatment options and you sure don't suffer.

Take care QueenMary :support:

I am so sorry.

The end of this post was supose to say:

There are many treatment options and you sure don't need to suffer.

Please except my apologies for that bad typo :hug:

 

[QueenMary48]

Never an apology need. Its just good to come here and find such kindness and support. Its been a hard journey and I know its not over but I think I have made some progress.

Thanks
QueenMary48

 

[NicNak]

This forum has been of huge benefit to me as well. I am glad you are finding it well

Every progress should be celebrated QueenMary

I always said through out my illness, "itty, bitty, baby steps, Rome wasn't built in a day"

There are days when I get down, or fustrated too. I just try to remind myself that I always do the best I can and that is all I can do.

Celebrating the good feats is so important, to keep us seeing that there truely is always a silver lining. Even if sometimes we can't see it, it is still there.

:support:

 

[Mari]

who are you people where did you come from.

:heart: